Bingo. My guess is this isn’t the first time this sort of thing has happened. jujuju, you can get to a computer, you can look for resources in your area. You sound like you’re in a crappy situation but you can and will find people who will tell you it can get better.
Good point.
No, jujuju, MOST men aren’t like that. Yeah, we, as a group, have our flaws, but most of us are just boring and mildly annoying, just like women.
Get help in real life. Your PO may even have resources.
I think this would be better suited for MPSIMS. I’ll move it for you to ensure the tone of responses is appropriate.
They probably wouldn’t care a lot if this guy were hit in the face by a shovel or across the small of the back by a well-swung Louisville Slugger. Hire a couple of six foot, twenty inch four hundred pound bikers to discuss the issue with him; he will probably see reason and buy you a new phone into the bargain. He might even find religion with the right incentive.
Sorry about the title, I just didn’t know what else to say. I know not all men are bad, I have just had a bad string of them lately. It’s funny, I am still friends with most of my ex’s, even the ones that were mean to me.physically and mostly emotionally).
Thanks for the assurance of what I should have already known myself. I will try to look at my life the way I would someone elses, it’s easier that way…
With friends like those…
Restraining order. Seriously, NOW. Go to your PO, get the violation over with–if the laws in your state are like the ones here you’re looking at 90 days max–this time of year, as long as it’s nothing major, you’re looking at MAYBE a couple weekends. While you’re in jail, get a restraining order and have it served. He won’t be able to do shit about it because you’ll be completely off limits–he comes to visit, he gets jugged. Dude is displaying classic domestic violence tactics and he WILL. NOT. STOP. Nothing you do, nothing you say, no way you twist or tweak your behavior is going to fix this–except for getting a restraining order, getting the fuck away from him and getting some counselling to deal with the way you’re feeling.
Good luck from someone who’s been there, got the t-shirt AND the scars to prove it!
Are you sure we can’t have the dogs and bikers incentivize him just a little?
Bad idea. He’ll just take it out on jujuju.
Probation violation. Something he can actually prove? Or would it come down to he said, she said?
If the latter, get in front of it with your PO. Let him/her know about the blackmail threat and the whole story behind the ex. As someone mentioned earlier, blackmail is a prosecutable offence, and I’m going to bet that the ex is not unknown to the court system already.
That sounds like a real problem. You’re not on a string of bad luck with these guys, you’re picking them on purpose, consciously or subconsciously. If I may suggest, stop dating altogether until you are able to sort out why. Otherwise, this will be your pattern for the rest of your short, miserable life.
But first things first, of course.
Not if she gets the restraining order he won’t
Well, given the occasional failure of the retraining order it’d be nice to have a Plan B in place, like the dogs. And an alarm system. And maybe a Taser. And possibly something bigger than a .22, but she should learn how to handle and use it, too. Just in case.
But Plan A is still the restraining order and getting outta there.
A restraining order is just a piece of paper. People violate them all the time with little or no consequences.
True, but it’s not like this guy is going to commit murder. I’d hope he’s not that stupid atleast. So once it was filed I doubt the guy would want to even bother messing with her. It’s too easy for her to report something. Still unsure of how serious the blackmail issue is regarding the parole, so that may carry a little bit of weight.
I understand. Better to get a RO than not get one. But it’s not a magic force field, is all I’m saying.
Actually, what I’m really saying is that it’s a bad idea to have guys beat him up. That’s more likely to make him break the RO.
It is probation, not parole. And i have completed all my conditions, it is non-reporting and only for a couple of more months. Unless someone rats me out I am fine.
I just wanted to not mess up Thanksgiving for my family, that is all. Not quite sure why this got moved to MPSIMS, but since it did, I will refrain from the language I want to use.
And he is in and out so fast, a restraing order will have little effect. Last night he was gone before I could get the cops out and they said they couldn’t do anything since he was gone, I said I know where he is but they didn’t care. I called 911 again and asked to speak to a superior, and they said they would send the superior out, but they didn’t.
Actually, we men DO suck. Sometimes I see a woman, like, look at me, and damn if I just don’t reach out an give her a whack right across her face. Then I think, wow, why did I do that? I could’ve just broken her iPod or pissed in her gas tank or something – y’know, something more lasting.
Then I have a beer and watch some sports… that is, when I’m not blackmailing someone or cleaning my gun.
jujuju – I’m just funning here. Please do and try to realize you hooked up with a whack-job, and should remove him from your life immediately, by any legal means. Don’t play his games. Call his bluff on the blackmail thing. Get the RO, and keep trying to involve the cops, it doesn’t matter how disinterested they may seem, it’s their job. Also, protect yourself if you really feel threatened. Trust me, guys like that are their own worst enemy. It’s gonna suck, but you have to cut him out, one way or another.
And, as a final piece of advice… find a decent guy. For real.
Before I forget, let me recommend (yet again) The Gift of Fear. I believe a Doper recommended it a few years back, and I wouldn’t be surprised if de Becker was a Doper himself. It’s a readable, rational look at removing yourself from dangerous situations, especially domestic violence.