understanding the dating game..does anyone?

ok so its ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to know how to go about trying to date someone. being a girl, i always feel as if the guy would never ever be so (pathetically) excited about possibley dating me as i would be him. and i’m really not one of those girlie girls…i’d say i’m more of a dude thats a girl(not in a freaky way) but yea i just never know if i should just go for the guy or take it slowly or play hard to get…i mean dude its impossible to tell. and maybe it just depends on the person but i’d just like some help. so any advice opinions, ANSWERS would be greatly appreciated

I would suggest finding the shift key first. Then be yourself. Being a girly girl is not a pre-req for getting a guyly guy. First hand experience speaking here. My daughter and husband still dress me for girly girl events.

My advice- work on your communication skills (especially writing), and you’ll attract a much higher quality of man- the kind that respects your brain.

And don’t worry- men almost always are excessively excited about dating a good woman, at least at first. They will do stunts for you. They will say things to you that their buddies would razz them for forever if they heard. They will stand under your window holding up a boombox playing “In Your Eyes”- oh wait, that was a movie. The point is, they are, for the most part, way willing to show excitement over dating you. Wait for it- it’s fun.

You sound pretty young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t stress about men.

This is how I went about the whole dating thing:

-Meet guys.
-Get to know them as people. Represent yourself honestly and hope like hell they’re doing the same.
-If you start to like them, great. Ask him out if you think it’ll get the ball rolling. If you don’t both fall in love, that’s cool too. Maybe you can be friends.
-If you luck out, and the guy you like likes you back, then just do what feels right. Jump straight into a serious relationship? Sure, if you both want to. Fuck on the first date? Sure, unless either of you doesn’t want to. You’re on no one’s itinerary or timetable but your own. Take it as slowly or quickly as you want.
-If it works out, YAY! If not, be patient, step out the dating pool for a while if you need a break, but eventually, go back to step 1.

Don’t worry about excitement. If it’s a relationship worth having, the excitement’s built in.

Nothing worth having is accomplished by playing hard to get or playing games.

And try reading ‘He’s Just not that into you’ - it will give you some insights into the dating game - the key is, don’t chase, let them do it.

What does this mean? That you shouldn’t ask people out?

As a guy, I have one think to say: Screw that.

(okay, more than one thing)

Despite the evening equality in the sexes over the years, it seems dating is still a little behind (it’s certainly not the only thing, just one of them.) It’s still the norm for the guy to ask out the girl, lest she be seen as ‘slutty’, ‘a tramp’, or ‘too forward.’ Cause we all know that guys LOVE a girl that plays hard to get. :rolleyes:

My ass. Lots of guys are just as shy as girls when it comes to dating/asking out. If you see a guy you like, go talk to him/buy him a drink/whatever. Don’t stand there making googly eyes hoping he might do it. If a guy thinks that girls that do make the first move are slutty or trampy, then he’s not worth going after, IMO.

Funny, men get that same advice. If nobody’s chasing, nobody’s getting.

I think the real truth is to give a little then pull back, then let the other person give a little and pull back. Flirt, but be subtle.

But here’s the thing about being subtle – we men are clueless! You pretty much have to hit us over the head with the clue bat. So you know what? Forget subtle. We won’t see it.

Well, in my experience, the book makes perfect sense…it does point out the ridiculousness of the whole thing in an age where women just go and get what they want. I have asked men out and/or contacted them afterwards, they act all cagey or wierd or non-committal if they aren’t interested, they never give you a straight: ‘I’m sorry, I’m not interested’. However, if you let them contact you first or ask you out first, you have more of a clear idea that they are interested.
The book suggests that if a guy is so shy that he can’t ask you out, is he really the kind of guy you want to go out with…again, from experience, even the most shy of guys - if they are into you, will contact you.

You could follow my friend Rob’s advice. Oh wait… you cant. Sorry. So, all i will say is to re-iterate: Be direct! Go for it! If you see a guy you like, grab him by the cajones and say “Hey You! Date! Now!” Ok, it wont be exactly like that, but you get the general idea.

I have been dating for a long time now and it is sooooo not that easy and I wish it was…people are put off by so many things and you have to be aware of that. Women are put off different things to men.

Ok, first off, your post screams, well, 15 year old. Okay, I grant you may be a senior in high school at around 18, but if you’re any older, PLEASE, get a writing style that looks your age. In fact, even if you are young, get a writing style (and more importantly, a speaking style) that reflects older, rather than younger.

Here’s the thing: you can’t understand “the dating game”. There are no general rules, no absolutes, hell, don’t even make generalizations about dating, or even people.

The only “rule” is that you have to approach every situation as a unique situation. I know a guy who can never really get a girl, because he takes all the dating advice he gets and tries to make it a formulaic rule “should I do X when Y happens, A means I need to do B” and he always ends up screwing up. Why? Because he isn’t looking at what’s happening as a unique person he’s dealing with.

So what does that mean?

  1. Keep an open Mind: look at the person and more importantly, react to that person the way you think they WANT to be reacted to. Watch people, interact with a lot of people, and your instincts will begin to get very good about the correct way to react to certain people
  2. Communicate OPENLY and HONESTLY. I can’t stress this enough, the #1 reason relationships fail is because people don’t communicate. To get in to a relationship, once you’re sure you want to be, don’t beat around the bush. Then again “HEY! DATE NOW!” won’t really work either (sorry, Auto
  3. Hi, Opal!
  4. Don’t be afraid to ask people on dates. Dates are relatively cheap, and as the saying goes, you fail 100% of the times you don’t try.
  5. Trust your instincts, do not question them. This is, as far as getting IN to a relationship, possibly more important than communication, which is how to sustain one. There is nothing that pisses me off more than people doubting themselves. If your screaming “I LIKE THIS PERSON” to yourself, go with it. The worst that can happen is that it won’t work out, and your instincts will tell you when that happens as well.

This reminds me of an old thread…lessee, as, here it is: [post=5737844]Scared of dating – am I normal?[/post]

Beyond that, I have no advice or useful opinions. Dating sucks.


Yeah, the first thing I think when I see a cute girl at a bar is “I wonder if she knows where the shift key is.”

no, I often wonder if she ever looks for the “any” key, that’s a tricky one.

Not nearly as important as knowing where your towel’s at.

yeah, otherwise this might happen
(link should be SFW, has sound though if that’s an issue)

And she’s not looking for advice in a bar now is she? And many people are hooking up on teh intrawebs these days ya no?

Oh and sha me now, but I agree with Auto again. :dubious:

You could always try hitting these guys up.

What is playing hard to get? If you make no indication that you are interested or approachable, men with think you are either disinterested or a snob. Generally, you want to be flirty and friendly without being overbearing. And if you hit it off with a guy, ask him out.