Beat The Dutch @ Their Own Game: Come Up With Disingenuous Break-Up Tips

[JohnBckWLD]

It seems this Dump Tips Website from the Netherlands offers people some rather unorthodox advice how to break-up with your significant other. For those who can't read Dutch, Winnepeg Sun:

...The site suggests women tell their partner they want a baby and men buy their girlfriend underwear that's too big...

Maybe I just don't have a dutchman's sense of humor, but neither of those suggestions are all that creative or funny. In fact, the baby idea could blow up in the woman's face (or womb) and the underwear idea would work have worked better had they recommended guys buy panties in their own size.

Come on now dopers, I'm certain the creative & diabolical people here can offer the 'commited, yet unhappy' crowd better advice than the Dutch.

[msmith537]

Here's some hints from the experts at Maxim:
http://www.maximonline.com/world_o_s...icle_6208.html

[AskNott]

Tell her you're looking for a brainless cum-bucket, and she's not it. I once knew a guy who really was looking for that. When he found her, it lasted about three weeks. He didn't say how he broke up with her, except that he drove her back to Ottumwa.

[griffen2]

Say retarded stuff as though you actually believe it. Swear blind that Michael Jackson has only had two nose jobs and that anyone who says otherwise is a racist. Don't back down.

[belladonna]

-quit your job and tell her you plan to just live on love

-introduce her to your four children and their four mothers

-borrow her car to run to the store, and when you bring it back a week later be sure not to wash it

--admit a secret fetish

[betenoir]

[quote=belladonna
--admit a secret fetish[/QUOTE]

Me and Dan Savage might take issue with this one. What's wrong with having a fetish?And why shouldn't you expect any decent girl/boyfriend to at least entertain the notion of said fetish?

[Maastricht]

The site the OP linked to was a lame idea from a very lame advertising agency, employed by a an extremely lame touroperator selling tours to single youngsters.

:: throws heavy wooden clog at JohnBckWLD::

[griffen2]

Originally Posted by betenoir

Me and Dan Savage might take issue with this one. What's wrong with having a fetish?And why shouldn't you expect any decent girl/boyfriend to at least entertain the notion of said fetish?

Good point. Better make it a dead goat fetish or something.

[belladonna]

Originally Posted by betenoir

Me and Dan Savage might take issue with this one. What's wrong with having a fetish?And why shouldn't you expect any decent girl/boyfriend to at least entertain the notion of said fetish?

I'd meant to elaborate and make it a secret, bizarre, ulta-disgusto fetish, but I hit return too quickly and it didn't seem important enough to repost to clarify. griffen's done it for me, I see, and quite nicely at that.
I know fetishes aren't horrid by definition, I've a couple of my own I'm quite fond of.

[Scribble]

Tell her you're giving her up for Lent. This works especially well for Jews and other non-Catholics..

[A Monkey With a Gun]

"So, um... is your mom dating anybody? Would she be opposed to a three way?"

[Scribble]

Let her know that you've found your calling. You're going to walk the Earth, preaching the WORD of JAY-sus! Ask if she'd be willing to travel with you. After all, you need someone to pitch the tent, carry your stuff, and shout at hecklers when you get tired.

[betenoir]

Originally Posted by belladonna

I'd meant to elaborate and make it a secret, bizarre, ulta-disgusto fetish, but I hit return too quickly and it didn't seem important enough to repost to clarify. griffen's done it for me, I see, and quite nicely at that.
I know fetishes aren't horrid by definition, I've a couple of my own I'm quite fond of.

Ah. Well, fair enough then. And I will give you that "Honey, I have this thing for dead goats" would indeed be a dealbreaker for me. Despite my being generally open minded...


I like Monkey's suggestion. Although as it happens, I've have a couple boyfriends comment on my mother. And one who meeting my mother and grandmother, suggested a hat-trick. What can I say, we're a sexy family. Even into our 80's. And he wasn't serious. I think .

[Arwin]

Originally Posted by Maastricht

The site the OP linked to was a lame idea from a very lame advertising agency, employed by a an extremely lame touroperator selling tours to single youngsters.

:: throws heavy wooden clog at JohnBckWLD::

Yeah, and besides, I had all these fun ideas, but being Dutch I can't possibly beat me at my own game. :grumble: :: throws the remaining heavy wooden clog at JohnBckWLD ::

Ah well. Initially I thought the thread was going to imply that the Dutch are the break-up experts, so in the end the thread didn't turn out as bad as I thought.

Actually, I think they picked out the worst two. The rest are silly too, but some of them have been mentioned in this thread, so here are all 11 tips:

1. Say that you want *his* child.

Sexist. Being a guy, I don't think you could make me a bigger compliment, but ok.

2. Say you want to experiment with *her* and her best friend. If that doesn't work, at least you had some good clean fun.

Again rampantly sexist. We have a thread here that indicates that this tip would be more effective for women and with equally appreciated perks.
3. Budget tip: SMS her with the words "We need to have a serious talk." That way *she*'ll end up paying for the long break-up talk.

Note the implication that she'll want the long talk, but this wouldn't be effective on a he, because he wouldn't want the talk. Or whatever. Lame.

4. Break up in a busy bar, so that he or she doesn't start crying.

Notice the he or she here, they're consciously being sexist where noted. But equally surprising, even their sexism has limits

5. Give her a sexy outfit several sizes too large.

That could backfire. "Thanks hon, I know you like my breasts but they're not THAT big." And while we're being sexist, a more original one would have been to buy *him* sexy underwear with a leopard-skin pattern.

6. Send an SMS to a popular MTV network programme (that shows SMS messages). That way, you don't have to explain anyone else either.

If you had any doubts about the demographic for this ad-campaign, they're over now.

7. Make an erotic video for the two of you, and put it on the internet.

8. A Classic: during sex, squeal out the name of *her* mother.

Classics are usually sexist by default and besides can almost always improved upon. Not only could you scream out just as well the name of *his father*, but how about squealing out the name of your own father or mother.

9. Hide a pair of panties in *his* bag, and then discover it by *coincidence* (don't forget to remove the price tag).

Laaaame. And sexist, too. Here too I could think of some decent alternatives.

10. Say can't stop thinking about your ex.

11. And if really nothing else works: cheat. But make sure you're discovered.

And that one, in this context, is the dumbest of all. The idea of this website is to dump your boy/girlfriend before you go on a holiday (by yourself/with your friends, obviously), so that you don't have to feel guilty about fooling around.

The only reason why this 11th one is there, is because they want to make it eleven reasons, which indicates that they're not being totally serious (11 is the fools number, at least here). Well, duh!