Oh, my, where should I began? I met a nice and cute gal at a bar downtown about a month ago (let’s call her Sally). My good friend was back in town from California, and him and I chatted up some girls who were drinking margaritas. After a few margaritas, the four of us headed to a couple other bars, and ended up at my house. We had a few more drinks, and one of the girls went to my bedroom, while him and the other went into the spare. It was a good time, to say the least, and when her and I finished, she went into the other room to start flirting with the other couple. Although her and I fooled around more that night, she couldn’t convince the other girl to play with all of us.
About two weeks later, I called Sally up. We met for dinner and some drinks downtown, and didn’t really feel like staying out (it was a weeknight). My car was (is) in the shop, so she drove us over to my buddies hose, and we started drinking from his kegerator. Several glasses of wine and a few games of Kings later, it was time to head home. Unbeknown to me, she had other plans. She announced she wasn’t going to have me drive her car back to my place, as we had discussed earlier (effectively limiting me to one drink an hour). Turns out she decided she liked my friend better, and was going to stay with him instead. The funny part about that is that it wasn’t the first time that’s happened. Last time it was his roommate, but both times he offered to let me take his Jeep home. This time I just walked home, slightly dazed, and very bewildered.
Now, I have no claim to this girl, she was not my girlfriend, and the subject of monogamy never even came up. She apologized via phone the next day, which I completely accepted because, although it stung, it’s really none of my business who this girl decides to sleep with. I tried calling and texting her more than a few times in the past couple weeks, and she answered less than a quarter of them. I’m not one that enjoys being ignored or blown off, so I deleted her number from my phone yesterday (now there’s some irony for ya).
I tried to get to bed relatively early last night, but was awoken by a phone call at about one in the morning. I was in such a deep sleep, I didn’t even realize I was on the phone until I had been talking for a while. I checked to see who it was, but since the number had been deleted, I didn’t recognize it. She said she was about three minutes from my house, and was on her way over.
I woke up pretty grumpy, let her and her friend in, and made them a couple rum and cokes (let’s call her friend Lisa). I wasn’t really in the mood to socialize, and they were being drunk and obnoxious, so I put in Blades of Glory.
This is where the story gets interesting. I sat next to Sally and put my hand on her leg. She took my hand off, gave me a disgusted look, put her hand on Lisa’s leg, and started making out with her. Well, I’m not one to turn down an honest to goodness lesbian show, and I must admit it was quite a good one. Next thing I know, they’ve both got their shirts off and are giving each other back massages. Pure awesomeness. Except any advances I made towards Sally were quickly shunned.
When the movie was over, they got dressed, and went outside to smoke a cigarette (eww!). It was about 3:30 at this point, and I figured that would be a good time to hop in the shower so I could sleep a bit later in the morning. When I got out, I tried unsuccessfully to get them to sleep in my bed with me, even going so far as promising to be a gentleman. Since that didn’t work, we pulled the futon in my room open, and they were to share that while I slept on my bed.
I lent them big t-shirts and we all got settled in for the night. Or so I thought! About three minutes later, I started hearing them kissing. I turned over, figuring it couldn’t hurt to enjoy the show. Before I knew it, Sally was going down on Lisa! I couldn’t believe it, it was the last thing I expected to happen to me when I got home yesterday. I knew that even though Sally didn’t really want anything to do with me, I would hate myself for the rest of my life if I didn’t do something.
I lifted the covers and climbed in next to Lisa, and started caressing her body. Her and I started making out, while Sally was still doing her thing. I tried to get them to get into a different position after a bit, but the options were limited since Sally wouldn’t let me touch her. I took a break to look for the Pocket Rocket I have (and clean after every use) in my dresser, and gave it to Sally. Things were really getting intense as I was fooling around with Lisa, and Sally moved over and started pleasuring herself. Long story short, I ended up using and filling up four condoms last night, and it would have been five had I not pleasured myself in the shower so I wouldn’t have an itchy trigger finger, so to speak.
It just so happens that Lisa is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had intimate relations with. I can just count the number of women I’ve been with using my fingers and toes, so this is no small feat. I ended up getting about an hour of sleep last night, but, boy, do I feel energized! I got Lisa’s number this morning before I left. I didn’t reenter Sally’s.
Here’s to hoping I don’t call her Lisa when I call her next week!
Just kidding, epic as a descriptor works for me!