In this thread you claim to be more knowledgable than your doctors, despite all evidence otherwise.
However, it is in this thread here where you really show yourself to be an ass.
Oh, it’s not verbal abuse to berate your wife, to make her feel degraded and worthless, and that a women’s shelter would be wasting their time and any donations taking care of her?
The OP is asking for advice on her situation, not for you to come and take a shit in her thread, then fling your feces around like some lab monkey.
I think he didn’t know all the facts and I also think he was not exactly—shall we say—empathetic, in the thread where dragongirl was asking how to leave her husband. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say that he was flinging feces around like a lab monkey, but I think he came in without knowing much, and assumed a lot of stuff that he shouldn’t have.
For some reason, the oral sex thing bothered me. He acted as if there was something abnormal about her because she didn’t want to give her husband blow jobs, while initially ignoring that the way that she was asked (she was basically told that she’d better do them right on schedule, so he could justify staying married to her). Also ignoring that just because many woman like to give them, doesn’t mean that all women must want to give them, or give them on demand. I know that the blow job thing was discussed further on that thread, but I thought his initial response on that subject missed the mark completely.
Well, a man should not have posted in that thread at all, this was one of those times to let the sisterhood do their thing with no input from penis wielders. I gotta agree, though, that there has to be more to this. Dragongirl said that she couldn’t give a blow job and be able to look at herself in the mirror the next day. That struck me as a bit. . . odd.
I’d like to point out that Bill once gave me some pretty damn good advice about software marketing, going above and beyond the call of duty to email me some really great ideas.
He’s the type of guy who’s not afraid to express different views from the rest of the crowd, and I’ve also seen him change his mind when presented with facts he may not have had knowledge of at first. He comes on strong, no doubt about that, but the SDMB is not known for being a nest of shrinking violets.
Yeah, I agree that’s a little over the top. But I’m guessing it stems from the way her husband has treated her over the years. He’s pounded her into the dirt so much that she’s going to feel degraded. And the fact that he says she OWES it to him, well, that’s just messed up.
I think there’s more clarification needed with that. I wondered if perhaps she meant that that the times she’d given a blow job, she was bullied/degraded into giving it, and so in the morning she always felt ashamed and embarassed. But of course, that’s her story to tell—I have no idea what the explanation is.
Wow, lookee here a pitting. This may be my first. Or maybe not, I dunno.
Right now, I only have time to note that the combination Eye Doc and Oral Sex OP reminds me of the classic line from Burgess Meredith: “Looks like Chuck’s taking old one eye to the optometrist.”
If my man told me I looked like a cow when having sex, and insisted that I keep my shirt on during sex 'cus my boobs were too big (?!?!?! ), I probably wouldn’t feel very confident about putting myself in another subordinate position for the guy either.
While I enjoy a BJ as much as the next girl, I can certainly see where it wouldn’t be everyone’s bag, particularly if I’d been treated so poorly by the person asking.
At all? So something from me, a card-carrying penis-wielder, to the tune of “Best of luck with this, dragongirl,” is something that should not be done? Or are you saying that such a “best of luck” should not be followed with five paragraphs of detailed advice from someone who has never had an abusive husband?
Pretty much. Men, by and large, try to fix the problem by giving advice and outlining steps to fix the problem when what women want is to be heard. If a man has to post, limit the sentiment to “good luck.”
While I quite agree with the first part of the sentence that being degraded in the relationship is goijg to put you off sex anyway, the second part confuses me. Subordinate position? WTF? Nobody gives blowjobs while kneeling–it’s too damn hard on the knees. You throw the guy on his back, get on top, and then go to town. And if a woman doesn’t enjoy giving head, well, she’s missing some fun. I find going down on a guy to be as much fun, if not more so, than getting head. And I’ll stack my headgiving against any woman’s here any day of the week. The idea that giving head is “dirty” just amazes me.
Yes, but depending on her age and her background, she may have been brought up to believe “nice girls don’t do that.” That to do so was bad bad bad, and only whores and sluts do that.
Sometimes it’s hard to overcome things you’ve been brought up all your life to believe.
Or, perhaps, she just doesn’t like to. Not everyone likes the same things.
Speak for yourself, sweetheart. (BTW - I’m not dising your technique at all - it’s just not always the first choice for every BJ giver on the planet is all.)
On the other hand, despite being the wrong gender, I stumbled across that post when no one else had responded yet & felt I had to at least say something. And I would hope that the message that not all penis wielders are flaming assholes would have some value.
I was a bit taken aback at Bill_H’s post … it was obvious to me that emotional abuse was going on in dragongirl’s life. He may have meant well, but was a bit insensitive, at the least. 'taint the whether-or-not of sexual preferences, its the demeaning demand.
Different things do it for different people. The last thing I want to do is to try to second-guess why someone else does or does not enjoy a certain sex act. It may be an “abnormal” fear or phobia, (which she may want to overcome—or not—her choice), or it may be a non-preference (the way that some people have a non-preference for okra). She’s the ultimate authority on the basis for her non-preference.
Fuck that. Fuck that sideways with a #2 pencil. Title of the fucking thread, ** I need to leave my husband. Any suggestions on how?** How is giving actual advice and actual steps that can be followed detrimental to the OP? She’s past the point of venting, she’s been doing that for years, she’s to the point of action.
And I say that as a male who knows when to shut up and listen, to only ask probing questions to keep the person talking and help the person with her own decision. That is for when the person is undecided about the course of action she wants to take. When the person has decided upon a course of action, or is trying to figure out if a course of action is possible, and then asks for advice on how to go about doing that, you’re damned right I’m going to actually give advice and “outline steps” they can take. It’s all part of letting them know what their options really are, so they really can make their decision.
I would say that it is perhaps more a case of her being past the point of “only” venting; she wanted to give details on particular aspects of the situation, but she also wanted to enact change, whereas in the past her bend was no so much toward the drastic change in the OP (and certainly in ensuing posts) as it was a form of release/ranting. This opinion of mine given that A) it wasn’t posted (in the pit, for example) with an “I just want to vent” preamble/disclaimer and B) the amount of advice/suggestions given and the manner of responding to them.
Have you completely lost your mind? Using this formula, you shouldn’t post to any thread concerning a hetero couple. I’m sure if any women here want opinions from women only, they’d post that in the thread title. Why the hell wouldn’t a man’s advice be valid? We do have mothers and sisters after all.
dragongirl states that she’s ready to leave her husband. She gives a brief outline of the reasons why she feels she can’t stay married to him, and asks for concrete advice on the best way, for herself and her children, to leave.
Bill H. strides in and restates her OP, essentially calling her a bad wife. His tone is patronizing and his attitude judgemental, suggesting that the problem lies with her. He doesn’t seem to understand her purpose in starting the thread: she wanted advice on how to leave, not a lecture on how to make the marriage better.
I wonder what kind of husband or boyfriend Bill is, or has been, if he’s ever been either.
), I probably wouldn’t feel very confident about putting myself in another subordinate position for the guy either.
(BTW - I’m not dising your technique at all - it’s just not always the first choice for every BJ giver on the planet is all.)