I’ve never needed to have that kind of discussion to connect with my wife. Religious discussions for us tend to just end with me wrecking her in debate, and I don’t like to do that. My wife is very smart but she’s just not as experienced or (frankly) as educated as I am on that subject so it’s kind of a mismatch and I don’t get any enjoyment out of “winning.”
Early on in our relationship, I was more aggressively and contentiously atheist (back around 1990 I was badchad), and I felt like I had to talk her out of her beliefs. I could easily “win” our debates but it didn’t give me any pleasure, nor did it cause her to stop believing in God and once were a couple of years into the reaionship, we just never talked about religion anymore. She prayed and went to Church. I didn’t. We left each other alone about it. That was that. Now it’s gotten to the point where I can see that she gets something out of it, so I find myself being supportive, even encouraging of her practice even though I don’t think religious faith would ever be possible again for me personally.
It only surfaced again as an issue after we had our first child and my wife wanted to baptize her in the Church. I balked at first, but I relented after she agreed that I would be able to talk to our kids about my skepticism and criticisms of religion when they were older.
Right now, our oldest daughter goes to a Catholic school (which isn’t bugging me nearly as much as I thought it would) and is getting the standard sort of Catholic indoctrination, but my wife stresses the compassionate teachings of Jesus to her and avoids a lot of moralism or dogma and teaches her that other people believe other things and that nobody knows for sure what the “truth” is. If I was married to someone who was a Biblical literalist or harped on gays (my wife is very pro-GLBT) or believed in creationism or something I don’t think I could stay in the relationship.
I’m an atheist, but this is pretty much what I came in to say. If a person is really a believer, how could they marry someone that they think is hell-bound? Unless maybe they plan to change the other person, and then of course, there are going to be problems.
I’d marry a christian, but I’d never be friends with one.
Seriously, I can’t see myself dating or marrying a christian. Maybe a very liberal one, who didn’t shove it in anyone’s face, and who would skip church if we had things that needed to get done.
Not all believers think that nonbelievers are hellbound. I once asked my wife if she ever worried that I was going to go to Hell for being a nonbeliever. She said no, she was more worried I might go to hell for being an asshole.
I haven’t dated a Christian, but (regardless that I’ll argue for atheism/against religion in a thread in GQ or GD) their religion wouldn’t bother me any.
Indoctrinating a child to any faith (or non) would bother me greatly though, so I suspect that this would be a rather large discussion point if things started looking serious.
Sounds like my parents. My Mother (a Baptist) and my Father (an Atheist) rarely discuss their beliefs. He’ll attend church with her occasionally - the big holy days, so she won’t have to sit alone. He also volunteers at her church more than many of the members do.
Just because you don’t share the same beliefs doesn’t mean you have to butt heads.
As Bill and Ted said, “Be cool to one another… and party on, dude!”
HA! I was about to say (and will now do so) that her conservative christian parents would have had the greatest problem with it, if we didn’t lie to them. They still can’t deal with the fact that their grandkids have been to Mexico more often than they’ve been in a church.
Sounds like my mom and dad. I think he would have said he was RC - lived in the same NW side parish for 70 years. But pretty casual about church attendance, never took communion, etc. My mom took it to the extent where she thought my wife and I weren’t really married, baptized our kids in the kitchen sink, etc.
I remember after my dad had his stroke he took communion in the hospital. Commented on the persuasiveness of the “no atheists in foxholes” phenomenon. But as he got better over ensuing months/years, he acknowledged that it all seemed pretty silly again.
Some of my best friends are Christians. I was raised in the Christian faith and I still find church services comforting. I think that the church can provide people with a moral foundation, a source of strength and comfort, and an important community. But I just can’t believe in God, the resurrection, Heaven, prayer, any of that stuff. Sometimes I think my life might be easier if I did. I can’t imagine marrying somone who really, truly, literally believes in Jesus Christ.
I live in the den of religion and piety. My wife is Roman Catholic and went to Catholic Schools. My son went to Catholic schools from grade school through college. Almost all our family friends are religious fanatics. When we have dinners they hold hands and chant before eating. I go to the bathroom. There are friends with a chapel in their house . They have a woman that speaks to Virgin Mary drop by and give mass. (for money). It gives me the creeps. I never confront them because I know their belief is rooted in training and inculcation.
Once when my son was small they took him with their kids to see a building 2 sta es away that the image of the virgin mary was appearing on the wall of a church. They terrified him with the stories of the Rupture when believers will be sucked out of their clothes and lifted to heaven.
Several Unitarian Universalists have hyped that church on the board. According to them, what religion any of the people in attendance believe in (or lack thereof) is fine by the church, but that they are all commited to forming a community, helping each other, finding moral strength, understanding the world, etc.
Im with you this far. But why would you allow your daughter to be indoctrinated? I don’t think I would be able to live with that. No offence meant, Im just interested in hearing your views.
When I met my husband, I was a theist of some sort and he was an atheist. I thought it was a deal-breaker. He thought it didn’t matter. He convinced me.
After we were married a couple of years, I became an atheist.
I view religious beliefs as a little childish, but I could probably marry a believer. I’d definitely stay married if my husband converted.
I’m an atheist, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship with another atheist. I was married to a Quaker and I’ve dated women of other faiths (most recently, a Jew).
What matters to me is that she is a good person. I don’t care why she is a good person.
Oh, and for the record, judgementalism, constant strident reminders of one’s beliefs, and aggressive attempts at conversion are not qualities of a good person. I would not and could not date a Christian, or an individual of any religious stripe including atheism, who displayed those qualities. It’s not the beliefs: it’s how one lives one’s life.
P.S. I would make an exception for Scientology. It’s not a religion, it’s a cult, and its adherents are either predators or fools. Unfair generalization? Maybe. I guess it’s all the thetans messing with me.
Not all of us feel compelled to tell people that’s what we think of their views. I’ve actually never dated another atheist - not by choice, it just hasn’t happened - and the religion thing has never been a problem because our “values” are similar. God isn’t important to me by definition, since I don’t think he exists, and I don’t care if someone else thinks he does. A religious conservative-type isn’t going to want to date me anyway because we’re likely to be out of sync on other issues going beyond religion. Maybe a woman who went to church every week would eventually feel it was driving a wedge between us, I don’t know.
I’m a bit confused in my religious beliefs (I was brought up as Catholic, had a brief rebellious pagan phase during my angsty teenage years, and now am not quite sure where I stand anymore). I’ve dated some pretty hardcore Christians, and decided it’s not for me. Theoretically I wouldn’t mind it as long as they kept it to themselves, but they rarely do. I feel most comfortable with people who are pretty laid back in their beliefs, whatever said beliefs may be (not people who lack conviction per se, but who don’t force what they believe on other people).
It was in response to a question about whether I’d be interested in hearing about their views on why they believe, their faith, etc.
FTR, I don’t “feel compelled” at all to tell people this. I never get involved in the religion threads here, or in real life. Mainly because, I don’t find their arguments interesting – far less interesting than anything I’ve read by Thomas Aquinas or Thomas Merton. But, I really can’t paint an argument for the existence of God in anything but a disparaging light.
Seriously, I’d be more interested in hearing why some guy who grew up in Boston might be a Yankees fan.
However, I do find the question of whether I’d date a believer interesting. That’s aa personal question. Because, when you’re married and truly in love, there’s a unity that’s hard to describe, where that person is sort of a reflection/completion of yourself. It’s not just another person walking around the earth. It’s a person you’d die for, and to differ on something as fundamental as whether they believe in god is simply not something I could abide.
It’s way beyond a political difference, or a lifestyle difference. It’s an indication that at some level, they’re willing to forgo critical thinking.
Thanks for the suggestion, Sage Rat. I know it’s kindly meant. I’ve been to UU services a few times and, to be totally honest, it’s all a little too woo-woo and wishy-washy for me. When I go to a Presbyterian service, I may not believe in the Apostles’ Creed, but I like the fact they do.
I was raised in the Christian faith and I still find church services comforting. I think that the church can provide people with a moral foundation, a source of strength and comfort, and an important community. But I just can’t believe in God, the resurrection, Heaven, prayer, any of that stuff. Sometimes I think my life might be easier if I did. I can’t imagine marrying somone who really, truly, literally believes in Jesus Christ.