How important in sexual enthusiasm to women?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I made a thread a while ago with the subject heading of “Are women less sexual than men?” With the exception of a few posters, the general consensus was that yes, women are less sexual than men.

This got me thinking, if women are GENERALLY not as keen on having sex as their male counterparts are, then how much importance do women GENERALLY place on sexual enthusiasm? I’ll just list off the kinds of things that I think are included in that sort of description and then you folks can tell me what you think:

A man’s willingness to frequently engage in sexual activities.
His desire to switch up sexual positions.
His level of engagement while having sex.
His ability to go for extended periods of time.
His desire to have sex in different places.
His willingness to change up sex roles. (ie let the woman be the initiator, the aggressor, et al)
His ability to have sex even if he “isn’t in the mood.”

There’s probably a lot more to it than that, & I’ll admit that it’s a broad question. Still, what do you women think? Guys can chime in too!

2

The more enthusiastic my partner is, the more likely I am to stay interested. It helps keep my own enthusiasm in a fun place. So, I would say it’s extremely important, but I’m also a very sexual woman and some things are more important than others. For instance, I don’t need a guy to go for hours but he does need to be engaged and focused on what we’re doing. If I get the impression he’s bored or would rather be doing something else, it’s an extremely fast mood killer.

3

Extremely. Uninteresting sex is a dealbreaker, and great sex can make up for a lot of flaws.

4

I say it’s extremely important. If my partner isn’t interested in sex, I’m less likely to be interested in sex. It’s a slippery slope. I like it if my partner is pursuing me when we’re not in the act. I like it if they’re into it when we’re doing it, able to continue for a while, excited about having sex, etc.

Right now, since my husband and I are trying to have a baby, it’s particularly important for him to be able to have sex when he’s “not in the mood.” I can’t help it when I’m ovulating… sometimes he just needs to get on the babymaking bandwagon and “take one for the team.”

All in all, it’s very important for my partner to be enthusiastic about sex.

5

I would say without hesitation that lack of enthusiasm is a deal-breaker for me, so it qualifies as very **very **important. When I don’t feel desired, I have no desire for sex. Enthusiasm=desire. Perfunctory sex, or sex only for the sake of orgasm, has absolutely no appeal to me whatsoever. I hate sexual routine, but I don’t want to be the ONLY one looking for new and fun ways to fuck. If it turns out that I am, the relationship will end shortly.

I’m female. Most of my relationships have ended because my male partners became less enthusiastic over time. I used to be pretty anti-virgin, but after having more experience, I’m a firm believer that enthusiasm and the desire to please makes up for skill 100% of the time. Of course it’s nice to have a partner with both enthusiasm and prowess, but I’d rather have the former than the latter if I had to choose between them.

During my last relationship, we ended up having sex on the same night every week in the same position, mostly without regard for any orgasms I might want (because his mom was always home, and I was in a shared living situation with a family and he didn’t feel comfortable having sex at my place). After only 7 months, I could see things were only going to get worse. There are only so many quickies a girl can take before staleness sets in.

6

(missed edit window due to internet issues)

I’ve never had a problem being with guys who don’t last long, as long as they’re willing to see to me before or after. I actually think of fast-orgasmers as being more enthusiastic than slower ones, because it means he was so excited he couldn’t wait any longer. I’ve heard guys say, “I can last for an hour!” as if it’s some kind of achievement. All I can think about is how chafed I’d be if I had to endure an hour of constant pumping. Plus, needing marathon sex every single time is an indicator of less sensation, which means he’s harder to get off in other ways (and actually ties in with my strong anti-circumcision views, which aren’t relevant here).

I’d much rather be with a guy who can get off in varied ways within 10 minutes than one who needs power-hours all the time.

7

You don’t say anything about his willingness to please her, especially if he climaxes first. That’s the dealbreaker. The things you list might be for mutual pleasure, or for his pleasure only. If a man isn’t interested in pleasing his partner, then why should I have sex with him? The pleasure is supposed to be mutual. If I got off during my last encounter, then I’m much more willing for there to be another encounter. If I didn’t…well, I can take care of things myself. Without him. And if I’m going to be taking care of things myself, why would I want to have sex with someone else in the first place?

8

I don’t quite know what the OP’s phrase “less sexual than men” means. I’ve got a pretty healthy sex drive, to the point where it sometimes exhausts my boyfriend’s daily capacity. But I’ll take these questions one at a time:

“A man’s willingness to frequently engage in sexual activities.”

Pretty important. If I don’t have any kind of sex for two days or more, I get a definite hankering. Current BF is happy to orally please me if his penis is too exhausted for actual intercourse.

“His desire to switch up sexual positions.”

Also very important. Missionary position every night would be incredibly boring, as would another, more exotic position if we never changed it up.

“His level of engagement while having sex.”

Definitely important. There can be times when we’re both distracted*, but if I know he’s really enjoying himself and connecting with me, it makes it that much better.

“His ability to go for extended periods of time.”

This is important to the overall satisfaction I get from sex. It depends on the timing, really. There’s a big difference in how long he can go; it depends on if he just ejaculated or if he last came 12 hours ago. I am occasionally disappointed if he finishes sooner than I’d like, but he does everything he can to make sure I’m satisfied, and I understand the limitations of self-control.

“His desire to have sex in different places.”

This is not all that important. Mostly we’ll have sex in the bedroom, but he’s up for sex in the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen. I’m always afraid of being caught if we’re not behind a locked door.

“His willingness to change up sex roles. (ie let the woman be the initiator, the aggressor, et al)”

Mildly important. I’m more often the initiator, and he’s not always willing if he’s distracted by something, but is usually up for it when I am. Beyond that, I’m pretty submissive in bed, so I’m happy to let him take the reins.

“His ability to have sex even if he “isn’t in the mood.””

Kind of important. We have had sex when he wasn’t 100% into it because I asked for it, but it’s much better when we both really want each other.

*I’ve given him a blowjob while he was playing Pokemon. The perils of having a gamer boyfriend. And I’m sorry to talk about him so much in this post, but hell, he’s my frame of reference.

9

This right here.

Not to mention that a number of very sexual women might have been less likely to participate in the previous thread or others like it because sometimes threads like that may come off as “please tell me what a wildcat you are since I don’t have an issue of Penthouse Forum at hand” or “I have plans of writing a sex book/column and don’t want to do a more organized method of polling people.” Not that I read the previous thread, that I recall; I usually skip over them because I have gotten that feeling before.

10

Bingo. I’m a guy.

11

I’m going to go with Ferret Herder and Lynn Bodoni here and just say: if my partner isn’t interested in whether I’m enjoying myself, then I rapidly become not interested in whether he is enjoying himself. Can’t be bothered to get me off? Then I can’t be bothered to get you off. Can’t be bothered to try some new thing I just asked you to try? Then I can’t be bothered to try some new thing you just asked me to try.

So enthusiasm for mutual pleasure is the dealbreaker or not. Everything in the OP’s list is not on my list of considerations. The other end of the extreme is if someone is so “enthusiastic” that he can’t take no for an answer and constantly pesters me or tries to manipulate, guilt, or otherwise bully me into having sex. No partner of mine has to beg, cajole, coerce, or convince me to have sex; doing so despite my own enthusiastic willingness to give as much pleasure as I receive is a total turn off.

I want my lover to think of me as a person with whom he is sharing pleasure, not as the stand in for whatever porn star he wanked off to last week.