What sort of attention DO you find flattering from your preferred sex?

[Skald the Rhymer]

Suggested by this thread: Ladies... a guy unexpectedly gives you his name/number.... flattering? or creepy?

Unlike that thread, this question is aimed at persons of either sex. I wrote "preferred" in the subject title for reasons I should think are obvious.

No poll. Too many possible answers, and, anyway, who cares about the numbers here? You needn't specify age & gender in your answer, but if you want to I won't object.

Answering my own question...

Women sometimes tell me that I look strong or athletic. That doesn't do much for me, partly because it's obvious that I'm a big fellow and partly because it's always a precursor to "Did you play football in college?" to which the truest answer is "I don't even know the rules of football and find it incredibly boring." Likewise when people tell me I sound smart or look smart, I'm bemused; I'm not even sure what looking smart is supposed to mean. But when a woman (or an especially good-looking dude) tells me she or he likes the way I look in a given suit ... well, that''d make me blush if I hadn't had the relevant glands removed as a lad.

Male, mostly straight, early 40s, married.

But that's just me. Anybody else?

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Displays of sexual receptivity generally catch my eye in an affirmative way.

[Freudian Slit]

Well, just so long as they submit it in a timely fashion in triplicate, I'm good.

[Lynn Bodoni]

I've gone to the occasional science fiction and fantasy convention (con), and males always vastly outnumbered the females. Female congoers are therefore at a premium (see Sharyn McCrumb's Bimbos of the Death Sun), and most of the male congoers are heterosexual. Or would like to be.

I've had my share of compliments on my looks, and I've heard them all before. But the ones who got my attention were the ones who will TALK to me like I'm actually a sentient being, not just an attractive and convenient place to deposit sperm. The men who have talked to me before asking for contact info always get it. The ones who just bluntly ask for my number or email don't get it.

I have a brain and a body. A man must engage my brain before anything else. Now, he might have started the conversation because he's interested in having sex with me, but if he's polite enough to treat me as a real person then his odds of getting my number go way, way up.

Basically, I like men to treat me like they'd treat another man. I don't go in for the whole holding the door open thing, or any of that chivalry, unless it's something they'd do for another man. I mean, nowadays I DO need someone to hold a door open, because I've got my hands full and I'm kinda crippled up. But I don't want a door held, or to be helped with my cloak, or anything like that, just because I'm a woman. Treat me like a PERSON who happens to be female.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

Basically, I like men to treat me like they'd treat another man. I don't go in for the whole holding the door open thing, or any of that chivalry, unless it's something they'd do for another man. I mean, nowadays I DO need someone to hold a door open, because I've got my hands full and I'm kinda crippled up. But I don't want a door held, or to be helped with my cloak, or anything like that, just because I'm a woman. Treat me like a PERSON who happens to be female.

Do you make cultural allowances? Because here in the South you're likely to get doors held open for you by men regardless of sexual interest in you, at least from the plus-40 set.

[carlotta]

from strangers: a very discreet appreciative checking out. If you're being properly discreet I'll probably be oblivious, but thems the breaks.

from acquaintances: a marked tendency to converse with me, especially on bookish and/or humorous topics with occasional subtle admiration for my cleverness and wit.

I do like doors being held and if men still wore hats I might go in for a little hat tipping as long as there was no leering.

from my husband: all of the above plus blatant ogling, shameless manhandling, lewd remarks and so on......

female, 41, straight.

[Otara]

I cant believe how oblivious I used to be about women showing interest, so Ive got nothing.

In hindsight, talking to me long enough that my brain can realise they're attracted rather than just making polite conversation. About 3 months seems to have been the right amount.

Otara

[Really Not All That Bright]

Physical contact. Not a hand down my pants (well, not necessarily), but a hand on my shoulder or stroking my hair or something like that.

[ZipperJJ]

If a guy asked me "how was your day?" and then listened as I said how my day was and then asked a follow-up question instead of just launching into talking about himself...I would probably ask him to marry me.

[etv78]

ANY kind of attention that doesn't involve: "Hey you poor guy, pity to be in a wheelchair!" As long as she doesn't condescend to my disability, I'll take what I can get!

33 y/o single hetero male.

[Jaledin]

etv78 wins the thread!

Not too far afield, I find it most flattering when women try to converse with me about something interesting in an amicable fashion. That is, not trying to one-up me on some subject about which they may know more, not trying to interrogate me like a journalist -- having a good conversation. If she's appealing to me -- not necessarily physically -- then some good-humored flirtation. this last is flattering whether I've been thinking about screwing her or not.

[olivesmarch4th]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

I have a brain and a body. A man must engage my brain before anything else. Now, he might have started the conversation because he's interested in having sex with me, but if he's polite enough to treat me as a real person then his odds of getting my number go way, way up.

I couldn't have said it better. There is nothing sexier to me than good conversation.

[Troppus]

Any conversation in which someone from the preferred team/teams shows some interest in my lifestyle, hobbies, or job. A compliment about some random physical attribute I have isn't unwelcome, but doesn't really open any line of communication.

[Sierra Indigo]

If someone gets my 7th Dan Geek Tattoo, that's a good start Extra points then follow if they take the time to talk to me, and don't seem turned off by my various quirks. A little touching on the arm or back is very nice too, but only after we've been talking a while and if I give out the signals like hair-toying or touching my mouth.

[JRDelirious]

Originally Posted by Otara

I cant believe how oblivious I used to be about women showing interest, so Ive got nothing.

In hindsight, talking to me long enough that my brain can realise they're attracted rather than just making polite conversation. About 3 months seems to have been the right amount.

Something like that.

Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright

Not a hand down my pants (well, not necessarily)

But at least that one I'd notice!

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer

Do you make cultural allowances? Because here in the South you're likely to get doors held open for you by men regardless of sexual interest in you, at least from the plus-40 set.

Yes, I do. I live in Texas, which is sometimes classified as the American South, and sometimes as the Southwest, and around here, people just habitually hold the door open if someone is following them, and it doesn't matter what sex the people involved are. I was taught that it's rude to let the door slam in someone else's face, as were a lot of kids were when I was growing up.

[Arrendajo]

Eye contact and a sly grin.

[Autolycus]

As I am currently in an awesome relationship, all attention from the opposite sex is unwanted and will be summarily ignored! *looks over shoulder* That's the ticket, yessir.

[Mona Lisa Simpson]

Polite persistence, but also directness. Wow, I couldn't help notice you... {are nailed that icing call before the whistle, are wearing a pin from an obscure indie band, got my nerdy pun t-shirt, whatever... would you like to ....(some activity) sometime?

Guys, if you just come to talk to me about something I assume you are friendly and nice, but I don't always leap to "he must be interested" in me. I am not traditionally attractive, so I usually think people are talking to me like a friend/sister/sadly now, a "mom" Actually asking if I would like to go get a cup of coffee or something is a good swat with a clue stick.

oh and etv if I am just walking through a mall or whatever and I see you in your wheelchair and smile and say "hey that's a funny bumper sticker" or" crappy weather we are having," or "careful the pavement is very uneven up there" or "hello" is that ok? My ex husband, although not in a wheel chair had a noticable disability and he used to acknowledge every disabled person he saw, and I have picked up the habit.

[Asimovian]

I agree with the physical contact. And I say this knowing that some people (including one of my best female friends) are just naturally very touchy-feely, so it certainly doesn't necessarily mean romantic interest. But if you are touching me, you can bet I'll at least be paying attention at that point.

[Zsofia]

I don't know, any attention from strangers kind of makes me uncomfortable. I'm not very good at this. Plus, my job means that most of the time when I get hit on it's by homeless drunks old enough to be my dad, so I'm very defensive about it.

[uuaschbaer]

This idea comes fresh from the oven. I've had the pleasure of meeting and being around a guy who, while not very loquacious, was astonishingly eloquent non-verbally. I do not mean anything salacious by that. I mean that you could read his emotions and moods from his behaviour and body language without fail. He portrayed his feelings like children cannot help doing, and as a lover lowering his guard to profess his undying love for someone would have to do, risking and trusting another with a vulnerability. He was essentially exactly like a puppy: genuinely excited at some times, heart-rendingly sad at other times, always naive, and so so adorable.
For this reason any display of his wish for my personal attention (for instance his coming to sit next to me, prominently, repeatedly, wordlessly) I was absolutely required to answer.