This may be a lot off topic, but, I’m seeing what other people think…
Ok, so some three months ago my girlfriend of 3ish years dumped me out of the blue.
Unfortunately, we spend upwards of 40 hours a week around each other…
We’ve fought a lot, and been fine a bit.
The problem arises because we’re both in love with each other but she doesn’t feel like she can do it right now. Definitely someday she says, but not right now.
I’m stuck… Do I wait? Do I move on?
argh 
this sucks.
harsh as it may sound and i know just how difficult it is to do, i’d say try and move on - if at some point in the future you end up getting back together etc. then thats great - but you shouldn’t waste your life in the meantime.
Dating is very much a binary state. You are either dating someone or you’re not. You are not dating this woman. You have to accept this fact, and move on. Date other people. Maybe in the future, she’ll want to get back together. Maybe in the future, you won’t.
Also, stop hanging out with her so much, it’s only making things harder. I know you’re used to being really close to her, but it’s time to let go.
What is she doing?
Why dosen’t she feel like she can do it right now?
I’m thinking ‘move on’ but would like to hear the responses to those two questions.
Well, I know we’re not dating, but we both want to be together, if that makes sense?
“What is she doing?”
I don’t think even she knows… From what I gathered she’s exploring her boundaries… Wants to know what she can do on her own.
Why dosen’t she feel like she can do it right now?
She’s not sure if it’s right, if she’d be entering back into a relationship because she misses it, or because she genuinely ready for us again.
:smack:
Make a clean break and end your relationship in all ways. People can remain friends after breaking up, but in my opinion, if you’re in some kind of limbo state like you two are in, trying to remain friends is just going to put you back where you started from again, which didn’t work, or you wouldn’t have broken up. Both of you need to move on. (I’ve done this dance before, and wish I had taken my own advice the first time we broke up.)
Please trust me on this one. I know what I’m talking about. She may love you, but not “in that way”. She cares about you and doesn’t want to hurt you, but she doesn’t want to be with you any more. Just move on with your life. “Definitely someday” roughly translates to “Definitely not now, probably never, but I don’t want to be cruel”
If you start seeing someone else, she will undoubtedly know about it since you see each other so much. She may feel conflicted about it, and try to get back into “her” spot in your life, but it will not last if you get back together with her.
It sounds like the two of you may work together. If so, I’d have a conversation with her to see if you can at least be civil around one another at work. It’ll make life easier on all parties concerned, not to mention your co-workers.
I’d say to move on with your life. It sounds like she’s not ready for any sort of a serious relationship. Perhaps you’ree just not right for one another. You may always love each other, but if it can’t work out, then you’d never be happy.
If the two of you do want to try to work things out, I’d suggest working on being friends, first and foremost. Friendship is the most important aspect of a relationship. You may love someone with all of your heart, but if you’re not best friends, you’ll never be content with one another.
It makes perfect sense – this is unbelievably natural and common. But it’s also a bad idea. What you guys are doing is making your break-up excrutatingly slow. Even if she wants to stay close, it would be far better for you to force a clean break.
There are lots of people in the world that you may feel a connection with, and it sounds like this girl is one of them. There are also a lot of people in the world who you will click with so perfectly and so completely that there can never be a question of not dating them. It is definitely worth it to go try to find one of them.
Just my opinions, based on my experience. Either way you go, your situation sucks right now. It’ll get better, though. Good luck.
Move on. Move on move on move on. Move on? Yes, move on. Move. On.
Do you know why all the people responding to your OP are saying the same thing? It’s because we know. We’ve been there. We’ve tried to be friends with exes, and been burned because we weren’t careful about it. You need a cooling off period. Date somone else, and I am NOT telling you to jump into another 3-ish year relationship, I’m just telling you to go out on a few dates, have a nice time with someone else, remind yourself that you still can, and focus on something besides your ex.
If some time goes by, and you still want a friendship with her, pursue it then, but don’t kid yourself about it now. Allowing yourself to stay hung up on this woman will only hurt you in the long run. Obey the Obi Wan whispering in your ear and move on, Luke…
Ditto!
I was in a similar situation years ago. I moved on.
A few months later, I was in a great new relationship. The original SO got back in touch…“I’m sorry…I was wrong…I miss you…”
BWAAAH-HAAAH-HAAAH 
Move on. Become your own person without her. It’ll be the best thing you ever do. BE STRONG.
This is like saying move on,
re-establish yourself, your identity, who you are apart from her. Let her do the same.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t have contact with each other, but seeing each other is likely to blur the boundaries anew each time unless you are careful.
From this process will come the ability to think clearly about what you really want.
“We fought a lot” is a HUGE RED FLAG. I’m not saying there aren’t successful couples who fight a lot, but why would you choose that? You love her? Find someone you love who you don’t fight with.
MOVE ON.
I definately agree with this. Constantly seeing her is going to drive you crazy. A solid break from each other may be just what she needed. I don’t think you should wait while she’s out “exploring”, because that’s demeaning you (IMO). I’ve also had this situation happen to me and I found that a clean break would have been better than the “limbo” state.
Be open to life. to what MAY come along.
Move on and then she’ll decide that she’s made up her mind and want you back. Then you can come back and ask what to do.
[sup]And I won’t have a clue.[/sup]
I’ve had the “not right now” speech, and believe me, it really means “not ever”.
You’ve been together three years and suddenly she can’t do it anymore/not right now? Sorry, bud. She’s over it. You need to move on.
Max.
Move on! I think what your problem is (alot of people tend to have this problem myself included) that you’re dwelling on what you had or what you lost.
In your case its even worse becuase she has left you with a ambiguous hope that you guys may or may not get back together; This is no way to live.
My advice would be not to look at what you lost but look at what you have to gain by dating other people; hell its an adventure for crying out loud! Who knows you may even find some one that brings out a part of you that you didn’t even know you had.
Also (on a less enlightened side.) Think about the first time you and this girl kissed or the first time she stuck her hand down your pants; try to remember how you felt at that time. Guess what? You get to relive those moments when you meet some one else that is new.