…you went and spent $90 on a cut and color and your man didn’t notice it at all?
Also, he knew that’s where you spent the afternoon and saw you the second you walked in the door.
Irritated, not angry or outraged, just irritated…
Just a little poll to see how lady Dopers feel about this topic… 
Nah. Guys don’t look at hair much, unless it’s somewhere they don’t want it. I quit expecting them to; it saves a lot of frustration.
I would notice…
when I got the Visa bill. Ba-dum-bum!
Irritated, indeed! No, pissed off is more like it.
My ex (emphasis on ex) never said a word when I came home with new hair. I was almost tempted to shave it off just to see if I could get a reaction. When I would ask, “How do you like my hair?”, his reply was something along the lines of, “Whatever you like, darling.”
Ugh.
Sort of. It depends on the context of the relationship. I got a haircut yesterday and I gave my husband at least three hours to figure it out on his own. Once I told him, he was like, “Uh, oh. I failed, didn’t I?” But the first thing he told me when he saw me after work, without even realizing I’d cut my hair, was “You’re pretty” – so he was heartily forgiven in advance. There is no reason for me to feel angry at him for not noticing, because I am very pleased with our relationship and I know he loves me. But in a context where someone feels continuously unappreciated, and it’s just one thing on top of another… yes, of course I would be angry. However, it would clearly be only a symptom of a much larger problem.
I had a GF once who had beautiful long hair.
Then one day on a whim, she got it all cut off.
With out thinking, upon first seeing this I blurted out: “What the fuck did you do?!”
Yeah, that was a BIG mistake on my part. I felt really bad afterwords.
Lilbro is great for things like “which shoes are better?” but he doesn’t remember whether his women have gone to the hairdresser, the gym, or a cafeteria. His brain has the information stashed somewhere, but there’s no connection between “bye, I’m going down to the hairdresser” and “oh, guess I have to look at her hair when she comes back and say something.”
I know men who do notice but they’ve been bitten too many times. They made a remark and it was the wrong one and got them yelled at, so now they think “uh, did she go to the hairdresser? I better not say anything…” After all, if she’s going to be mad any way, why give her pointers. These aren’t likely to say anything unless the woman in question used to be ultraconservative and now sports blue and fuchsia streaks in her mohawk.
I don’t take offense at all, it’s a man thing.
Haircuts just don’t seem to register with some guys. I always make a point of telling 'im indoors when I’m getting my haircut so he (hopefully) remembers to find a suitable compliment when he sees me afterwards. He’s usually not got anything better than “your hair looks nice” but at least he remembered I was having it done!
Eh, it depends on how much of a change the cut and color were. A trim and root touchup I don’t expect him to notice. A slightly different 'do also might not register, and I don’t mind. Failure to notice a drastic change would piss me off.
I notice! I compliment!
My wife went and cut 8 inches off of her long black hair and donated it to making wigs for cancer patients. While I loved her with long hair, the shorter 'do looks great on her, too, I told her so. Of course, this is different than just going to get your hair done, so it’s not like I was going to forget or not notice.
Then, later that night, it was kind of like getting some strange, except it was all safe and legal and stuff…
As a non lady I can tell you my approach to such things. If I like it I will make a comment because when you reply I can make some honest response. If I think you look like shit and shouldn’t have done it, I will say nothing and hope you let it go. If I say anything, even something neutral, it may inspire you to ask me a question I don’t want to answer.
I honestly go out of my way to compliment people - partners, friends, workmates on any changes they make to their “look” but it’s only to other guys that I would say, “Shit that haircut is a crime in some countries.”
If its a drastic change, it’s noticed. Maintenance, not so much. I’m going with the three-color highlights next time. He has a very simple approach to noticing; a grunt is good, silence is bad.
Ditto. It really depends on how much change was made.
Not quite the same, but I went out with a woman twice last week, our first two dates, and her hair looked different between the two dates. I thought I’d mention that her hair looked different, and better the second time, but was afraid that she might say, “What, are you nuts? It’s the same damn hair I’ve had for years.” I wasn’t sure that she hadn’t combed it differently, or just that I hadn’t noticed it very much the first time.
Sure, enough, she mentioned that she’d had her hair cut between dates, and I felt like I’d lost a chance to score some points for noticing. But the downside was just too large.
I would probably be amused, rather than irritated. My husband will usually notice a big change – a completely different style or color. Maybe not a maintenance cut or a root-touch up. And, even with a complete change, he might not notice right away. Because, after 21 years, he doesn’t always really look at me when he looks at me. Sometimes he’s got something else on his mind, you know.
So I say, “Hey! Didn’t you notice my hair? You should have – it cost you 90 bucks!”
And he says, “Oh yeah! Let me see! Wow, it looks great – you look great!” And all is good.
I don’t much care either way, which is good. My husband is the king of the unobservent men.
A great story regarding the OP: We had great friends up in NY that we were meeting for dinner. We got to the restaurant and after I hugged my friend L I said “Oh! Your hair looks fantasitic!!” and she nearly strangled her husband. Apparently the ride over had been a discussion of “YOU NEVER NOTICE ANYTHING!!” and “IT WASN’T EVEN NOTICEABLE!” Apparently it was noticeble, just not to him. Oops!
On the days she does the “good” 'do, just say “You have the prettiest hair!” She will subliminally gravitate toward the one you like.
No, I wouldn’t care. I don’t really get my hair done to please him anyway - he likes really long hair and there’s a bunch of reasons why I can’t do that anymore. Though if he doesn’t like something, he’ll say so and then we never hear the end of that until I change it. 
FWIW, just the other day he got his hair cut and I didn’t notice it. He mentioned something about getting in the shower to get all the little itchy hairs off his neck and then seemed surprised when I said I hadn’t realized he’d cut his hair. Of course, he’s gotten exactly the same hair cut every 6 weeks since the Earth cooled, so that may have something to do with it. 
As long as it’s phrased as a compliment, you’re probably safe.
To answer the OP - I’d be a little bit irritated if I made a big change and he didn’t notice. He usually notices when something’s different, even though he’s said a million times that he has no hair preference and it’s all about what makes me happy. Which, really, seems like a sneaky way to get out of expressing an opinion…
I dunno. Mr. Lissar notices. If I cut it short, he’d cry for weeks. If I dye it, he just looks sad. If he didn’t notice (somehow) I’d be a little offended, but that’s because he’s a noticing-type-person, and it would mean he was spectacularly failing to pay attention to me.
My Dad didn’t notice when I got my waist-length hair cut off to by chin. It was funny. He doesn’t notice anything personal.