I certainly wouldn’t. I feel that a person who cares so little in how they look are going to be pretty apathetic about a lot of other things. A lot of dysfunctional people like to sell themselves as “eccentric” when at the end of the day they are just slobs.
I definitely see a pattern with people who not only don’t care that they are dressed in clothes that fit, but they also don’t care that their living space is clean or not, are disorganized and prone to blaming all their problems on imaginary factors beyond their control. Their partner inevitably has low standards or spends an exhaustive amount of time trying to rationalize the behavior of their partner.
In contrast, a person who wears clothes that fit well tend to be more organized in life. They tend to be more confident and less defensive about their choices in life. There is also a good correlation they keep their living space in order and can set goals in life they can accomplish.
So for me the choice is simple. I’d rather be with someone good looking and organized than a fat person that wears tight clothes all the time. But I know that not everyone has the same standards.
I did before, it was ok for a little while; it didn’t really end well though. It mostly had to do with anger issues; it’s really draining to deal with people who are constantly angry. I dated a woman who was kind of an alcoholic once; the sex was good but everything else was bad, I dated several young ladies from UPenn over the years; they were all very neurotic, I didn’t like that either. Looking back I’m just surprised at how low the standards of single women can be at times.
LOL, I thought this was a joke thread based on the title.
‘Would you date a person who posts in a thread about dating a fat person who wears tight clothes’
Where are you getting the info that people who wear ‘clothes that fit’ have more self confidence, are more organized, are more clean and sets realistic goals? That has not been my experience. Those issues are largely independent.
Not only that but some of the people I’ve met who are obsessed with what others think of them (always making sure their home looks just right, or their clothes look just right) are really undesirable as mates. They tend to be judgmental and have a very weak sense of identity.
I’d rather date someone who was fat and didn’t care much about clothing than someone who was shallow and judgmental. But I know not everyone has the same standards.
“if you are so put off by those two qualities [being fat and wearing tight clothes all the time], you are really missing out on meeting a potentially genuine person…”
How in the hell do you make the leap from tight clothes to fighting with one’s partner?
You really don’t need to use an indicator like clothing to spot these things anyway. If a person doesn’t care about their living space, you’ll see it right away when you visit them. If a person is overly disorganized, then you’ll know it the first time he or she cooks dinner for you and forgets to add the key ingredient. If a person doesn’t accept responsibility for their actions, you’ll know it the first time you two have an argument and they don’t apologize. Most people do not have to use something as nebulous as pants size to gauge an individual’s personality.
Furthermore, you are confusing your preferences with everyone else’s. First off, some people really dig the human body and love seeing their partner’s form, no matter how unappealing it may seem to everyone else. Secondly, guess who slobs are attracted to? Other slobs! I’m a disorganized person myself. An ideal partner for me would be someone who is either disorganized as well, or is willing to overlook my disorganization because I have other qualities that make up for it.
A penchant for tight clothes wouldn’t be my red flag. My red flag would be judgmental attitude. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t go five minutes without talking shit about someone.
It’s possible, but it is definitely a red flag. It does seem to be highly associated with a certain type of person, a type I don’t particularly like. It’s like the type of guy who goes around showing his butt crack.
But I agree with JohnClay in that dismissing someone on a single datapoint is rather silly. I’ve met some pretty awesome people who at first glance seemed to not be my type.
To be honest, though, we weren’t nudists when we married. We evolved into that. It eliminates the whole pile-o-crap about whether clothes are tight or lose, cheap or expensive, or all the other things that make clothes a metric of judgement.
You think people who are fat and also wear tight clothes are dirty slobs who blame others for their problems and have no standards? That’s a pretty big leap.
I suspect you view people who have weight problems as also having moral failings.
I think it’s OK to have personal preferences in a partner for the most, part provided one’s interests don’t get so narrow to as dehumanize your partner choices, but I also think it’s a mistake to label any group as morally unworthy based on one or two physical traits or personal choices.
Jesus, Incubus, what the fuck? I’d been thinking how you seem to have grown and matured lately compared to when you joined, then you post something like this.
How is it that their standards were low, when it was you who was dating angry, neurotic, fat, alcoholics? You last sentence is a non sequitur.
I would probably not date a fat man who wore tight clothes all the time. But I can’t see myself dating a skinny man who wore tight clothes all the time either. One thing for sure, I wouldn’t date a man who assumed character traits can be predicted by the snugness of a person’s waistband. If someone is gonna be shallow and prejudiced, I would prefer that they just cop to this aspect of their personality rather than act like there is a logical reason for them being so opinionated about trivial nothingness.
In this other thread, dopers are talking about beliefs a friend might have that would compromise their friendship. Some people are reasonable and flexible, but others are strident.
If you couldn’t be friends with someone that believes that the Earth is 5,000 years old, why is it so unreasonable that someone else wouldn’t want to date a fat person in tight clothes? Not everybody is going to want to deal with this every morning, and I would argue that a person that doesn’t care enough to wear clothes that fit is going to have a lot of other issues going on in their life.
A friend of mine had an ex girlfriend that was like this. She weighed over 300lbs but blamed it on birth control. She wore clothes that looked like they were zapped by a shrink ray, causing her arms and legs to sausage out in every direction. Her apartment was a disaster, it looked like a bomb went off inside of it.
Maybe she had a great personality, right? That’s certainly what everybody initially assumed; maybe she just doesn’t care about what she looks like physically, its whats inside that counts. Unfortunately for her, she was as sharp as a bowling ball, disorganized, always suffering one crisis after another due to cascades of bad decisions she would constantly make. She was always having money problems and mooched off my friend constantly. To me, it seemed obvious why she was fat, wearing ill-fitting clothes and living in a dump of an apartment- it was because she took no pride in herself or her surroundings. Anything she was terrible at (the list was long) she would just completely dismiss. Lose weight? Only vain people care about their body shape! Get clothes that fit? How vain :rolleyes: . Organize her superfund site of an apartment? The Landlord doesn’t care, why should she? (eventually the landlord did care, which is a whole other story). Apply for a better job so she wasn’t always living paycheck to paycheck? The job market sucks! (somehow my wife managed to be gainfully employed from age 15 to present date in spite of the sucky job market) She had no desire to aspire to be anything better, which just made her that much worse in contrast. Eventually I convinced my friend to dump her, since the only reason he was really with her was because her helplessness made him feel useful. He’s married now to a much more assertive woman who is extremely goal-driven, and an absolute adrenaline junkie. And its made a huge difference for my friend.
So you would totally date a fat person with a great sense of style, well-fitting clothes, an impeccable home, a great job and a PhD?
You keep indicating that there are only fat slobs who blame their fatness on something else, and amazing thin people like you, and nothing inbetween. But then hinting at the fact that you think all fat people are lazy worthless idiots anyway.
