It’s got to be this : CRACK CREME .
I mean: Crack Creme???
It could be anything, right?
A really addicting creme, that you just can’t stop rubbing in, right?
Or, something for a sore butt crack? Right?
Oh, just to be fair, I include a link I found from last year which includes a reference to this product. I had never heard of it before tonight:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=199815&highlight=crack+creme
Yup, this one’s pretty weird. Definitely caught my eye when I first passed by it in the pharmacy. The really weird thing is that it seems like they really emphasize the word “crack” in the logo. “Zim’s Crack Creme” sounds pretty sketchy to me.
Here’s the real question, though: when you rub it in, does it make your skin numb?
My family heard a radio commercial for Crack Creme many years ago during a road trip to visit relatives.
We laughed our cracks off.
I’ve actually got a tube of the stuff, and it works really well on what it’s designed for, namely skin that’s so dry it’s cracked open. Definitely a hideous product name, though.
Here’s another good one for you: Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. The favored diaper rash remedy for Louisiana mothers and jock itch remedy for LSU athletes. I kid you not.
Oprah gave away a bunch of Butt Paste earlier this year. Don’t you wish you’d been there? 
Mama is correct: Hey, Zim’s works well…but it also reeks.
The stuff actually works wonderfully well on ultra-dry skin. It saved my grandmother’s hands last year when the skin was cracking open and causing her a lot of pain.
I felt very strange asking the pharmacist about it, though.
Everyone on my list gets a wedgy this year.
It’s been reccomended to me before-in the winter time, my hands get so dry and cracked they look as if they’ve been dunked in acid.
Udder Cream-another funny name!-works great too. Yes, it’s used on cow’s teats, but it’s available at most drugstores-in a black and white cow-spotted container, and it works wonders.
I’ve had this problem (really badly dry/cracked hands) as well. I’ve found that Palmer’s cocoa butter is great, although I’ve found that prescription stuff works best.
But is it approved by the Irken Armada?
I’ll take advantage of this moment to note that MacTech’s Dopername always makes me think of a Mac-10 and Tech-9. I know it’s a reference to Macintosh technicianhood, but I can’t resist conjuring up an image of MacTech iced out holding a Mac in one hand and a Tech in the other and spitting out some generic ‘gangsta’ threat.
They make stuff in a green tin called Bag Balm too, which is used on cow’s teats, and works for dry cracked hands also. I’ve known people who swore by Cornhusker’s Lotion to help with dishpan hands. It didn’t impress me very much though. I use this stuff to combat winter skin. I try to prevent it before it happens.
Ever gotten cat crap on your sunglasses?
Back when I played guitar, there was a guitar string dressing called Gorilla Snot.
Back in the '80s, there was the unfortunately-named Aydes Reducing Candies.
One of the funniest ones I’ve seen is Udder Cream. I guess it’s for milking cows, but a woman I worked with used it on her hands.
Sphincterine.
No, I’m not kidding. They sell it a store where my friend works.
I’m still laughing. This whole (hole?) thread is hilarious!
“Make 3 slow strokes down and back exiting the muzzle very slowly, so as not to splatter the Spooge™ out the muzzle.”
“Run a Spooge™ wetted patch short stroking 4 or 5 times. Is it blue or green?, if so your bore was VERY badly fouled.”
Eeeeeeewwwwww!!
Funny shit!
I must say though, having taken many hot showers with Dr. Bronners, in some places minty freshness can be more than a little bracing.