One thing about depression is often feeling like a burden on others. When I’ve been in my worst funks, it’s hard to ask for and accept help. I’ve felt overly apologetic when people tried to help or when I reached out, but genuinely people around me cared and when I got back out of it, I was more aware of that. My point is, post, and you don’t need to be sorry; in fact, there’s literally nothing to be sorry about.
I want to respond specifically to this, because it shows that there IS hope. One of the places I’ve struggled is feeling like a burden and feeling myself going down, but being unwilling to impose on others, so I just slowly slip closer to the edge. That you feel it can get worse but are still able to reach out is good. Keep reaching out, stay connected to the outside world.
This theme is also a recurring one for me, despite that I know that I’m surrounded by people that love me. But the thing is, no matter what they do, as I’ve become more and more disconnected, it’s harder and harder to really accept and appreciate that love. This can be particularly harsh in the time following a break up or after losing a long term friendship or whatnot.
What was it that worked for me? When I finally got to the point I couldn’t make it on my own and I asked for help, my friends and family went out of their way to help me. Some knew things were up and would call and call. Some even just showed up at my door because I wasn’t answering. Any one of these things wasn’t enough, but it was the collective total in time that I saw how these people were going above and beyond for me. And beyond what support you have in your own life, that you should see even people in a thread as simple as this with people responding with encouragement, advise, support, resources, whatever… let it in. Let in that these are REAL people putting effort into helping YOU, and that YOU matter and are WORTH that effort. In our depressive states we have a tendency to focus on our flaws, our failures, our regrets, but it’s these connections that can help us see we have redeeming qualities, many of them, that add to the world of the people around us.
Solitude doesn’t have to be loneliness. Maybe you don’t have a partner now, but it’s an opportunity to focus on YOU. And not having one special person in your life doesn’t mean you can’t still care for others. I know after I had a harsh break up, I felt completely rejected, like all of that care and passion I’d poured my heart into for her, that it was somehow meaningless. A big thing that helped me get over that was finding people who DID want that. I’m sometimes overwhelmed with a desire to care, comfort, and help others, and losing that makes me feel unloved and unlovable because I don’t have that outlet. What can you do to express your need to care for others? Volunteer work? Time with friends and family, maybe offering to help them with things they’re putting off and then allowing them to love you back in whatever way they can express it. Better yet, it doubles as a way to keep you connected to the world. It really, really did wonders for me in getting out of the worst depressive funks I’ve been in.
Echoing others, calling your counselor is not defeat any more than it is to call a doctor when you’re sick or injured. When I had the time, even when I wasn’t in bad spots, I still saw one regularly. It was maintenance and though I still had some ups and downs, as life does, he helped to keep them from going too deep or lasting too long. In fact, I know that one situation would have REALLY crushed me without him, and I didn’t have anything as bad as how I was when I started seeing him again until after I stopped. Frankly, I think almost everyone could benefit from some form of therapy regularly in much the same way that we would all benefit from eating better, exercising, getting good sleep, keeping our minds sharp, etc. Everyone can benefit from some emotional health work.
So give him a call and give him a visit.
