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  #1  
Old 07-31-2009, 01:16 AM
dgrdfd dgrdfd is offline
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Erections while cuddling/spooning

Guys: Do you ever get erections while cuddling or spooning?
Women: How do you feel if your partner gets an erection while cuddling or spooning?

Please state your gender and age. And consider the situation where this is a new relationship and not your long-term partner.

Thanks team.

Last edited by dgrdfd; 07-31-2009 at 01:17 AM..
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  #2  
Old 07-31-2009, 05:46 AM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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Do you mean cuddling/spooning the wife or the dog?
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  #3  
Old 07-31-2009, 05:55 AM
Siege Siege is offline
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I'm a straight female, and even if it happened in a fairly new relationship, I'd take it as a compliment. Erections aren't something guys have conscious control over; as far as I know, it's a natural reaction to something they find attractive and/or arousing. I would hope a fellow I knew and liked well enough to cuddle or spoon with found me attractive. and I see an erection as evidence of it. It's a lot better than finding out he considers you unattractive!
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  #4  
Old 07-31-2009, 07:27 AM
Green Bean Green Bean is offline
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New or old relationship, it doesn't matter. Erections when cuddling and spooning are normal and to be expected.

Honestly, I should have noticed that my ex-husband rarely got them at times like that. I suppose that wouldn't have been meaningful in and of itself but it was certainly part of a larger pattern.

Female, 38

Last edited by Green Bean; 07-31-2009 at 07:28 AM.. Reason: Forgot how old I was and whether I was a girl or boy.
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  #5  
Old 07-31-2009, 07:57 AM
corkboard corkboard is offline
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I usually get one, but neither me nor my wife ever give it a second thought. Unless, of course, she does, then we make the most of it.

But in my dating days, I would usually just tell the lass "just so you know, there's nothing I can do about that. Please take it as a compliment" and she'd usually giggle.
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  #6  
Old 07-31-2009, 08:26 AM
EmAnJ EmAnJ is offline
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It happens to him all the time, and when it does, we most often take care of it unless we're both super tired. Once in a while I'll get a flash of irritation because I feel like we have sex all the time, but it doesn't bug me for more then a millisecond.
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  #7  
Old 07-31-2009, 08:31 AM
enomaj enomaj is offline
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May I add slow dancing to the OP?
Give it to me baby or bacdafucup?
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  #8  
Old 07-31-2009, 09:35 AM
Oredigger77 Oredigger77 is online now
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Yep, it happens and normally it is a good excuses to move past cuddling.

Male, 26
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  #9  
Old 07-31-2009, 09:41 AM
kayaker kayaker is online now
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Divorced Male 51 yrs old. I am in a longterm relationship. Cuddling/spooning is often part of slow/gradual foreplay. Unless one/both of us fall asleep.
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  #10  
Old 07-31-2009, 09:49 AM
dgrdfd dgrdfd is offline
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Wooh, I am relieved to see this. I thought I was some kind of deviant or pervert or something. I suppose I still might be, but not because of this in and of itself. I would get them and begin doing the "think of mom, think of mom...crap still not working...think of grandma, think of puppies...." trick and I couldn't get it to go down. No one ever said anything negative about them, but I still felt somewhat ashamed or embarrassed because of it.

BTW, I am 25 year old male.
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  #11  
Old 07-31-2009, 10:01 AM
Mrs. Cake Mrs. Cake is offline
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Married 18 years - he's 48, I'm 46, still happens more often than not, thank heavens. Always good for an "oh dear, let me help you with that", unless extremely tired.
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  #12  
Old 07-31-2009, 10:02 AM
Khadaji Khadaji is offline
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Hell, I get one from just a long hug. (OK, maybe not that bad, but ...)
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  #13  
Old 07-31-2009, 10:05 AM
kayaker kayaker is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khadaji View Post
Hell, I get one from just a long hug.
You must hate goin to weddings.
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  #14  
Old 07-31-2009, 10:09 AM
Idlewild Idlewild is offline
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I have to go with what everyone said. Plus as a woman who came of age with very little physical/sexual self-esteem, I like erections. They're incontrovertible proof that at least the guy's body digs my body.
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  #15  
Old 07-31-2009, 10:12 AM
I Am The Lorax I Am The Lorax is offline
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My husband asked me recently if it bothers me when that happens. "Of course not!" says I, "It makes me feel great, cuz if I were a table or a kitten or something that wouldn't happen. It makes me feel like a (hot) woman."
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  #16  
Old 07-31-2009, 10:13 AM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is online now
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Yeah, unless it's wildly inappropriate (old man at the library, your cousin/brother/uncle/dad, your boss, etc) I don't usually get offended by an erection.
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  #17  
Old 07-31-2009, 11:27 AM
Cat Fight Cat Fight is offline
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Originally Posted by corkboard View Post
But in my dating days, I would usually just tell the lass "just so you know, there's nothing I can do about that. Please take it as a compliment" and she'd usually giggle.
There is something tremendously silly about erections when you're not in the mood (and sometimes when you are). As long as you both agree on what or what not to do with it, can't see it being a problem.
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  #18  
Old 07-31-2009, 11:58 AM
Lemur866 Lemur866 is offline
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Originally Posted by Cat Fight View Post
There is something tremendously silly about erections when you're not in the mood (and sometimes when you are). As long as you both agree on what or what not to do with it, can't see it being a problem.
Silly? Spoken like someone who's never had one.
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  #19  
Old 07-31-2009, 12:05 PM
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is offline
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Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
Yeah, unless it's wildly inappropriate (old man at the library, your cousin/brother/uncle/dad, your boss, etc) I don't usually get offended by an erection.
You cuddle old men at the library? And your cousins, brother, uncle and dad? Hopefully not at the library too.
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  #20  
Old 07-31-2009, 12:12 PM
appleciders appleciders is offline
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Originally Posted by Lemur866 View Post
Silly? Spoken like someone who's never had one.
Really? Just about everything related to sex that I can think of really is pretty absurd when viewed from without. Of course, I like absurd things.

Typically no, which is good because I do cuddle or spoon with people I'm not involved with or sexually interested in. (I have had very understanding girlfriends in the past who didn't mind.) When it's with someone I am sexually involved with, it's more common but still uncommon. But when it does happen, it's no big deal.
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  #21  
Old 07-31-2009, 12:35 PM
Machine Elf Machine Elf is online now
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Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
Yeah, unless it's wildly inappropriate (old man at the library, your cousin/brother/uncle/dad, your boss, etc) I don't usually get offended by an erection.
You regularly give these guys protracted full-body-contact hugs?

In any event, why would the simple fact that some guy is experiencing an erection be cause for offense?

Behaviors are just cause for offense; physiology is not.
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  #22  
Old 07-31-2009, 01:06 PM
Troy McClure SF Troy McClure SF is offline
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Lying down comfortably and holding byour entire body against the entire body of someone you (presumably) find attractive? There are people who don't get erections in such a situation?
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  #23  
Old 07-31-2009, 01:13 PM
Telcontar Telcontar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Fight View Post
There is something tremendously silly about erections when you're not in the mood (and sometimes when you are). As long as you both agree on what or what not to do with it, can't see it being a problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemur866 View Post
Silly? Spoken like someone who's never had one.
Erections are incredibly silly (I'm male). As is sex. Thankfully when i'm having sex i'm so busy having sex that I don't notice the silly. This is why i find porn videos more amusing than arousing. :-P

Quote:
Originally Posted by Troy McClure SF View Post
Lying down comfortably and holding byour entire body against the entire body of someone you (presumably) find attractive? There are people who don't get erections in such a situation?
As for me, it depends. Whether i get an erection is much more a function of what's going on inside my head than outside my body. just holding the person in a spoon position? In the right frame of mind i certainly wouldn't get one. the other frame of mind tends to be more fun though.
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  #24  
Old 07-31-2009, 01:42 PM
control-z control-z is online now
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If I'm spooning before sex, yes, it's erection city.

After sex I might last 30 or 40 minutes without one, depending on the conversation and my level of energy and arousal.
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  #25  
Old 07-31-2009, 03:17 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is online now
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Wait, what? Did I phrase my post wrong?

I'm saying that I don't usually get offended by erections - unless it's wildly inappropriate. As in, if a random old man comes up to me in a library and is sporting a boner, or a male family member has one because of me. Not that any of this has ever happened to me. But I assume that if it did I'd be appalled.

If I'm dancing with a male friend at a wedding and he gets one, no prob. If I notice a date gets one and we're not even touching, no prob. If I'm snuggling in bed with a SO I'd be kind of shocked if it DIDN'T happen.

Not sure if I just didn't make that clear or if I am just being wooshed.
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  #26  
Old 07-31-2009, 03:34 PM
Shakes Shakes is online now
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For some reason the OP reminded me of an experience I had as a kid.

I was spending the night at a friend's house. During the night I had come down with a bad cough. It was bad enough that I woke up my friend's mother.

She comes into the living room where we were sleeping. She sits me up on the couch and spoon feeds me some medicine. She then proceeds to lay down with me on the couch and cuddle me. (She's not a creep just a motherly type person)

Well, the way she positioned herself; her (big) tits were right there in my face.

I got wood! And the whole time I'm laying there I was torn. Part of me was thinking: "Wow! how freaking awesome is this?!" while the other part of me was thinking "Shit! I hope she doesn't feel my chubby I got going on down there."

But yeah, back in my 20's I could get a chubby from a strong breeze. It didn't take much.
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  #27  
Old 07-31-2009, 03:42 PM
BrotherCadfael BrotherCadfael is offline
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Originally Posted by appleciders View Post
Really? Just about everything related to sex that I can think of really is pretty absurd when viewed from without.
"The pleasure is fleeting, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable."

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  #28  
Old 07-31-2009, 03:57 PM
Manduck Manduck is offline
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Originally Posted by I Am The Lorax View Post
My husband asked me recently if it bothers me when that happens. "Of course not!" says I, "It makes me feel great, cuz if I were a table or a kitten or something that wouldn't happen. It makes me feel like a (hot) woman."
He probably was smart enough not to mention that it works with tables and kittens too.
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  #29  
Old 07-31-2009, 04:00 PM
StaudtCJ StaudtCJ is offline
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I thought that an erection was a normal thing if something was rubbing or brushing against that area, as often happens with cuddling or spooning? I mean, if her rear end is up against his groin, it's not exactly like both of them are still as statues, is it? Perhaps I'm mistaken.
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  #30  
Old 07-31-2009, 04:34 PM
Geek Mecha Geek Mecha is offline
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Female, 31.

I know the reaction is mostly beyond a guy's control, but it says such positive things about you and his feelings for you that I couldn't imagine not being pleased to see/feel it.

I've just started seeing someone. Before he started coming over to my place, we'd find a quiet corner and stand together for as long as an hour, holding each other, talking, tickling each other, whatever. The first few times, I wondered why he stood so awkwardly, like his feet were glued three feet away and he had to lean forward to cuddle. Then I realized it was because he was trying to not stab my hip with his boner. No wonder he always left complaining about his aching back.

Once we both acknowledged it and laughed about it, I began to shamelessly brush up against him at the slightest excuse:

"Oh my god, a bug!" *hug*
"Stop tickling me!" *grinds hips*
"Look, a plastic bag!" *rub*
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  #31  
Old 07-31-2009, 05:23 PM
elfkin477 elfkin477 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Troy McClure SF View Post
Lying down comfortably and holding byour entire body against the entire body of someone you (presumably) find attractive? There are people who don't get erections in such a situation?
Lots of people don't. Due to not having penises and all

Maybe it's due to my reserved northeastern upbringing, but I can't imagine cuddling with someone whose erection would strike me as inappropriate while cuddling. That's way too much physical contact for someone I wouldn't want to turn on, you know?
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  #32  
Old 07-31-2009, 08:21 PM
dgrdfd dgrdfd is offline
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Wow, color me surprised. I started to post this topic the other day, but then thought I would be ridiculed with "yeah, when I was 13" types of posts. I had no idea it was so common and even desirable and flattering. Yeah, me!
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  #33  
Old 07-31-2009, 08:56 PM
Green Bean Green Bean is offline
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Well, then I have a question for you--why did you think having an erection in that situation might be seen as unseemly?
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  #34  
Old 07-31-2009, 09:29 PM
dgrdfd dgrdfd is offline
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Originally Posted by Green Bean View Post
Well, then I have a question for you--why did you think having an erection in that situation might be seen as unseemly?
Because it seemed sort of presumptuous on my part that it was in some way needed. (not that I really have any control over it anyway, but I didn't know if all women knew that) Just because someone is cuddling with you doesn't necessarily mean they want to have sex with you.


IDK, I'm sort of a prude I guess and always afraid of offending someone.

Last edited by dgrdfd; 07-31-2009 at 09:31 PM..
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  #35  
Old 07-31-2009, 09:45 PM
SSG Schwartz SSG Schwartz is offline
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Originally Posted by Green Bean View Post
Well, then I have a question for you--why did you think having an erection in that situation might be seen as unseemly?
Because if we have an erection, it must mean we are thinking about sex. And if you can feel the erection, it must mean that we are trying to rub it against you. Or so I thought, that is what women think.

Thank Og, for the SDMB, I have learned that it is ok to sneak a peek at a woman's breasts, that women are flattered to find that guys think of them when they masturbate, and that it is ok to have an erection when you are spooning with a woman. I love the ignorance that is being fought here.

SSG Schwartz
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  #36  
Old 07-31-2009, 09:46 PM
Green Bean Green Bean is offline
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Okay, that was funny the way you said that. I just imagined your penis saying "Hi, I'm right here in case you need me!" and you saying "Shush! Stop being presumptuous!"

Thanks for explaining.
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  #37  
Old 07-31-2009, 11:26 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Yes, we both do.

Male, 63.
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  #38  
Old 07-31-2009, 11:31 PM
Sleeps With Butterflies Sleeps With Butterflies is offline
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I'm not a penis owner/operator, but I suspect erections can and do happen at anytime. It isn't all that unusual for one to pop up (bad pun!) when people are patients in the emergency department. The guys often seem embarrassed but we honestly tell them "It happens all the time"
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  #39  
Old 08-01-2009, 01:50 AM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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Happens frequently with me, but sometimes I don't want my wife to feel under any obligation to have sex or to even think that I might want to have sex, in that case a roll onto my tummy slightly so that I'm not pressed right into her.

P.S. the dog doesn't seem overly bothered by it.

Last edited by Richard Pearse; 08-01-2009 at 01:50 AM..
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  #40  
Old 08-01-2009, 09:57 AM
Mojo Pin Mojo Pin is offline
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Yep they happen anywhere and everywhere. All it needs is some kind of pressure to the groinal region, and sometimes not even that.
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  #41  
Old 08-01-2009, 02:30 PM
Blackberry Blackberry is offline
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I'm 27/F.

I usually like it. Most of the time they're already hard by the time I get there, so I get a kick out of feeling or seeing it happen. It's the same reason I sometimes get grabby when they're sleeping.

Maybe this is just me...
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  #42  
Old 08-01-2009, 06:25 PM
Mom-of-Andrew Mom-of-Andrew is offline
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Originally Posted by Idlewild View Post
I like erections. They're incontrovertible proof that at least the guy's body digs my body.
Ditto. To a lot of us, it's a huge compliment. Even if nothing else happens.

Female, 38
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  #43  
Old 08-01-2009, 11:45 PM
Flipshod Flipshod is offline
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It sounds to me like some of you who are taking it at as a compliment, may be reading too much into it. It may or may not be a compliment, and it may or may not mean he wants to have sex. I could be with a woman I found unattractive and secretly hated and didn't want to have sex with, but if we're in bed spooning in our undies I'm liable to get an erection. YMMV

Last edited by Flipshod; 08-01-2009 at 11:48 PM..
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  #44  
Old 08-02-2009, 12:03 AM
SSG Schwartz SSG Schwartz is offline
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Originally Posted by Flipshod View Post
It sounds to me like some of you who are taking it at as a compliment, may be reading too much into it. It may or may not be a compliment, and it may or may not mean he wants to have sex. I could be with a woman I found unattractive and secretly hated and didn't want to have sex with, but if we're in bed spooning in our undies I'm liable to get an erection. YMMV
Well, yeah, I'm in bed in my undies with my boss all the time, too.

SSG Schwartz
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  #45  
Old 08-03-2009, 08:22 AM
kayaker kayaker is online now
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I discussed this thread with my gf during a particularly appropriate moment this weekend. She pointed out that it seems so normal that spooning so often leads to forking.
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  #46  
Old 08-03-2009, 10:16 AM
CutterJohn CutterJohn is offline
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Originally Posted by 1920s Style "Death Ray" View Post
P.S. the dog doesn't seem overly bothered by it.
I am so happy I'm not the only one.


And thank you, dope.. For years I have been awkwardly contorting myself to prevent excessive amounts of contact.. No longer!

P.S. Guys.. Isn't it the worst when you're sporting some completely random wood, and your mom chooses that moment to decide she wants to hug you?
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  #47  
Old 08-03-2009, 02:29 PM
Uncommon Sense Uncommon Sense is offline
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Originally Posted by Troy McClure SF View Post
Lying down comfortably and holding byour entire body against the entire body of someone you (presumably) find attractive? There are people who don't get erections in such a situation?

Yeah, right?

I used to sleep with my current SO before we were sexually active and I'm sure I've buried a few woodies into her back while I was sleeping (with clothes on) with her. We'd spoon and sleep dressed and I'd have my arm wrapped around her body while we slept.
I'll ask her tonight if she ever noticed.
Fast forward to now....I almost always get one when we're just simply close together. Or when I simply think about us being close together. We have sex "too much" (in her words, although she doesn't use the term "too much" I can tell by the look on her face that that's what she means, lol) the way it is so my brain relates being close to her to "OMG!!...Orgasm near!! and fun stuff about to happen!!"
So that's my story...
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  #48  
Old 08-03-2009, 03:22 PM
Cat Fight Cat Fight is offline
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Originally Posted by CutterJohn View Post
And thank you, dope.. For years I have been awkwardly contorting myself to prevent excessive amounts of contact.. No longer!
Well, you know, there are probably some instances where even biology would be a lame excuse. 'My grandma just died. Can you hold me? She was so sweet, I remember when she... What's that pressing into my thigh?' That sort of thing.
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  #49  
Old 08-03-2009, 03:47 PM
Tristan Tristan is offline
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My wife is the outlier here, I suppose.

When we cuddle (rarely), if I get arroused I have to make sure she doesn't know, or she gets pissed off.

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  #50  
Old 08-05-2009, 03:27 AM
Toxylon Toxylon is offline
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Even now that I'm in my 30's and way less erectuous than I was ten years ago I still get a hard-on in five seconds flat from simply massaging my wife's shoulders.
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