It happened again this weekend. I asked a girl I’ve been interested in out on a date, and got the “I don’t think of you that way” spiel. Specifically, the “I think of you like a big brother” turndown, which means I now have more siblings than any other single child on the planet. This is, quite literally, the only response I have ever gotten from women in whom I’m interested. That, or “I’d really hate to ruin our friendship,” or one of countless variations on the theme. And I’m kinda sick of it.
See, right now I’m feeling disappointed, a little bitter, and really frustrated. All of which sums up to a good amount of anger. The problem is, I’ve got no where to direct that anger. I can’t get angry at her. She can’t help how she feels about me, and she’s not under any obligation to sleep with me just because I’m hard up. So I end up internalizing that anger, getting into a big funk of self-hate, and then feeling like shit for a day or two. This has been going on pretty much constantly since high school, and I’d like a change. I’ve pretty much given up all hope of anyone ever saying “yes,” but I’d settle for a little hostility, maybe a few insults to go with my customary rejection. That way, instead of being disappointed by being rejected, I’d be relieved. “Thank God she said no!” I could say to myself, “Turns out she’s a real bitch! Guess I dodged a bullet that time!” Plus, I’ve actually got comebacks for naked hostility, whereas, despite more than a decade of practice, I still don’t know how to react to a polite rejection.
So, ladies, if I ever ask you out on a date, please, as a personal favor, tell me to fuck off. Insult my weight. Laugh in my face. Just don’t be nice to me when you tell me “no.” I don’t think I can take it anymore. Oh, and you’ll know it’s me, because I’ll be the smart, funny, well-mannered, good listener whom you wouldn’t fuck for all the chocolate in Switzerland.
I don’t know if it helps, Miller, but your one of my favorite posters.
Furthermore, in my experience, smart, level-headed, sensible, sincere, straightforward, well-adjusted folk such as I suspect you to be tend to take longer to settle down, but once they settle down, they stay settled down: they finally find another smart, level-headed, sensible, sincere, straightforward person,and once they do that the relationship itself is so easy, so simple, so joyous, that everything just falls into place.
This is because of the corruption of the word “date” by men to mean, “I’d like spend as little money on you as possible and then screw you six ways from Sunday, after which I’ll deny knowing under oath”.
Whether or not this is related to the corruption of the word “date” by women to mean, “One more dreary episode in my hunt for a rich husband who won’t be allowed to touch me even though I’m shagging myself stupid with abusive tattooed pool boys” is left as an exercise for the student.
Godammit, Manda JO, stop being nice! Did you even read the OP?!
(Seriously though: thanks)
Everyone else: Of course I’ve mentioned the chocolate! D’you think I’m an idiot? Amazing how many woman are “diabetic” these days…
But seriously…hey, Miller, the same thing happened to me over the New Year’s holiday. Not only did the woman in question use the “big brother” metaphor, she even took it further to depict any relationship we might have as “incestous.” At least I didn’t totally wreck our friendship, I think.
Aw dammit, I didn’t want to take away from your thread. So here’s some advice I always follow. Eat some of that Swiss chocolate, drink some beer, watch some bad TV, and start tomorrow afresh.
Yeah. Miller, I think you already know how much I like you (but not that way. As a brother! ). All I can tell you is, sometimes it takes a while to find the right girl. But it only takes once, ya know? I’ll just echo what Manda JO said. Keep taking care of yourself and don’t get depressed, because that’s the worst thing. Keep your chin up and keep on truckin’ (like Jesus said).
Of Christ Miller I thought you were gay! Lots of sexy, single SDMB ladies are always emailing me asking if you (among others) are available because well * I am* the pimp daddy love connection for the SDMB. Why just last week [edited by moderator] was asking about you because “you sounded nice”, but I had to dissuade her.
Ahhh! That explains it. Once when Deb was in the midst of a discussion about the romantic natures of various spouses, lovers, and boyfriends, she was asked what attracted her to me.
Well, it might simply be a function of age.
Apparently, while I am outstanding husband material (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, scrubbing the bathroom, etc.), I’m a lousy date. I went through my twenties being dumped by every single woman I dated. About the time I turned 30 (and most of the women I was seeing socially hit their late twenties and early thirties) I suddenly found myself actually being pursued by a few acquaintances. (Not Deb, of course, I had to wrest her away from another guy.)
). All I can tell you is, sometimes it takes a while to find the right girl. But it only takes once, ya know? I’ll just echo what Manda JO said. Keep taking care of yourself and don’t get depressed, because that’s the worst thing. Keep your chin up and keep on truckin’ (like Jesus said).