I just broke it off with my girlfriend of 3 months

[Improv Geek]

I will spare you all the details, but she came over at 4:30, after I had called her and told her we needed to talk. She left at 7:40. Over three hours of her trying to talk me into relenting and go back into a relationship I wasn't truly happy in - though she was.

She was head over heels for me. Completely and totally. But I wasn't. I didn't reciprocate her feelings.

I tried, I tried for three weeks to find it. To find some semblance of desire to remain in the relationship. But I couldn't. And when I finally admitted it, I called her to end it. I had let it go long enough without being fully into it.

So, here I am. Sitting on my couch, watching CSI and posting here so you all can either tell me I'm a moron or maybe console me that I did the right thing.

Even if doing the "right thing" forced me to yank her heart out and stomp on it.

*sigh*

Sorry for taking up the bandwidth, but my roommates are all rather socially inept and thus they have a hard time and get very nervous because they don't know how to respond. So yeah.... I need a beer. Or something.

[Abbie Carmichael]

A guy did that to me my freshman year of college. I was craaaaaazy about him and sooo devastated. I think he loved me, kind of, but realized our relationship was very unbalanced.

Seven months later I was engaged to Mr. Carmichael.

So yeah, you did the right thing. Nobody wants to be someone that their SO is "settling" for. She's free to find a more suitable guy, and so are you.

[Rhubarb]

Yeah, I really hated having to do that, maybe even more than I hated having it done to me. But you did the right thing. If it's inevitable, it's best to do it quickly. The sooner the healing starts, the sooner it's done etc., etc. Prolonging it just makes it that much worse.

Of course, if you later change your mind and want to get back together, then you're a moron and a :wally

[AngelicGemma]

If your heart wasn't in it, then you did the right thing.

[An Arky]

Baby, Baby don't get hooked on me
Baby, Baby don't get hooked on me
I'd just use you then I'd set you free
Baby, Baby don't get hooked on me...

[Gorgon Heap]

Three months? Sorry, man, but I can't imagine being very attached to anybody after only three months.

I was never big into the dating scene, but doesn't that length of time indicate something akin to a "mid-length, you're OK but lets just keep testing the waters for a while" type thing?

[Ferret Herder]

Thank you for doing the right thing. Back in college, I was miserable at the start of my sophomore year over a long-distance relationship - my then-boyfriend would be very sweet and kind to me when I could actually get hold of him, but so often he'd be gone, he wouldn't return phone calls, his letters had gotten infrequent. I was dealing with some serious confusion over the mixed message. Finally, after the persuasion of friends that he wasn't treating me right and it wasn't worth wasting more time on the ~3 year relationship (I'd kept thinking of it as "throwing away" all that time if I did leave), I broke up with him. I ended up doing it by letter because he was giving excuses why he wasn't going to be in our hometown any time soon.

Months later, I got a letter from him apologizing for his behavior. He didn't feel it was right romantically but still cared for me a lot as a friend and a person, and hesitated to hurt me by actually breaking it off, not really realizing how much he was hurting me then by withdrawing and stringing me along. He'd hoped I would just get mad and have it out with him or something, and end it, while not having to be the "bad guy." I was pissed at the time, but I did forgive him eventually, and we talked a few times a couple years later, having resolved all that.

Yes, she'll be pissed and hurt and aching over this. I'm hoping she'll figure out that was better (in the end) than dealing with an ambivalent boyfriend who's just keeping her around because he's too scared to have The Talk, or is looking for someone else before cutting her loose, or something like that.

[taxi78cab]

Been there, done that. And yeah, it sucks. A lot. But it's definitely better for both of you. It hurts less now - even if that's hard to believe right now - than it would in a month or a year.

And if your location is accurate, and she's also at Georgia Tech, there are probably plenty of eligible guys around. I loved being a single girl at Rensselaer Poly Tech... so many guys, so little time!

[Ferret Herder]

Originally Posted by Gorgon Heap

Three months? Sorry, man, but I can't imagine being very attached to anybody after only three months.

I was never big into the dating scene, but doesn't that length of time indicate something akin to a "mid-length, you're OK but lets just keep testing the waters for a while" type thing?

Depends on the dating, I think. The OP's location is Georgia Tech, and I know that college dating seems a lot different than out-of-college dating. I met my now-husband in college, and it might've just been because we lived close to each other and had mutual friends, but we didn't go out on dates per se, we spent most evenings together. Having more time to spend together seems to accelerate the whole process.

[TroubleAgain]

After 3 months I was in love, and so was my husband, so no, 3 months is not such a short time.

Bless you, ronin, for not prolonging her pain.

[ElectricZ]

Without question you did the right thing. Unless both people are happy in the relationship it's not fair, and it's selfish for the happy person to try and keep the unhappy person around. If there's any kind of hope for both parties to be satisfied, go ahead and try. But if you KNOW it's not working out, the best thing is to break it off cleanly and quickly.

Of course, it works both ways. You have to be ready to let go if the other person't not happy. But in either case you'll be ahead in the long run.

EZ

[Gorgon Heap]

[Shrugs} Ok.

[Zebra]

Better at three months than at three years.


Watch Ole Yeller. It's the right thing to do, even if it is the tough thing to do. Usually those two are the same thing.

[FlippyFly]

You should have just serenaded her with Britney Spear’s “Oops I did it again.”

Seriously though, I always have a three month itch… maybe I’m not alone. Have fun being single again!

[Improv Geek]

Thanks for the reassurances folks, It helps.

Yes, 3 months may not seem like a really long time, but I am indeed in college and so time has not begun to draw itself out yet. A semester is a long time, and its only 4 months.

She seems to be doing better, I haven't talked to her on the phone sense she left yesterday - though she called me several times. I've gotten a couple of emails and her latest one shows signs of crossing the hump and moving to healing, she wants to be friends. So hopefully we can make that work. I know it is possible, but I will have to be guarded in how much I flirt with her (I'm a horrible flirt. I admit it.) and so I am hesitant as to how quickly I respond.

Again, thanks for the support. Now... back to college physics homework.