SAA group meeting
Dec 14 2007
attendance: 40 people
those attendening via internet conference room: 340
Those sitting in far back of room and drinking from flasks: 34
Robert: Hello, everyone. I see many new faces under those long locks of hair, hats, and hands. Please, friends, dont be bashful. We’re all here because we’re all socially awkward. Look, I just accidentally dropped a cue card on the floor. I’m alway doing things like that! Dropping stuff…because I’m awkward. Now, I’d like to hear some success stories. Surely, you’ve all made an attempt to interact with others socially with zero awkwardness. Did anyone succeed in this endeavour? Yes, you, the one with shaky hands and a really red face.
Shaky: H-Hello. i’m Andy and-
barely audible group response: Hello, Andy
Andy: Hello, I’m andy and- Oh God, I already said that! God, Im so stupid! So stupid!
Robert: Andy! Stop that self-deprecation! What do we say about self-deprecation:
Andy: Self-deprecation is only allowed if you’ve truly given up on life, or if you’re a famous comedian.
Robert: Right. Now continue.
Andy: Well, last night I finally mustered up the courage to ask a woman out for dinner. I did what any normal person does when they’re going to ask someone out. I poured myself a tall glass of scotch and parked my butt in front of the computer. I surfed over to Eharmony.com and spent 4 hours carefully filling out this huge questionnaire that was all about me and what I wanted in a mate. And 4 hours after that, I received a message from Sexy_thing_33! The girl was beautiful! Her one photo was kinda blurry, but I could tell she was wearing a bikini at a beach! I’d really like to date someone who goes to the beach. i am really pale, and people often say I’m white as a ghost. Fucking assholes…Am I really that pale? Am I? Do they not realize I’m meant to be in fuckin’ Ireland?!
Robert: Calm down, Andy! Don’t get angry!
Andy: Sorry, sorry. Anyway, I agreed to meet Cassidy outside Martly pub at 1am on Tuesday and-
Robert: What? 1AM on Tuesday? Andy, this doesn’t sound good.
Andy: I just figured she was either an alcoholic or worked nights. Well, anyway, I arrived a little late because I accidentally fell asleep after eating this big turkey dinner my mom made. Cassidy was pretty angry. Then she asked where I parked, and we walked towards my car. Well, we got in, and for the first 3 minutes we sat in complete silence. My stomach started to growl, so I got really embarrassed and pretended i was making the noise with my mouth. Cassidy finally asked ‘Okay, BJ or more?’ I just stared, stunned. Well, I thought this was a date! You know?
Robert: Andy, what website did you find this woman on?!
Andy: The casual encounters section on craigslist! Perhaps I took ‘casual encounters’ too literally. I just pictured a casual drink, you know? A low-key encounter! Well, I got very nervous and asked her to wait outside of the car while I counted how much money I had. But then I tried to speed away, except my car was in park, so i just burned rubber. It was so…awkward. Finally, I managed to get away. Well that was my date story…
Robert: Oh, my…Well, good effort, Andy! Keep it up, and I’m certain soon you’ll have the type of casual encounter you’re looking for. Goodnight everyone, and good luck!..And whoever puked under that table, please, don’t be shy, and just clean it up.
