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  #1  
Old 06-21-2007, 10:45 PM
Lizard Lizard is offline
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Guys: Ever date a girl who was hard to get? What happened?

I'm interested in stories of wooing, in the classical sense. Guys who fell for women who may or may not have liked them back, but didn't make it easy. Obviously, I'm in situation like this now. She's not pushing me away, nor throwing the door wide open. (This is NOT the Christian girl I mentioned in another thread).
The woman in question is smart, mature, independent, etc. I think she might just be worth waiting for. But I've never done that before for any woman. I want to hear some success stories for encouragement.

Last edited by Lizard; 06-21-2007 at 10:45 PM..
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  #2  
Old 06-21-2007, 10:52 PM
DianaG DianaG is offline
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It would be helpful to have some examples of what you mean by "not making it easy". Can you describe some illustrative interactions you've had with her?
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  #3  
Old 06-21-2007, 11:09 PM
Lizard Lizard is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DianaG
It would be helpful to have some examples of what you mean by "not making it easy". Can you describe some illustrative interactions you've had with her?
Well, I'm not really looking for analyses or comparisons of my own situation. As for examples, I think the guys can self-select; we all know when a woman is making us work for her. Basically, if you think you are or did, then it's true.
I really couldn't give examples from my own situation anyway; it's a bit too early yet.
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  #4  
Old 06-21-2007, 11:11 PM
Autolycus Autolycus is offline
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Have you asked her out?
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  #5  
Old 06-21-2007, 11:40 PM
Lizard Lizard is offline
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Originally Posted by Autolycus
Have you asked her out?
*sigh* Yes, I have, and she agreed, although we tend to hang out with a big group of her friends so far. She's inviting me to whatever they're doing, so she wants me around, but she's apparently in no hurry to do more.
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  #6  
Old 06-21-2007, 11:49 PM
John Carter of Mars John Carter of Mars is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizard
I'm interested in stories of wooing, in the classical sense.
I never really tried that. If she seemed somewhat hard to get, I'd just swing for the fence right from the start. I'd ask her out. If she said yes, she was no longer "hard to get", and if she said no I moved on, with little time or effort invested in the failed attempt.

Boring, I know, but most of the time they'd accept the date offer and I didn't lose any sleep over the few that didn't.

PS: YOU ask HER out. Don't make it a group thing with friends. Just the two of you go somewhere, do something together.

Last edited by John Carter of Mars; 06-21-2007 at 11:50 PM..
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  #7  
Old 06-22-2007, 12:57 AM
DrDeth DrDeth is offline
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Well, many times. Once it was a gorgeous model-tyep, who said "No one ever asks me out!" and we had a good time for a while.

Another time it was with another really good looking gal, and she laughed at me.


And women wonder why men are the way they are.
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  #8  
Old 06-22-2007, 01:25 AM
Zambini57 Zambini57 is offline
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Yeah, I chased after a very attractive woman for about a year. Finally got her to go out with me. We hit it off, went to ballgames, dinners, movies, flying, motorcycling and blah blah.

She moved in for awhile and then I asked her to leave. She was crowding me and calling me at work ten times a day.

This is what actuallty happened and if anyone thinks it's terrible or tragic, or that I am a pig, well, that's your boggle.

She met and married someone else and is very happy. And I am happy, too.
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  #9  
Old 06-22-2007, 05:25 AM
DianaG DianaG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizard
*sigh* Yes, I have, and she agreed, although we tend to hang out with a big group of her friends so far. She's inviting me to whatever they're doing, so she wants me around, but she's apparently in no hurry to do more.
Wait up... you asked her out and she said yes? How much easier is she supposed to make it for you?

I mean, simply mounting a man is a direct and unambiguous way of saying "I like you", but some people consider it overly aggressive, so we tend to save it for really special cases.
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  #10  
Old 06-22-2007, 05:37 AM
Dunderman Dunderman is offline
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Originally Posted by Zambini57
This is what actuallty happened and if anyone thinks it's terrible or tragic, or that I am a pig, well, that's your boggle.
A bit defensive are we? You might want to save that in case someone, you know, actually criticizes you. Otherwise it looks very much like it's your boggle.

As for me, I was in a three-year relationship with a lesbian. Unfortunately, that's the extent of how interesting that story is. I did no wooing, no brilliant acts of seduction, nothing. She told me she wasn't interested, it became clear why, I pulled back, we became friends, and all of a sudden bam. I guess I'm just supernaturally charming. Which doesn't explain why I'm still single over two years later. One of the mysteries of life.
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Old 06-22-2007, 05:39 AM
Baffle Baffle is offline
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I don't have the patience, so it didn't work.
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  #12  
Old 06-22-2007, 06:23 AM
An Arky An Arky is offline
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I can't think of a case where a woman really liked a man but still "played hard to get", except for a few psychobitchesfromhell.

It's quite possible that a woman may want to take things slow due to past baggage, etc., but still, a reasonable woman in that situation would let you know that was the case.

Sorry about this not being a tale from the small end of the bell curve...
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  #13  
Old 06-22-2007, 07:18 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is online now
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Guys: Ever date a girl who was hard to get? What happened?

Many times.


I didn't get them.




No joke. But you keep trying.
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  #14  
Old 06-22-2007, 10:16 AM
Cat Fight Cat Fight is offline
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I've been accused of playing hard to get, but never have. I've either been uninterested in the guy or a relationship in general (with anyone). Or I dreaded a one-on-one date going wrong and awkward (that's why groups and parties are so great. You can turn them into a one-on-one thing at any time)

(Sorry, I know you asked for *guys'* stories)

Last edited by Cat Fight; 06-22-2007 at 10:16 AM..
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  #15  
Old 06-23-2007, 12:04 AM
Uzi Uzi is online now
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In my 20's I did this a few times. I set my sight on a girl, became friends, and waited for her to realize what a great guy I was. Was I a great guy? Nope, I was an idiot waiting for something that should be relatively obvious right from the beginning. After traveling around the world I have come to realize that there are huge numbers of women out there. Play the numbers and meet lots of women. There is far more chance of meeting the one who likes you as much as you like them if you do so.
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  #16  
Old 06-23-2007, 01:00 AM
gonzomax gonzomax is offline
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If you do chase one ,keep an easier one on the side. Can't go dry.
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  #17  
Old 06-23-2007, 01:30 AM
Autolycus Autolycus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gonzomax
If you do chase one ,keep an easier one on the side. Can't go dry.
You just made my brain hurt. Were you joking, or is that really how you think of relationships?
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  #18  
Old 06-23-2007, 03:02 AM
engineer_comp_geek engineer_comp_geek is offline
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I chased a hard to get girl in high school. I chased her for months and never got so much as even a kiss out of her. She would let me spend time with her, and we had fun together, but she would never let it progress to "girlfriend/boyfriend" stage. She even outright told me that she was playing hard to get. Finally, I gave up. Then, she asked a friend of hers to ask me why I wasn't calling her any more.



I'm pretty sure she wanted me to go back to chasing her. I didn't.
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  #19  
Old 06-23-2007, 03:16 AM
jjimm jjimm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DianaG
It would be helpful to have some examples of what you mean by "not making it easy".
Restraining orders?

Me, I chased a girl for a year. And one day I got her. We were together for seven years.

When we were together, she used to quote me an old Irish adage her mother used to tell her:

"He chased her and chased her and chased her... until she caught him."
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  #20  
Old 06-23-2007, 05:34 AM
LouisB LouisB is offline
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Back when I was a tot in bible-belt southern baptist small town Texas, almost all girls/women were hard to get: they were indoctrinated to be that way. So, I moved to California.

Seriously, if the woman in question is playing hard to get, the OP might try playing harder to get than she is. Feigned (or real) indifference can be effective in opening a serious discussion.
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  #21  
Old 06-23-2007, 10:22 AM
Tranquilis Tranquilis is offline
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I went after a girl who was hard to get - She kept me at arm's length (metaphorically-speaking) for about a year, and I maintained a close but non-threatening presence. Little things, like making sure I smiled at her every time I saw her, greeting her warmly first time I saw her each day, being readily and easily available whenever she needed help with anything, and so on, without hovering or circling like a vulture.

I dated, lightly - you know, just fun and companionship, with occasional sex, a couple other girls in the meanwhile. The softly, softly approach paid off - There came a day when she had an extra pass to a special traveling museum exhibit, and my name was the one that was in her mind. Again, softly-softly. A few days afterwards, she invited me back to her place, and after that, she wasn't hard to get anymore. Unfortunately, we weren't really good for each other, as much fun as we had together - we tended to bring out bad behaviors in each other, and so split while we were still friends.
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  #22  
Old 06-23-2007, 10:47 AM
KlondikeGeoff KlondikeGeoff is offline
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OK, here's a tale of wooing and winning.

Back during the Korean War, I was stationed in an army hospital in Japan. I became quite attracted to a Japanese girl who worked there, and we chatted whenever we met. We seemed to have similar interests. This kept on for some time, but she wisely and steadfastly refused to go out with any GI, including me.

Fortunately, one of my friends was a Nisei who was dating one of her best friends. The two of them finally persuaded her to go out with me on double dates.

This continued for some time until she eventually agreed to go out with me alone. We went sightseeing, on picnics, to nice restaurants, to art exhibits and galleries, etc until I guess she decided I wasn't a serial rapist or otherwise too dangerous.

Six months later we were married. That was 55 years ago, and we're still together.
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  #23  
Old 06-23-2007, 12:22 PM
Lizard Lizard is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by An Arky
It's quite possible that a woman may want to take things slow due to past baggage, etc., but still, a reasonable woman in that situation would let you know that was the case.(
I'm beginning to think this might be the case. As others have noted, she HAS said we could go out solo, the problem is she works the days I have off, and vice-versa. Plus, she's a hard woman to pin down. She is the epicenter of her group of friends; everyone gathers at HER house, everyone invites HER to everything, etc. She's not ignoring me, but I might need to be a bit more forceful. So far this is not progressing the way I would expect to if she really liked me, but at the same time, I am not getting any signals to back off. (We have mutual friends who would definitely tell me if that were the case.)
What I really need is to just sit and talk to her about it. She's a mature adult and extremely intelligent, and I know we could communicate well if we did that. But I can't jsut call her (she never answers her phone, and she's that way with everyone, not just me) and there's the schedule problem.
I have been hanging out with her in group settings though, and that seems to be the path of least resistance. Not sure what, if anything, that means.

KlondikeGeoff, that's a GREAT story!
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  #24  
Old 06-23-2007, 12:23 PM
Lizard Lizard is offline
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I should add that my overall impression is that patence in this situation could be rewarded. I don't think she's used to men taking an interest in her, and may just not be sure how to respond. But certainly impatience is the wrong way to go.
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  #25  
Old 06-23-2007, 01:16 PM
John DiFool John DiFool is offline
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Yah I have one too. In college I was in the lunch line at the cafeteria when this cute as hell thin (yet wiry-strong) brunette walks in. It was like "Your Type!" was flashing in bold neon colors across her back (her jacket in fact had several wildlife/wild places patches which for me the bird nut was basically the same thing). She seemed very into me that day too (at one point she whispered back to her friend, who was teasing her about her hair or something, "Not now I'm trying to talk to this cute guy!"). Needless to say I thought I had died and gone to Heaven.

Instead I was on a very long road to Hell. After a few minor dates here and there she proceeded to completely jerk me around and back again. We were eating lunch one day and she starts to play footsies with me under the table, but when I respond in kind she all of a sudden started to withdraw and shrink back, and I was like "What the fuck did I do?" Despite all these BS games she played she was nevertheless so alluring to me in various ways that I persisted despite myself.

This went on for several months, until we exchanged a few heated emails, where in the last one she in no unambiguous terms stated that everything had to be done her way, no exceptions, from dating to kissing to screwing (no we never got past first base either). At that point I finally wised up and told her that she had to get over her fear and anger or she will forevermore be alone, and ended it all right there. She never wrote back to me or anything.
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  #26  
Old 06-24-2007, 02:22 AM
drachillix drachillix is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizard
The woman in question is smart, mature, independent, etc.

And IME jerking your chain.

I may sound a bit bitter but this was a sore spot for me for a long time. I was one of the proverbial "nice guys". I eventually discovered that all it was getting me is a peck on the cheek while she went off to fuck someone else. As an experiment I started dialing up the demands a bit and if she wasn't interested in spending the night by date #3, end of story. Amazingly enough my 3rd date conversion ratio was quite high, my wife still calls me a slut because of it. After years of being taken for a drag with the occasional score suddenly I was rarely going more than a couple weeks without getting any. There were only 2 exceptions to the 3rd date rule and they both spent the night but backed off on actual sex, both of them did have sex with me on date 4.
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  #27  
Old 06-24-2007, 03:03 AM
Lizard Lizard is offline
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Originally Posted by drachillix
And IME jerking your chain.

I may sound a bit bitter but this was a sore spot for me for a long time. I was one of the proverbial "nice guys". I eventually discovered that all it was getting me is a peck on the cheek while she went off to fuck someone else.
I can certainly sympathize, but I know this woman is definitely not going off to fuck someone else. We are both part of a large group of nosy friends; no way would I be unaware of any other men in her life.

I am not approaching her as a woman who I want to get into bed; I'm approaching her as a woman I want to have a real relationship with. That's not to say I'm not physically attracted to her, but there's more to it than that. I'm walking a fine line here; she is much more vital to the life of the group than I am, and if I mess this up (to say nothing of her OWN reticence) life would become rather awkward for me. So I am willing to go slow and carefully--up to a point. my instincts tell me this is the right way to go, but my patience IS starting to wear thin.
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  #28  
Old 06-24-2007, 06:02 AM
Rich Mann Rich Mann is offline
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Years back, I met an incredibly attractive woman who (incredibly) seemed very attracted to me. It happened that we shared a few interests, as well. We started seeing a lot of each other, but from the start her rather flighty nature interfered. She could (and often did) switch from hot passion to total indifference or vice-versa in a second--for little or no apparent reason. But still I kept trying to make things work, somehow.

I gave up on her after a misunderstanding. I came to pick her up to go out and she was really pissed at me. Eventually I was able to get her to tell me why. It seemed that a friend told her that a friend told her that a friend told her.........that I had told someone that I was sleeping with her. (I had said no such thing.)

What bothered me was that she wasn't pissed because she thought I had talked about our relationship, but because she was embarrassed that other people thought she was having sex with me. I mean, way to make a guy feel studly (not).

After that I avoided her, but she started going to places she knew I'd be and trying to monopolize me--as if we were still together. Basically stalking me. This went on until one time I saw a way to get the message to her. An ex-girlfriend of mine was at a party and I got her to pretend we were together. When the Flake showed up we were hanging on each other and kissing and groping like we used to when we really were going out.

She loudly confronted me in front of everybody. She said that we were through and taunted me that I would never get to have her fantastic body ever again. She dared me to deny that she was the best lay I had ever had.

In front of the totally silent crowd I cleared my throat and said, "You seem to have forgotten. You never did put out for me. That's why I dumped you."

I can't begin to describe the expressions that crossed her face before she ran out. I never saw her again.
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  #29  
Old 06-24-2007, 09:59 AM
John DiFool John DiFool is offline
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Rich I can definitely relate. Why do some women (ok, people) act like this, I would really want to know.
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  #30  
Old 06-24-2007, 04:41 PM
Telperien Telperien is offline
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Originally Posted by John DiFool
Rich I can definitely relate. Why do some women (ok, people) act like this, I would really want to know.
Because they can get away with it. It's as simple as that, and one of the few things in life that really is that simple.
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  #31  
Old 06-24-2007, 04:50 PM
MovieMogul MovieMogul is offline
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I didn't get her.

Her loss.
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  #32  
Old 06-24-2007, 05:09 PM
Cheesesteak Cheesesteak is offline
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Originally Posted by Lizard
she's a hard woman to pin down. She is the epicenter of her group of friends; everyone gathers at HER house, everyone invites HER to everything, etc. She's not ignoring me,
Personally, I agree with drachillix. After a long time chasing uninterested women, I've decided on one thing. Any chick who is interested in you will make time for a date. Paris Hilton (when she gets out of the slammer) will find time to have a nice quiet dinner with you, and you alone, if she digs you.

She doesn't answer her phone, though somehow she winds up with a chock full schedule. She can't accept an invitation to hang out with you, but can accept invitations from other friends, which fills up her time.

If she wanted to go on a date with you, she'd accept your invite and decline theirs, it's really not that hard to do.

I can imagine valid reasons to play hard to get, but "busy with friends" isn't one of them.
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  #33  
Old 06-24-2007, 05:46 PM
Lizard Lizard is offline
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Originally Posted by Telperien
Because they can get away with it. It's as simple as that, and one of the few things in life that really is that simple.
While I agree, it's not as if women have a lock on assholish behavior. Think of all the guys who cheat on, beat up, ignore, or otherwise abuse the women who care for them. Yeah, it sucks getting jerked around by a woman, but relationships between the sexes are a two way street.

Regarding my own situation, we are going out Wednesday. *happy dance*
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  #34  
Old 06-24-2007, 05:49 PM
Telperien Telperien is offline
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Originally Posted by Lizard
While I agree, it's not as if women have a lock on assholish behavior. Think of all the guys who cheat on, beat up, ignore, or otherwise abuse the women who care for them. Yeah, it sucks getting jerked around by a woman, but relationships between the sexes are a two way street.

Regarding my own situation, we are going out Wednesday. *happy dance*
Yeah, getting jerked around that way is bad from either side.

And good for you!
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  #35  
Old 06-24-2007, 05:50 PM
Bearflag70 Bearflag70 is offline
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I met this attrective woman, and we went out, and she was nice, intelligent, and witty, and we had some common interests, etc. Things were going well.

Then, I would call her on or about Tuesday to chat and ask her out for the following weekend.

Granted, she was a nurse and kept an odd schedule, but she would often say, "I have to check my schedule."

She would call me or I would call her a day or two later to chat some more. After some "getting to know you better" chat, and knowing that she had been to work, I would ask if she had checked her schedule. She kept saying that she hadn't. Then, Thursday or Friday would come, and we would end up going out on Saturday.

Repeat.

I was very much into her, and I think she knew it, and took advantage of that.

Eventually, she decided to sleep with me. However, without getting into details, the things we did weren't "mutual" and I did everything and she did nothing and she never reciprocated, claimig she "wasn't ready." I felt so used!

Being somewhat infatuated, it took me a while to realize that she was probably waiting for something "better" to come along before booking me for a Friday or Saturday night date. She was probably holding out until Thursday night to make her weekend plans.

The "sleep-over" was my wake-up call to end it all right there. I stopped calling. I think she called me a couple times, but I ignored it.

She saw me in passing at a public event and told me she wanted to talk to me. I said "hi" but never got around to talking to her. And that was that.

Last edited by Bearflag70; 06-24-2007 at 05:52 PM..
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  #36  
Old 06-24-2007, 05:51 PM
Lizard Lizard is offline
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Originally Posted by Cheesesteak
If she wanted to go on a date with you, she'd accept your invite and decline theirs, it's really not that hard to do.

I can imagine valid reasons to play hard to get, but "busy with friends" isn't one of them.
I agree, but it's not quite so cut and dried. Keep in mind she is close friends with these other people, and I am just some guy she didn't know at all until recently. She has never said she was "busy with friends"; I haven't pressed the issue much (i.e., really trying to get a date) because I thought I'd hang out with her group and see how it went. It apparently is going well--see my last post.
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  #37  
Old 06-25-2007, 10:09 AM
elbows elbows is offline
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Well, actually, I was the girl, but I was not 'playing' at anything.

I had been away traveling and had returned secure in the self awareness that I would likely never successfully partner. Oh, I'd get laid and all, but I didn't seem to have what it took to actually find a life long partner. My parents relationship was enormously dysfunctional, and I didn't want that. My siblings had all walked down the aisle and ended up in divorce court, bitter and angry sadly unable to move beyond it. I sure didn't want that. While I was away on that holiday I decided I would probably be alone through my life, with possible short relationships but no successes. I also returned knowing I wanted to do a lot more traveling and pretty certain getting mixed up with some boy would only get in the way of that. That's where I was at when I was 28 yrs old.

So I come back to my homeland get a job in a bar and start saving for my next holiday. I met this guy, lots of fun, charming, huge hit with the ladies, almost 10yrs older than I, and showing no signs of changing his stripes. From where I sat, he looked like someone I could have a lot of fun with sans fear of serious involvement cropping up. And so we went out, and we had some fun, really good fun, if you catch my drift. It was enough for me.

So one night he calls me up and asks if I'm all alone. I tell him I am wherein he coyly asks if I want him to come over. I just wasn't that girl, I was just fine on my own. So I said, brightly, no I'm okay. Well it turns out he wasn't really accustom to that sort of response. Didn't take it all that well.

From that moment forward he seemed to spend all his time trying to get under my skin. I was spending all my time trying to keep him at arms length. We were having a great time together, the sex was awesome, but I truly did not want a partner, just a little fun. I figured it was okay as guys do it all the time. And it wasn't like I'd selected a 'nice guy, shy guy, sweet guy' who would be hurt. This guy was a player, so it seemed okay to me. I was also very up front about it all.

Of course, that was over 22 yrs ago now, we still laugh about it to this day. When people would accuse me of liking him, in the early days, I would respond; "I like brussel sprouts better than him. He's a no good, black hearted, son-of-a-bitch. And I hate brussel sprouts!"

We spent many years traveling all over the world together, if I'd set out to find such a man I'm certain to have failed. In fact, when I met him, he'd never even been to Florida!

I wasn't 'playing' hard to get, but I was.
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  #38  
Old 06-25-2007, 03:26 PM
Lionne Lionne is offline
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Originally Posted by drachillix
As an experiment I started dialing up the demands a bit and if she wasn't interested in spending the night by date #3, end of story.
You expected a woman to fuck you by the third date? That's sweet.
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  #39  
Old 06-25-2007, 03:28 PM
Telperien Telperien is offline
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I don't think that counts as "hard to get," elbows. You weren't playing a game; you really didn't care whether he "got" you or not.
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  #40  
Old 06-25-2007, 03:51 PM
alice_in_wonderland alice_in_wonderland is offline
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Another story from the "hard to get" girl's perspective.

Around X-mas I met a guy who started asking me out. He asked me out every day and I kept turning him down because he was too young for me. Every day he phoned me, and every day I turned him down. We're talking about 60 turn downs.

About two months of this later we were talking and he said he was going out with a 19 year old. I wished him a good time. He said he would rather go out with me. I said "Well, I suppose I could go out with you sometime." thinking I was safe because he was going out with a 19 year old.

He hung up on me, and called me back about 5 mintues later and said "Ok, I cancelled with her. What time should I pick you up?"

He just moved in to my condo.

So, don't give up hope just because the gal turns you down 60 odd times.
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  #41  
Old 06-25-2007, 04:05 PM
anu-la1979 anu-la1979 is offline
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People demand that women sleep with them on the third date, now? Like, outright demand? That's the type of thing that gets a bwahahahahaha from me, especially the idea that anyone would put out after being told something like that. I guess I'm just not a trained monkey that can be easily controlled or manipulated.

Congratulations, alice, I remember you posting about that chap...I also met a younger man who pursued me after a lot of hemming and hawing on my part, and I'm wondering what took me so long to be open to the possibility.

Last edited by anu-la1979; 06-25-2007 at 04:06 PM..
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  #42  
Old 06-25-2007, 04:40 PM
Madd Maxx Madd Maxx is offline
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Originally Posted by KlondikeGeoff
Six months later we were married. That was 55 years ago, and we're still together.
Huzzah!
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  #43  
Old 06-25-2007, 04:42 PM
alice_in_wonderland alice_in_wonderland is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anu-la1979
Congratulations, alice, I remember you posting about that chap...I also met a younger man who pursued me after a lot of hemming and hawing on my part, and I'm wondering what took me so long to be open to the possibility.
You and me both.
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  #44  
Old 06-25-2007, 04:46 PM
Telperien Telperien is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alice_in_wonderland
You and me both.
Speaking for myself, I had to wait till younger guys became old enough that it wasn't creepy.
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  #45  
Old 06-25-2007, 05:19 PM
anu-la1979 anu-la1979 is offline
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Mine piped up after 2 months with an email that stated "Might I presume there to be a mutual attraction between us or do you suppose this is just something I concoted in my imagination?" (yes, really)

Because apparently he is a Mr. Darcy for the 2000s. I fell off the chair laughing.

I don't play hard to get or deliberately lead men on and if I don't think there's anything there I cut it off pretty quickly rather than waste someone's effort and time. But, I've had some horrible experiences (including dating someone who lied to me about their real name and religion in order to date me) and so I've become wary and have a screening process where I know I really like the guy but I want to develop a friendship first so I can figure out his character.

I guess I am old-fashioned and out of step with modern dating mores.

And very sweet story, KlondikeGeoff.
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  #46  
Old 06-25-2007, 05:37 PM
Tranquilis Tranquilis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anu-la1979
People demand that women sleep with them on the third date, now? Like, outright demand? That's the type of thing that gets a bwahahahahaha from me, especially the idea that anyone would put out after being told something like that.
My hard-to-get girl basically swarmed me under on our second date. Even though that date took about a year to happen.Even though it wasn't really all that much of a date; more like dinner at her place, followed by an ambush. I guess *I* was the one who had to 'put out' on demand.
*shrug*

My wife and I... Well, I weaseled her into bed on our first date. Even though she was the one who asked *me* out. OK, so she was interested, I still had to be persuasive. No doubt about it, I was agressively intent on getting her into bed, and she was willing to be convinced. I guess she liked it well enough... 18 years later, we're still together, and still playing similar games (when we have time). Heh... Now that I look back, I may have been *her* "hard-to-get guy." When we first met, I was still very much involved with my hard-to-get girl. She had to wait for that relationship to run its course, first - nine or ten months.


Come to think on it, over the years, past highschool, the number of women I went out with where my interest lasted past the fourth date without some kind of over-riding interest, either in her, or in her body, adds up to... Hmmm... Zero. I'm not monk - not now, not then. So, either she had to be a damned good match for me mentally and emotionally, or had to have other inducements to keep me around, or... I wasn't around.


Buuut... Demand..? No. If if a woman wasn't that interested in me, well, I could, and did, find other women more interested.
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  #47  
Old 06-25-2007, 08:49 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is online now
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Location: Back in the GT eeehhhh...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alice_in_wonderland
So, don't give up hope just because the gal turns you down 60 odd times.
I find this very slightly disturbing for some reason.

Doesn't it kind of undermine the whole "no means no" thing that people have been trying to get across to the persistent for some time? I mean, I'm happy for you that it all worked out and everything,\ after you said 'yes', but I can just imagine some pig saying, "See? I was right! She did want it!"

I guess it boils down to a more subtle communication between people than is embodied only in words.
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  #48  
Old 06-25-2007, 10:24 PM
Tranquilis Tranquilis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunspace
I find this very slightly disturbing for some reason.

Doesn't it kind of undermine the whole "no means no" thing that people have been trying to get across to the persistent for some time?
I wouldn't think so... She said 'No,' he went away... Until tomorrow. And every time she said 'No,' he went away. Until the next day.

Until she said 'Yes.'

Just another form of negotiation.

Last edited by Tranquilis; 06-25-2007 at 10:24 PM..
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  #49  
Old 06-25-2007, 10:42 PM
Soapbox Monkey Soapbox Monkey is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alice_in_wonderland
Another story from the "hard to get" girl's perspective.

Around X-mas I met a guy who started asking me out. He asked me out every day and I kept turning him down because he was too young for me. Every day he phoned me, and every day I turned him down. We're talking about 60 turn downs.

About two months of this later we were talking and he said he was going out with a 19 year old. I wished him a good time. He said he would rather go out with me. I said "Well, I suppose I could go out with you sometime." thinking I was safe because he was going out with a 19 year old.

He hung up on me, and called me back about 5 mintues later and said "Ok, I cancelled with her. What time should I pick you up?"

He just moved in to my condo.

So, don't give up hope just because the gal turns you down 60 odd times.
Umm...that's beyond fucked up.

No offense.
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  #50  
Old 06-26-2007, 01:07 AM
drachillix drachillix is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LunaV
You expected a woman to fuck you by the third date? That's sweet.
Yes as a matter of fact I am.

Consider the following:

#1 We are all adults... I was 26-28 at this point in my life, its not like we are talking about people saving themselves for marriage.

#2 If you can't make a call as to whether or not you are willing to go there by the 3rd date (probably a couple weeks after a first meet) you do not find me appealing enough to bother pursuing you much further.

#3 If you you do find me appealing enough to go there, go, lifes too short to wander around wondering.

#4 Hey Opal, how you doin?

#5 If you have "relationship issues" or "bad experiences" that make you a little gunshy, then maybe you are not ready for dating with the big kids quite yet.

#6 Many of these women also did not make it to the third date for one reason or another without the issue even coming up.

#7 These were all online personal ad connections, you usually know who does and does not have/want kids, religious issues, basic socioeconomic background, etc from email and chat exchanges. The cute woman you saw across the bar you still need to figure all that out.

#8 Many women do not expect a man to be as confident as me. I know alot of guys who would sooner peel their own arms with a dull potato peeler than tell a woman you wanted to give her a really really good time. My definition of a really really good time, wondering how you ended up under the fitted sheet, then deciding you dont care and going to sleep.

Now, its not like it was wham bam thank you mam and never call back or something many of those women turned into longer term relationships.

One I even married.

Love you Cyn
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