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  #1  
Old 02-03-2010, 10:53 PM
purple haze purple haze is offline
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Heroin

I'm usually more of a lurker than a poster. I'll contribute every now and again when another poster that I care about is in pain, is celebrating something, is feeling down... I don't know how much it helps, but I try. Alternatively, I post when I'm in pain or frustrated about things that I'm not comfortable talking about IRL. How much can I even tell family and co-workers, and in the case of my co-workers, they don't really care. They smile or nod or arrange their faces into the correct expressions, but who really needs to hear about my problems when they have enough of their own?

Anyhow.

Our daughter is back on heroin. I've been told how hard core that is, and how difficult it is to stop once you start. I know all of this, but she kicked it for a while. Typical mom, I thought that things were fine now, but nothing is further from the truth. We contacted a local treatment center and are waiting to hear from them. In the meantime, she last used a couple of days ago, and will start to withdraw badly soon. I hope that we can get help soon enough.

I guess that's it. I don't have anyone to talk to right now. Right now I need to be strong but am crumbling inside. I just need to keep it together, for her and my husband and our son.

Do you know what? She OD'ed last June. If it wouldn't have been for her friends taking her to the hospital and the treatment she had in the nick of time, she would be dead.
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  #2  
Old 02-03-2010, 10:57 PM
StGermain StGermain is offline
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I have no experience with this, but I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.

StG
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  #3  
Old 02-03-2010, 10:59 PM
statsman1982 statsman1982 is offline
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I don't have much of anything informative to say, but I did want to pop in and mention that I read your post and wish you and your daughter the best. Addiction is terrible, but thankfully there are resources out there.

One thing I can say is that I understand the feeling of not having anyone to talk to. I used to feel that way all the time, until I began going to therapy sessions offered by my school's psychology department. It costs me 8.50/week, but for me it's money well spent. I get to talk to someone who is trained in counseling and who is completely objective (very important to me). I would encourage you to see if you can get into something similar, because it has helped me greatly.

Best wishes to you.
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  #4  
Old 02-04-2010, 12:08 AM
Hello Again Hello Again is offline
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I am so sorry you are going through this AND feeling so alone about it.

Have you looked into a support group, like Nar-Anon, which is for family members of addicts. Call 1-800-477-6291 (or http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Groups.html ) to find a group near you.

If you lack a Nar-Anon meeting in your area, you can also try Al-Anon which is more oriented to Alcoholism. Call 1-888-425-2666 (1-888-4AL-ANON)(or http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html ) to find a group near you.
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  #5  
Old 02-04-2010, 12:29 AM
MPB in Salt Lake MPB in Salt Lake is offline
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Purple Haze, is she back living with you?

If so, you have considerable leverage to get her ass into treatment. (though that only will be helpful in the long term if she wants to stay clean)

Best of thoughts from here in Salt Lake---Matthew,

PS----Make sure to give your son plenty of love (as I know it would be natural to focus all your energy on your daughter) so he dosent feel marginalized during this crisis, which he is surely feeling along with the rest of the family.

Matthew
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  #6  
Old 02-04-2010, 01:52 AM
Chicken Fingers Chicken Fingers is offline
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I hope you can get her involved with a treatment center, get her to do the 12-step support group thing, and get her on a med that makes heroin not work for her if she has a weak moment and uses. I wish I could remember the name of it, but it worked miracles for a close relative, who'd tried and failed to kick the habit for years. It was something that was placed under the skin, and had to be replenished every few months.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck.
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  #7  
Old 02-04-2010, 02:18 AM
Lakai Lakai is offline
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If you don't mind telling us, what are you doing to help your daughter?

Your situation isn't hopeless. Heroin addiction seems hopless but it isn't. I've known people who've kicked the habit. It's hard, but very possible.

What's near impossible is to kick the habit on your own.
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  #8  
Old 02-04-2010, 06:57 AM
Broomstick Broomstick is offline
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I've known addicts - in fact, I used to work at a treatment clinic - and staying clean for awhile and then relapsing is an all too common pattern. It's heartbreaking in many ways, but she become clean and sober again, it's not hopeless.

This will be a problem she struggles with for the rest of her life, though. She may detox this time and stay that way, or she may be clean for a number of years and relapse again. An addict never entirely kicks the habit, temptation always exists even after years and years of being sober.

I wish all of you the best of luck.
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  #9  
Old 02-04-2010, 08:27 AM
Khadaji Khadaji is offline
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I have no experience to share, but stopped by to offer you supporting thoughts.
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  #10  
Old 02-04-2010, 08:31 AM
purple haze purple haze is offline
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She has been living at home since mid summer, and things had been going well for a while (or so I thought). All of the bullshit that we went through in the past was replaced by a more or less normal living arrangement. She went to school for a while (until she dropped out). Was employed until early this week (when the whole not showing up for work thing made her employer grumpy).

My husband and I had been suspecting for a while that something is up, especially over the past few weeks. My daughter approached me last night, crying, and said that we needed to talk. I went into her room and she told me that she started up again and needs help. We contacted a local detox facility and are waiting for a phone call. In the meantime, my husband and I talked, then all four of us had a family meeting. We figured out the insurance part of this and he will talk to his human resources department today about what is covered.

For now she is on 'house arrest', but that doesn't mean a whole lot because my husband and I both work. At any rate it will keep her home at night, and absolutely no one is coming over for now. We don't know who the bad guys or good guys are right now. She is being cooperative and needs help. So far no hostility.

Thanks for the advice, especially the narc anon information. I will call them today, asap. Also, thank you for pointing out that our son will need more attention. I hadn't thought about that but it is so true. He knows the complete truth, and is 15 now. He is upset but trying to conceal it. They were very close once upon a time.

I didn't know that there was a med to give to users that would make them sick if they do drugs. Right now I am scared to death to go to work and leave her alone. I'll be coming home for lunch. I had nightmares last night about what she told me had happened last June when she OD'ed. Losing my first born... I don't even like to think about that, but now I have to. More nightmares about her not doing well and having to ask her to leave.

She needs treatment, and we need to figure out a way to get her out of this general area so she doesn't relapse. Too many people around and she says she will get sucked right back in, even after treatment. I can't say that I disagree with her.
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  #11  
Old 02-04-2010, 08:46 AM
lorene lorene is offline
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Oh, shit. I'm so sorry to read this. I recall reading your previous threads and it is just heartbreaking. I had a boyfriend who was a heroin addict (allegedly clean when I met him, then kept relapsing). I know that I understand maybe .000001 % of how you feel, it being your daughter and all, but I still know how much it sucks and how evil a drug it is.

How long was the program she was in before? A friend of mine has been clean for several years but says that the only thing that worked was a year-long resindential program. (And, yes, she acknowledges that by "it worked" she means "it works for as long as I keep doing what I need to do to stay clean").

I'm encouraged that she apporached you and asked for help. I will be looking for updates and keeping you in my thoughts. PM me if you wish.

Last edited by lorene; 02-04-2010 at 08:46 AM..
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  #12  
Old 02-04-2010, 08:46 AM
Drain Bead Drain Bead is offline
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Has she ever tried methadone?
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  #13  
Old 02-04-2010, 09:04 AM
heavyarms553 heavyarms553 is offline
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Sadly, methadone isn't a wonder drug for kicking a heroic habit. In fact, it can be addictive in and of its own right. (Albeit much less so than heroic, by several orders of magnitude.) It is, however, a lovely drug for saving someone's life when they have overdosed and are circling the drain. Methadone is a competitive, incomplete agonist of the same receptors as heroin. Basically that means you don't completely eliminate the effects of the heroin, but you can reduce them drastically to the maximum efficacy of methadone.

Heroin is one nasty addiction to break. My sympathies and support go out to you. Just remember, repeated cycles of abstinence and relapse are normal for the recovery process. The important thing is that the overall rate of heroin use drops over time.
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  #14  
Old 02-04-2010, 09:21 AM
Broomstick Broomstick is offline
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Originally Posted by heavyarms553 View Post
Sadly, methadone isn't a wonder drug for kicking a heroic habit. In fact, it can be addictive in and of its own right. (Albeit much less so than heroic, by several orders of magnitude.)
What???!

There is no "can be addictive" with methadone, it IS additive. It is an opiate. I causes physical tolerance. In sufficient amount it causes euphoria. No, it's not less addictive than heroin, much less by "several orders of magnitude". Where did you get that information?

Quote:
It is, however, a lovely drug for saving someone's life when they have overdosed and are circling the drain. Methadone is a competitive, incomplete agonist of the same receptors as heroin. Basically that means you don't completely eliminate the effects of the heroin, but you can reduce them drastically to the maximum efficacy of methadone.
I'm sorry - this is just wrong, wrong, wrong. You don't give methadone to someone overdosed, much less "circling the drain". Maybe you're thinking about naltrexone? Good lord - I'm sorry, I just can't let that stand, that paragraph is so full of misinformation. Where did you get this?

I will say that methadone is a tool that helps some people but from from all, and by itself it won't cure addiction. It has to be combined with other therapy and behavioral changes. It's not a magic bullet in any way shape or form, it does have side effects, and while it's an option it shouldn't be seen as the automatic default.
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  #15  
Old 02-04-2010, 09:57 AM
lorene lorene is offline
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To settle the issue, here is the National Library of Medicine link to Methadone.

My friend who has been clean for a while used it and was weaned off of it. She feels that, while it can be problematic in and of itself if not monitored and combined with other treatment, it did enable her to manage quitting a 15-year heroin addiction. The other person I know (the ex-boyfriend) tried to game the methadone ayatem and sell it, so yeah, monitoring and treatment needs to be there.
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  #16  
Old 02-04-2010, 01:38 PM
freckafree freckafree is offline
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purple haze, I have nothing to offer in the way of advice, just lots of supportive thoughts. Surely it's a very positive sign that your daughter asked for help this time. Best wishes to your whole family as you deal with this. We're here for you whenever you need to talk.
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  #17  
Old 02-04-2010, 06:23 PM
Lakai Lakai is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purple haze View Post
Thanks for the advice, especially the narc anon information. I will call them today, asap.

[snip]

She needs treatment, and we need to figure out a way to get her out of this general area so she doesn't relapse. Too many people around and she says she will get sucked right back in, even after treatment. I can't say that I disagree with her.
I would be careful with NA and wouldn't rely on them completely. One of my friends did get clean with their help, but I think it worked for him because he's very religious. For another guy I knew NA did not work because he thought it was BS.

There might be some issues that your daughter needs to work out, that she's using drugs to deal with. Therapy might help with that. If you force her to get clean, she might relapse again because she doesn't know how to deal with her problems without drugs. I've never been to NA so I wouldn't know, but I think that therapy would do a better job teaching her how to handle her problems without heroin.

As for moving, it can't hurt to get away from bad influences, but the real problem is usually within the person. Especially when they keep relapsing over and over again.

To me it looks like you're doing the best you can. You sound like a great mom, and your daughter is lucky to have you.
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  #18  
Old 02-04-2010, 06:53 PM
Drain Bead Drain Bead is offline
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Obviously a methadone program needs to be done in conjunction with frequent counseling (my clients in the methadone program do 1 group, 1 individual, and 2 NA sessions per week), but it can be very useful to someone who can't quit cold turkey. Heroin is one of the toughest drug habits to kick, and the methadone program is one way to conquer a serious narcotic addiction. It's definitely something to look into.
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  #19  
Old 02-04-2010, 07:40 PM
gardentraveler gardentraveler is offline
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I'm so sorry to hear about this situation, purple haze. I wish there was something I could do to help. Good thoughts headed out to your whole family.

GT
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  #20  
Old 02-04-2010, 07:49 PM
Qadgop the Mercotan Qadgop the Mercotan is offline
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Methadone maintenance or suboxone maintenance can both be viable opiate addiction treatments, including for heroin, which is really just another very potent opiate. I prefer to see those opiates used as a bridge to eventual complete opiate abstinence, but if that doesn't happen, at least there's harm reduction, as both drugs have fewer negative consequences than continued heroin use.

I consider use of a mutual-help group to be essential to recovering from opiate dependency.

QtM, opiate-free since 1990.
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  #21  
Old 02-05-2010, 08:50 AM
Aries28 Aries28 is offline
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I'm sorry you and your family are having to go through this.

If you are of the religious persuasion, see if there is a local church in your area that offers a Celebrate Recovery program. Non denominational...identifies Christ as the Higher Power but still uses all the well known 12 steps from traditional programs.

I do not reccomend CR as the ONLY treatment plan but it is a good resource in conjunction with a more mainstraim 12 step program/detox facility.

I've been working with CR for a while now and work with some recovering addicts that have made tremendous progress.

Good luck to you and your family.
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  #22  
Old 02-05-2010, 06:11 PM
Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor is offline
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Luck to her.
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  #23  
Old 02-05-2010, 11:24 PM
purple haze purple haze is offline
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Today was certainly interesting... high spped car chase, screaming, and skeevy friend.

She asked me earlier today if she could go out and hang out for a while. Oh, hell no. We had lunch and she got the mail. She then casually mentioned she was going to get a book from my car. After about 30 seconds I looked outside... gone. Just them my husband came home from work. We hopped into our cars and cruised the neighborhood. She was in a car with this skeevy girl that I was dumb enough to let sleep over a few times. Anyhow, there we were... three cars in a row. My husband was behind me and I was behind s.g. We lost my husband when they shot through a yellow light. I stuck with them until they finally pulled over.

I opened the passenger door, and grabbed my daughter's purse and the bag that she had packed. Words were exchanged. I threw the bag into my back seat and more words were exchanged with the s.g. I told her to never come near our home again and to stay away from my daughter.

When we got home my husband was still gone, looking for us. Luckily he came home within a few minutes, then much hollering ensued. We gave her a choice; if she chooses to leave before we take her to rehab, she will no longer be welcome in this house. I'll also call our relatives and tell them so she can't take advantage of their lack of knowledge. She is choosing to stay.

More soon...
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  #24  
Old 02-05-2010, 11:35 PM
purple haze purple haze is offline
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I came home from lunch at work Thursday to check on things, and skeevy friend came over while I was making something to eat. I'm such a naive idiot. My daughter told me that her friend was having computer trouble, and she was going to loan out our monitor so her friend could trouble-shoot. I stood there and watched her walk out the door with an expensive electronic item.

Sold. Pawn shop.

Our son is missing his favorite video game.

Luckily, when I chased after the girls and got them to pull over, I didn't know her friend had a part in pawning our stuff, or I really think I would have had a hard time staying calm.

This is going downhill a lot faster than I expected and I am so upset right now. My husband and I take turns comforting each other, so that's good. He has been telling me that this isn't our daughter right now and that we will get her some help as soon as possible. Tuesday can't come soon enough.

I can't believe that my daughter handed off our monitor to be pawned while I was standing right there. Cool as you please. My husband is right; this isn't our daughter. I want her back.

She owes someone $400. Are we supposed to expect someone to come over and try to collect now? Is her brother in danger? Are we?

Last edited by purple haze; 02-05-2010 at 11:37 PM..
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  #25  
Old 02-05-2010, 11:57 PM
Rasa Rasa is offline
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This is heartbreaking to read, and I'm sorry I can't say anything nice and comforting, but you need to know that every word coming out of the heroin addict in your house is a lie. Every word. Once you get your daughter back, then maybe you can take some small things at face value, but the heroin addict only knows how to use, and will do anything, to anyone, to make using possible. Letting her in your home, alone, unsupervised is a very very bad idea. Leaving her alone with her younger brother is also a very very bad idea. The people she owes money to know where she is, and won't care where they get the money from--your house, your stuff, your car?

It's so "easy" for me to say as it's not my daughter and not my family but God, I've seen this before and even though you're an internet stranger, I do not want to see this again. I cannot imagine how wrenching it must be to think that you have to treat your daughter like a criminal, but your husband is right--she's not your daughter right now, she is a heroin addict.

Please take care of yourself and each other in this. I wish you strength and peace. I hope she is able to get help but if she doesn't, do not let the heroin addict destroy everyone else's lives too.

Strength to you and yours.
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  #26  
Old 02-06-2010, 04:38 AM
purple haze purple haze is offline
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Things I have discovered tonight:

My wedding ring - pawned
My husband's wedding ring - pawned
The gold coins mom and dad gave me in 1985 - pawned
Our son's coins from grandpa - pawned
My GPS unit - pawned
Another video game - pawned

My husband went out yesterday and filled a prescription for her to 'help her sleep'. When she went to 'get the mail' she hid them so someone could pick them up. She owed them money or was looking to earn some, not sure which.

Probably more she can't remember. It has not been a good evening. When I found out about my wedding set I started screaming and couldn't stop. My throat hurts.

Rehab can't take her until Tuesday at noon, and I can't even stand to be in the house with her right now. I sure as hell can't sleep.

We don't have the money to get our things from the pawn shop, and I can't stop crying.

She's really not welcome here anymore. Where is she supposed to go after rehab? If she stays here, stuff will disappear. What am I supposed to do, quit my job and watch to make sure we don't lose what little valuables we have? If we make her leave, we know what will happen; downhill fast.

I understand that we can't enable her. It's swell and all to understand that, but when you live it and it is your child and you know where they will go and what they will do when you finally give up and throw them out, it is the most horrible pain.

I'm glad I have an outlet here. I can say things that I can't tell people.
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  #27  
Old 02-06-2010, 05:30 AM
Broomstick Broomstick is offline
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You simply can NOT leave her alone. Not for a minute. Certainly not even for her to go get the mail.

The only way I can think of for you to get your stuff back from the pawners, since you don't have the money on hand, is to file a theft report with the police (she did, after all, steal the stuff, right?) and perhaps use that as an argument to have the goods returned. That might, however, involve having your daughter arrested which, no doubt, would be extremely upsetting and may screw up getting her into rehab.

This is a very ugly situations.

Once again - you can NOT leave her alone. Not for a minute. Not as long as she is in your home.

Right now, worry about surviving until she gets into rehab. Once she's in rehab THEN worry about what comes next.

Last edited by Broomstick; 02-06-2010 at 05:32 AM..
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  #28  
Old 02-06-2010, 07:30 AM
lorene lorene is offline
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Originally Posted by Broomstick View Post
You simply can NOT leave her alone. Not for a minute. Certainly not even for her to go get the mail.

The only way I can think of for you to get your stuff back from the pawners, since you don't have the money on hand, is to file a theft report with the police (she did, after all, steal the stuff, right?) and perhaps use that as an argument to have the goods returned. That might, however, involve having your daughter arrested which, no doubt, would be extremely upsetting and may screw up getting her into rehab.

This is a very ugly situations.

Once again - you can NOT leave her alone. Not for a minute. Not as long as she is in your home.

Right now, worry about surviving until she gets into rehab. Once she's in rehab THEN worry about what comes next.
I agree with just about all of this. The only thing I would add is to possibly reframe it as you can't leave your personal belongings unsecured with her, rather than leaving her alone. She's an adult, but also a danger to the safety of your possessions and just putting that spin on it changes it from "babysitting" her, which will result in more sneakiness, to safeguarding your items. I'd even venture to say that you just let it happen if she wants to sell her prescriptions or anything belonging to her---not your problem. Keep your energy and sanity for the fight ahead by choosing where these resources go.

As for filing a police report to get your things back...it is an option. I know that some people have entered rehab that way, but it would be worth investigating whether that would muck it up or not.

Your daughter needs help, yes, but you and your husband and your son need her gone, now, so that you can start to put the pieces together.
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  #29  
Old 02-06-2010, 10:24 AM
Hello Again Hello Again is offline
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Originally Posted by purple haze View Post
She's really not welcome here anymore. Where is she supposed to go after rehab? If she stays here, stuff will disappear. What am I supposed to do, quit my job and watch to make sure we don't lose what little valuables we have? If we make her leave, we know what will happen; downhill fast.
You can think about this after she is out of the house. Optimistically, after a 28-day program she may have sincerely made a change. More realistically, most likely she will qualify for a medicaid-funded halfway house. If your daughter is of legal age and not your legal dependent she can qualify regardless of your income.

Halfway houses come in many shapes and sizes. I do not know where you live but in NYC Greenwich House has excellent programs. Perhaps they can recommend a facility nearer to you that offers similar support (individual and group therapy, 12-step programs, vocational assistance, educational assistance, etc -- not just a place where a bunch of ex-users live) Their number is
212-691-2900

Also, once you connect up with a peer network (nar-Anon, etc) I am certain other people there will have opinions and advice on this issue.
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  #30  
Old 02-06-2010, 12:09 PM
Broomstick Broomstick is offline
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Purple Haze, I found some limited information on retrieving stolen items from pawn shops. It's not terribly optimistic, I'm afraid. However, it does have suggestions for what information should go on a police report, and marking items so that if it ever happens again your chances of retrieving items is enhanced (and, let's face it, if your daughter relapses again she could steal from you again so you might want to take precautions)

Recovering Stolen Goods From a Pawn Shop
More, from a former pawn shop employee

Laws do vary from state to state regarding pawn shops and return of stolen goods, so you will probably want to look up the relevant ones for where you live on line. I know it seems like a long shot, but you may want to try.

You might also wish to invest in an in-home safe. I realize money is probably an issue, and I'm sorry, but do consider it. You don't' want a "portable safe", which is really just a fire or waterproof box to guard against fire or flood, you want something that embeds in a wall or floor that can't be easily stolen. Unfortunately, your daughter may have also put you at greater risk of theft. I'm sorry if that is the case, but the more you do to protect yourself the more in control you'll feel in a situation that feels out of control.

By the way, let me be more explicit about safes - I worked at a treatment clinic for addicts for four years. We had a 300 lb safe stolen from the nurses station in the middle of an afternoon with literally hundreds of people between that station and the front door. I still don't know how it was done - this was not something you could conceal under a coat or tuck under your arm. As it happens, that was the decoy safe, the REAL safe was embedded in the concrete floor under a rug that was under the clinic director's desk. Getting in an out of it require two people to move the desk but it was pretty damn secure. I realize that may sound extreme, but on any given day we had hundreds of clients just like your daughter - some of them would steal the garbage cans to go through the trash looking for anything a value. I had my pockets picked twice while at work. I have some empathy for what you're dealing with here.

So... yeah, you might want to install a secure and hidden safe, then purchase a decoy safe (a small one - you're not a clinic that stores medications, so yours can be much smaller and cheaper) so next time if someone steals something all you lose in an empty box.

Last edited by Broomstick; 02-06-2010 at 12:12 PM..
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  #31  
Old 02-06-2010, 12:30 PM
Taters Taters is offline
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I don't have any advice to offer, but just wanted to send my best thoughts to you and your family.

I can't even imagine the pain, anger and fear you're dealing with right now.
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  #32  
Old 02-06-2010, 12:38 PM
Morgyn Morgyn is offline
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A safety deposit box might work better than a safe, and it's considerably cheaper. Less convenient, but cheaper.

purple haze, I wish I had more than sympathy to offer.
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  #33  
Old 02-06-2010, 12:39 PM
Perciful Perciful is offline
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Purple Haze,

I'm sorry for your situation and for your daughter. Is she of legal age? If she is you need to change the locks and get a restraining order. If she violates it she will go to jail for a month to dry out. They have programs in the jails for addicts and she might get into one of them?

See if there are any Alanon meetings in your area. You need someone that understands. I have a friend going through this and she gets a lot of support in Alanon.
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  #34  
Old 02-06-2010, 01:06 PM
MPB in Salt Lake MPB in Salt Lake is offline
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Originally Posted by purple haze View Post
If we make her leave, we know what will happen; downhill fast.
I am sorry but this young woman needs to be out of your house instantly---Stealing from her little brother, selling her parents wedding rings?

Downhill fast???

Last edited by MPB in Salt Lake; 02-06-2010 at 01:08 PM..
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  #35  
Old 02-06-2010, 01:59 PM
Ferret Herder Ferret Herder is offline
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I highly recommend legal action - not only do you have to protect yourselves, but especially your son. It may feel like it's breaking your heart, but what will your son feel like if you do nothing major?

Don't apologize to her for what you do. She is the one who's lying to you, stealing from you.
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  #36  
Old 02-06-2010, 03:52 PM
miamouse miamouse is offline
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I'm so sorry this is happening to you purple haze, but trust me when I say there is more (much more) that has gone missing from your home, you just don't know it yet, and she probably doesn't even remember what it was or when it went 'missing'. This is one of those times where I hate being able to speak from experience.

Aside from all the other good advice you've gotten here, I suggest you:

Change your pin numbers for anything she might have had access to.

Check yours, your husband's and your son's credit report (and bills), in case she's taken anything out in your names. (thankfully that one happened to an acquaintance, not me)

Go into her room and remove anything of value. (and her stash if you can find it.)

Head to the pawn shops in the area, explain the situation and have them photocopy her license so that she can no longer frequent them. It's a longshot, but they might be sympathetic and work something out with you. Keep a record and make her pay you back, no matter how long it takes.

You cannot let her back in the house after treatment, it will be harder on her, (and you) but you've already given her a second chance and she wasted it.
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  #37  
Old 02-06-2010, 03:57 PM
Ferret Herder Ferret Herder is offline
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Originally Posted by miamouse View Post
Check yours, your husband's and your son's credit report (and bills), in case she's taken anything out in your names. (thankfully that one happened to an acquaintance, not me)
Another idea: look for missing packs of blank checks, and look through the numbers on the blank checks that you have to see if she's pulled out one here, one there, to make it less obvious.
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  #38  
Old 02-06-2010, 04:58 PM
MPB in Salt Lake MPB in Salt Lake is offline
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If it were me, and I was going to let her stay in the house until entering treatment (which I think is an awful, awful idea) I think I would actually give her some cash to get her dope, as the things she will steal and then sell are worth 10X as much money as what she will end up getting for them.

Junkies would gladly take 20 bucks RIGHT FUCKING NOW for a coin that is actually worth $300 at a local collectors shop.............
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  #39  
Old 02-06-2010, 06:15 PM
lorene lorene is offline
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Originally Posted by miamouse View Post

Go into her room and remove anything of value. (and her stash if you can find it.)
This is the one item I disagree with. As MPB in Salt Lake pointed out, she wants anything she can trade for drugs now. Taking her stash will just make her angry and desperate.

Other things, now that you've reminded me of things that were stolen from me---CDs, DVDs, other jewelry, silverware, crystal, cell phones. I'm honestly not sure how this particular market works---I can't imagine that my ex got much heroin in exchange for my old CDs, but again, I don't think they're looking at market value so much as immediate cash.
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  #40  
Old 02-06-2010, 06:50 PM
Broomstick Broomstick is offline
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Originally Posted by MPB in Salt Lake View Post
I am sorry but this young woman needs to be out of your house instantly---Stealing from her little brother, selling her parents wedding rings?

Downhill fast???
You must not know any addicts, or at least not very well. Theft and pawning are very typical, regardless of favorite poison be it heroin, alcohol, meth, or even a heavy enough pot habit. It's found in gambling addicts, too, who also need large sums to support their habit.

Of course, if you do anything to restrain her stealing again she'll try to blame you, yank you around emotionally, try to make it YOUR fault. It is not your fault! SHE is the one behaving badly, unreasonably, unethically, and illegally. Of course, that makes it horribly painful for you, as she is your daughter and you love her, but this is a situation where some hurt now is better than more hurt later. She might call you every nasty word in the book, but you have to stand firm.

Last edited by Broomstick; 02-06-2010 at 06:52 PM..
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  #41  
Old 02-06-2010, 07:09 PM
MPB in Salt Lake MPB in Salt Lake is offline
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Originally Posted by Broomstick View Post
You must not know any addicts, or at least not very well. Theft and pawning are very typical, regardless of favorite poison be it heroin, alcohol, meth, or even a heavy enough pot habit. It's found in gambling addicts, too, who also need large sums to support their habit.

Of course, if you do anything to restrain her stealing again she'll try to blame you, yank you around emotionally, try to make it YOUR fault. It is not your fault! SHE is the one behaving badly, unreasonably, unethically, and illegally. Of course, that makes it horribly painful for you, as she is your daughter and you love her, but this is a situation where some hurt now is better than more hurt later. She might call you every nasty word in the book, but you have to stand firm.
I was trying to say that with her stealing her parents weeding rings, obviously there is not much further downhill left to go, short of violent crimes.
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  #42  
Old 02-06-2010, 07:45 PM
Rigamarole Rigamarole is offline
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Originally Posted by MPB in Salt Lake View Post
I was trying to say that with her stealing her parents weeding rings, obviously there is not much further downhill left to go, short of violent crimes.
Well there's always homelessness, prostitution, and death.

Purple haze I'm sorry about your situation, I'm really not sure what to tell you. I have a brother who is similarly spiraling into addiction (and I only know what I hear from my parents since he is still living with them and I haven't in years), it's bad but not quite as bad - yet. Hard to say if he'll ever be able to turn it around.

Maybe it's in the thread or another thread and I missed it, but how old is she? Does she have any sort of job prospects or some kind of interest you can help her cultivate? Is she in school?
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  #43  
Old 02-06-2010, 08:12 PM
MPB in Salt Lake MPB in Salt Lake is offline
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Originally Posted by Rigamarole View Post
Well there's always homelessness, prostitution, and death.

Purple haze I'm sorry about your situation, I'm really not sure what to tell you. I have a brother who is similarly spiraling into addiction (and I only know what I hear from my parents since he is still living with them and I haven't in years), it's bad but not quite as bad - yet. Hard to say if he'll ever be able to turn it around.

Maybe it's in the thread or another thread and I missed it, but how old is she? Does she have any sort of job prospects or some kind of interest you can help her cultivate? Is she in school?
I have thought about this quite a bit today (before reading your post, as hooking for a fix seems like it may well be the next step in this situation) and am still undecided---Is someone who prostitutes herself for a fix really WORSE than someone who would steal her parents wedding rings and sell them for a fix?

In some ways, it seems to me the junkie prostitute is running a more honest jamm than the thief is............

Last edited by MPB in Salt Lake; 02-06-2010 at 08:16 PM..
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  #44  
Old 02-06-2010, 08:21 PM
Qadgop the Mercotan Qadgop the Mercotan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MPB in Salt Lake View Post
In some ways, it seems to me the junkie prostitute is running a more honest jamm than the thief is............
You can bet the junkie prostitute will rip off the John should the opportunity present itself.

Which filth is more filthy? That's a matter of taste, no?

Unless treated properly, addiction of this type leads inevitably to jails, institutions, or death. Even with proper treatment, there's an unfortunately high morbidity rate.

But people can and do get well from such low bottoms.
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  #45  
Old 02-06-2010, 08:29 PM
Maggie the Ocelot Maggie the Ocelot is offline
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Originally Posted by MPB in Salt Lake View Post
I have thought about this quite a bit today (before reading your post, as hooking for a fix seems like it may well be the next step in this situation) and am still undecided---Is someone who prostitutes herself for a fix really WORSE than someone who would steal her parents wedding rings and sell them for a fix?

In some ways, it seems to me the junkie prostitute is running a more honest jamm than the thief is............
A worse person? Debatable.

In more danger? Definitely. A junkie prostitute is in severe risk of being beaten, robbed, raped, killed, etc. Not to mention doubling her possible venues for HIV transmission (high enough risk from just shooting up; but add multiple sex partners multiple times a day to that, and the odds against her staying HIV- become a lot worse).

If she were my daughter, I'd rather have her steal the most precious thing I own than risk her life that way.

purple haze, my heart goes out to you. This is a horrible, horrible position for any parent to be in.

Last edited by Maggie the Ocelot; 02-06-2010 at 08:32 PM..
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  #46  
Old 02-06-2010, 08:33 PM
MPB in Salt Lake MPB in Salt Lake is offline
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Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan View Post
You can bet the junkie prostitute will rip off the John should the opportunity present itself.

Which filth is more filthy? That's a matter of taste, no?

Unless treated properly, addiction of this type leads inevitably to jails, institutions, or death. Even with proper treatment, there's an unfortunately high morbidity rate.

But people can and do get well from such low bottoms.
I certainly dont want anyone to misundestand me---This is a heartbreaking, tragic situation for Purple Haze and her family.

But by stealing for drugs, there is an innocent victim (the people who are stolen from) where by trading sex for drugs (or money to buy drugs) both parties involved are willing participants.

This is a terrible thing to contemplate, so I will end my participation in this discussion by wishing Purple Haze my best thoughts and prayers, for her entire family...........

Last edited by MPB in Salt Lake; 02-06-2010 at 08:35 PM..
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  #47  
Old 02-06-2010, 09:02 PM
Ferret Herder Ferret Herder is offline
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Originally Posted by Oni no Maggie View Post
If she were my daughter, I'd rather have her steal the most precious thing I own than risk her life that way.
Considering the "friends" this girl has, it might be the life of another family member. Alternately, she might lose the trust of her son.

I'm sorry, purple haze. I hope you can find your way to a decision that will bring more peace to your family.
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  #48  
Old 02-06-2010, 09:47 PM
Dolores Reborn Dolores Reborn is offline
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No advice to offer, just some {{{Purple Haze}}}. I hope better days are on the way.
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  #49  
Old 02-06-2010, 11:08 PM
purple haze purple haze is offline
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We found the receipts from the pawn shop, and they were both in the name of the other girl. My husband called her house and talked to her father. He is a nice guy and this is their only child. We met at the pawn shop. He showed up alone, while all four of us were there. We recovered our wedding rings, a necklace, and one of our son's coins. The other dad recovered a couple of rings. Problem is, there were some things sold that my husband and I and the other dad didn't recognize. He said he will find out where they came from. He needs to talk to his wife about what they will do with their daughter. I got the feeling that she isn't welcome there anymore.

Since everything was sold under her name, the other girl's dad paid to get it all out of hock and I'm wearing my wedding band now. She is also the one who sold our son's video games and the electronics. We did not press charges against her and her father agreed to pay for the hocked items. As our daughter no doubt took some of the money, but we agreed not to press charges, we have decided to continue to work together to get our things back. He said he is missing quite a few electronic items and seemed especially upset about his camera. He is still deciding if he wants to call the police and let them take care of his daughter. We are still deciding if we want to do the same for the electronics. We called the place and left a message, so hopefully they will call back soon.

Our daughter is very tearful, very upset, and remorseful, which is an improvement over yesterday. We are watching her like hawks. My husband took her for a short walk today to get some sun; other than that, she won't see the light of day until we check her into rehab. She absolutely lost it and apologized for taking our wedding rings. That's good, but she has crossed the line now and we can't go back.

There are other things missing, and who knows what will be discovered in the coming weeks and months. We do know that she can't stay here after rehab because of what has happened over the past few days. The halfway house is a good suggestion. We are also looking at moving her temporarily to the northern part of the state. She needs to get away from the people in her life for a while, probably a long while.

I think a safe deposit box is a good idea. We need to protect our valuables now. We also need a good hiding place for the video games, etc. for the time being.

She is 20. She had a full time job until early last week. She's gone to school in the past, but hasn't been able to follow through.
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  #50  
Old 02-06-2010, 11:21 PM
NinetyWt NinetyWt is offline
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I don't know how I missed this thread before. purple haze, I don't have much to offer except that my heart goes out to you and I wish you and your family strength and courage as you go through this crisis. I beat drugs many decades ago but it wasn't heroin.
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