Advanced Relationship Advice needed. I'm a little sad....

In My Humble Opinion
1

Well guys, I don’t really know where else to turn for advice, so hopefully someone here will give me some new advice. I am having serious problems with a girl now and I need lots of help. I am really scared and I am sad about it and I’ll explain why later.

Before we start, this girl is the girl of my dreams. When we were together, I was very happy and she was too. It was the best relationship I have ever had, emotionally and sexually.

I was studying in Germany and she had a boyfriend back home in Denmark but she cheated on him with me once and then he came to visit so she had to call it off. Then she had sex with me again once about three days after he left. He sort of knew something was wrong so she went back to Denmark to tell him the truth for a week so she could get her head back on straight.
After she came back, I knew it was over then. I was a little sad, but I didn’t know why. I never really planned for her to break up with her boyfriend, but I was just hoping that we could have a nice relationship there. I was sad, though because I was starting to get the idea that she was someone special.

We saw each other around town. She was set to go back home on the 28th. We saw each other with increasing frequency and she told me that she thought I was a special person one night and that was a nice thing to hear.

So about two weeks before she had to go home we went out together (in a group) and we were really close and I started falling in love with her then. I really knew how special she was then and I really wanted to have something with her. She was rubbing my leg that night and we were holding hands. I wanted to kiss her but I didn’t.

Eventually I tried to meet up with her that week but she was trying to avoid me but she admited that she couldn’t sleep either. She later admited that she was avoiding me on purpose and that she thought she fell in love with me that night too. This was after I told her how I distinguished the difference between loving someone and being in love. I don’t know, doesn’t everyone make that distinction too?

So eventually one night she came to my house saying how it doesn’t change anything and it wasn’t likely that we would be together. So I wrote her a letter explaining how it would be and she really liked it a lot. She liked it so much that it made her question what to do. So we eventually started holding hands that night and right as the rest of the group turned the corner I pulled her hand and kissed her right in front of this crowded restuarant. After we finished kissing they applauded and I waved at them. These are the kind of things about me that she likes.We didn’t have sex that night, but the next night we did, and we spend the last week that she had in Germany together almost every single second. It was great and we really grew together during this time period. We really knew that we had something special together and when she left, we both had this feeling that there was somethign special between us. During the next week, I was trying to get her to come back to visit me, and eventually we decided that it woudl be better if I would come to Denmark, because she had a test about 11 days after she went back. She broke up with her boyfriend then too. They had been together for 5 years and lived in the same place for 2 but he had moved to another city. I came to Denmark with a friend of mine whose girlfriend also lived there. We had a great time together. I really can’t describe the feelings that we had. There were a few bad moments when she felt everything was going too fast. To alleviate the situation I just had to tell her that we only had to live in the moment and just enjoy each other the time that we had. This worked really well, and one of the last nights we were there she told me that she was in love with me too. She likes how I am interesting and entertaining and how I am different and smart. I really like her for all of her cute qualities and she is also beautiful. She also is so accepting of me that I feel no need to be careful about what I say. She thinks that I am a very special person.

Now when I came back, I wanted to get her to come and visit me in America in October. Money and time aren’t a problem, but she said that she just wanted to have some time alone to figure out what it is she wants in life. She now says that she isn’t ready for a relationship. I am though. But anyway back to the story. She and I have been in contact for the last three weeks (The amount of time that I have been away) it has been hard for both of us, because I want some kind of commitment and I realized today that the more I want it, the less comfortable she feels. Then she told me that she still thinks that I am a very special person, but she thinks that maybe I felt more than she did. I suppose that could be true, but I can tell when someone is happy and everyone else thinks that we were really happy together. We shared so many sweet special moments in this small amount of time that we were together that I know it can’t be that true. I think she feels that because she is afraid to commit, as she said, and I am. Its just my personality, though. But during the first couple of weeks she said how much she missed me, but she never said that she wouldn’t have sex with other guys. I think this whole monogamy thing tends to be a part of her rebellion to a commitment. She did say one day that she didn’t want to have sex with other guys. I guess that could have changed now though. I am pretty confident that it couldn’t be as good as it was with me, though. Not that I am so good in bed, ( I am pretty good, though) but because we just clicked sexually.

She thinks I am attractive, and she has told me that alot. But recently I started getting paranoid. Well, not paranoid, but just nervous and the more nervous I got the more I wanted a commitment and started wanting it and obviously the more I acted like that the more she acted like she didn’t want it.

One thing that we both agree on is that we would both like to be together right now and if I were in Denmark, then things would work really well. We just want to be able to see each other whenever we want to without having to make any big steps. For her coming to visit me would be a huge step, and for me it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Obviously she felt that it was too relationshipy. So eventually she emailed me saying that she didn’t want to talk on the phone so much, maybe like once a week, because it felt like she was in a relationship and it felt weird.

So I told her how it hurt me when she said that and eventually she mentioned how the last few days had driven us further apart and how she wasn’t ready for a relationship and how she didn’t like to be pushed into things. She also said that it seemed that I didn’t have any faith in what we had. We agreed that we thought it was going to work out somehow. I didn’t mean to be so pushy, but I just don’t want to loose the love of my life. I mean this girl is really great, and we go so well together that everything was perfect.

Now she says that she still misses me but she is just content for remembering what we had right now and that she wants some time to figure things out. I eventually realized that it wasn’t going to work the way I wanted it too. So I decided that it would be better to do things that way. I talked to her today and she was sick, but she still seemed to miss me and we talked about how nice it would be to be together. We got back a little of that feeling that we had, but now I am pondering what to do.

I am pretty sure I am going to try to contact her as little as possible. This pressure by me isn’t going to work. I guess I’ll call her once a week, but I want her to make the next move. She obviously has very special feelings for me, but I think I kind of screwed it up a little bit by pusing so hard. :frowning:

I realized today that the relationship is somewhat like a rebellious teenager. Nothing negative intended. Teenagers rebel most of the time for immature reasons, but she has a good reason to not want what I do. Its just hard for me to understand, because before I got her closer to me by telling her how much I wanted to be with her and telling her nice stories about how it would be. And suddenly when it seems like we could be in a relationship she gets scared and reacts negatively. At first I think I just need to do more of it but eventually I realize my attempts to make her close just have a negative effect. That’s why I am going to try to give her her time.

But its a very scary thing to do. I think about her all the time and its driving me crazy. When I think of her having sex with another guy it really drives me crazy and makes me feel really bad. We agreed earlier that we would probably avoid sex because of how it would taint what we had. I eventually told her that I thought it was stupid for me to stress how important it was for her to come visit me because the more I stressed it the more of a big step it was for her. That’s why I told her it doesn’t matter if she comes but it would be nice to see her again so we could have all of these wonderful feelings again.

so here’s where I ask for the advice.

Can someone give me some helpful words? I am really sad now and I don’t know what to do.

What do you think this alone time will do for her?

Should I do something else to show her that I find it less important that we try so hard for a relationship? I am very scared to do this because I don’t want to risk going too far that she doesn’t even care anymore.

Maybe I should tell her about this thing I just realized? About how she and I are reacting like this? Or should I not say anything? If I didn’t say anything maybe she will not act like that so much with time and she will miss me more when she hears less of me. If I tell her this I am afraid it will just be another reason for her to belive that it won’t work.
The real dilema I have is that we know it would work for us to be together right now, but for us to be together normally its going to take a big step on one of our parts. I’ll have to go to Denmark, which is what I want to do. I would love to live there temporarily, or she’ll have to come here. She said she wants to feel the same thing that I feel.

Where should I go to graduate school? I want to go to Europe for sure. I was thinking about planning on going to Denmark anyway. I want to be careful if I should tell her this or not. I don’t want her to think that it is too much for her. After her I am pretty sure I’ll always be wanting a Danish girl anyway, so if it doesn’t work out, I am pretty sure I would want to go anyway. Plus its full of beautiful women, that country. There is a perfect program for me in her city and the head of my International Studies probably has connections in Denmark, because he studied and did doctorate work in Scandinavia.

I just hope that our little period of silence will help things. I know that she has been through a lot with me and her ex and going back home. I am not sure how long it will take. I had to break a girl’s heart once, but I want to know in what capicty I should try to stay with her in order to keep myself in her mind. I am going to send her pictures with some music today with a nice sweet letter. I think that should be really good.

finally, do you think I should mention that I would like to go to Denmark to visit her sometime this semester? I will graduate in December, by the way, so I wanted to move there in January.

Any advice will be appreciated, folks, this is a hard time for me and I think it is for her too, but I really want this to work.

You know the funny thing is that I have become much less religious in recent years, but I find that when I get really desperate I really do pray. I prayed to have sex with her once (I know its wrong, but I didn’t care) and it happened, and I prayed for the second time, and that happened, and I prayed after I knew that I was in love with her to be with her more, and THAT happened. I pray a lot to be with her lately, and I guess if it turns out that I may just have to be a religious man :wink:

Hope you guys can offer some support, encouragement, or advice.

2

One of the worst things in the world is when you meet the right person at the wrong time. It sounds like this girl is not ready to be in a relationship with you at this point in her life, and there’s almost certainly nothing you can do or say to change that. Trying to force it may spoil the wonderful memories you currently have of your time together.

Personally, from what you’ve written here, I would let it go. Lest you think I’m callous or don’t know how you feel, I promise you I do. But starting a relationship out as long distance or moving to be near her, when she’s not sure she’s even ready for a committed relationship right now is a very bad idea.

Honestly, go about your life as if you’ll never see this girl again. You may end up together at some later point when you’re both ready to be together, or you may not. But she’s made it clear that right now she’s not capable of having you in her life in the way you want to be there. Trying to force it will turn a sweet, passionate romance into something sad and painful.

3

Thanks for the input, but we both agree that if I actually lived in Denmark now that we would be together. That’s one thing that we really want. She told me that she’s not interested in guys right now exept for me.

I honestly will just try to forget her somewhat, though. I am not sure to what extent, but I am not going to talk to her for a while to see what happens. We sort of want to be together sometime in the future, because of all the great times we had. She did actually say that if I was there we would be together.

That’s what honestly makes it so hard. It works so well with us, but she needs to take it slow and there’s no way for that now.

Thanks for the advice though, I just wanted to clear up the situation a little.

4

Always make note of where you found her, as that is where she’s likely to return.

Rescuing maidens is all well and good, but it might be wise to wonder how they came into the company of dragons.

5

First, congratulations on a well written and concise OP. You explained a complex situation very clearly.

For the first time ever, I find that I disagree with Giraffe. We usually see eye-to-eye on such matters, to the extent that it’s pointless for me to post following some advice by Giraffe.

Ahem: I don’t think you are being too pushy. She’s clearly confused or uncertain, but I don’t see how cutting yourself out of the picture is going to help your case. If she admits that if you were in Denmark now the two of you would be together, then it seems to me that Denmark is where you should be if you truly want this girl.

A couple’s time away from each other seldom strengthens their bond.

I’d finish my schooling here and go to grad school in her city in Denmark. Then I’d make a pain in the ass out of myself until she gave in to my irresistible charms, or she chased me away with her broom.

YMMV.

By CheapBastid: "Rescuing maidens is all well and good, but it might be wise to wonder how they came into the company of dragons."

Dude, there’s a sig line if I’ve ever seen one! If you’re not going to use it, may I? I’ll give credit to you, of course.

6

Well, at the moment, I don’t know what to do. I was hoping to get some female advice here too…
ahem females?

So what do you think I should do? Honestly I can’t talk to her every day anyway, because we really don’t have so much to talk about other than what we had. I can’t be rehashing old memories for 4 to 5 times a week anyway. But I did notice that whenver I was trying to “woo” her, anytime I ignored her for a day or too that she would be more receptive…

Do you think I should mention to her how I noticed what is going on? I am seriously debating that too, but I don’t want to do anything else to damage the good feeling. I guess I am pretty certain that if she gets in the mood to have a guy soon then I’ll be the first guy. We had some pretty amazing times together. Its sort of the thing like whenever you stop a good thing at the perfect moment it will make you think a lot about it.
Her background is like this. She has told me that she has been with a lot of guys before but not been in too many relationships because she doesn’t like to hurt guys. I don’t think she wants to hurt me, but she also doesn’t want a relationship now for a couple of other reasons.

I have had a long distance relationship before and I know how it works. You don’t think of each other on a day-to-day basis after a while. its not always such a good thing. You have to accept the fact that they aren’t there. But then every once in a while you really think of them and how it was and you miss them a lot. I imagine that will happen. We think of each other a lot now, but I think that when she hasn’t been thinking so much and then starts thinking of me again she will realize more of what we had and who I am.

But I am pretty sure I want to go to her city in Denmark. As a friend of mine said, all I have to tell her if she asks why is, “I like the cute danish asses, especially yours” Its a joke of course, but I can pull off things like that :wink:

I don’t know what to tell her about the pressure situation. So far its been pretty negative because she has now decided that she doesn’t want a relationship or commitment. I can’t really say that I blame her at this point. We have been through such a strange emotional roller coaster that its very difficult. It has been really hard on me, and I didn’t have to break up with anyone. She just told me that she doesn’t have the energy to do anymore emotionally difficult things now. I suppose I should try to let her have a break for a while.

Do you disagree with a slow-down in communications? I don’t think any more pressure will work at this point.

But thanks for the encouragement. I think it helps alot. All I really have to worry about is some other guy when I go to Denmark. I am not so sure I am going to tell her that I am coming. I’ll have to tell her eventually, but I am sure she’ll think its because of her, and thus making her feel less ready to commit. Who knows? I just wish she wasn’t like this now. Maybe less is more for a while. I have been talking to her a lot lately with a lot of pressure, so its been difficult. When we talk on the phone its not as good as it was before. But she was sick today… I don’t know anymore.

What my problem is that I want security, and she is afraid of that for now. I just have to find a way to have security so I can have some sanity because I really don’t want to loose her :frowning:

7

Soooo…she cheated on her long-term boyfriend with you, and didn’t break up with him first? Did they have an open relationship, or was she just plain cheating? 'Cause that right there is a big red flag to me. At least she broke up with him eventually, but big bad sign right there IMO (and not a good sign that you were so happy to move in on her before she called things off with him, either. Bad way to start a solid relationship IMO).

Second, as a former committment-phobe, I’ll tell you that having a guy move to another country for me when I was feeling nervous about the whole thing would have made me run screaming for the hills. If he just happened to move, it would be one thing, but following me on purpose? Eeeeeek! Her daydreaming about it is nice and warm and fuzzy, but I’ll bet that reality will turn out to be a wee bit different. (In my own life, I ‘ran screaming for the hills’ when my bf in the US wrote me too-intense letters while I was living in DK. He missed me too much. I broke up with him.)

And one more thing–a girl ‘who doesn’t like to hurt guys’ does–just in a long, slow, and drawn-out way, because she doesn’t like to come right out and say what needs to be said.

8

I need to breathe deeply whenever a guy tells me “oh, I love you SO much, I just have no idea how could I live without you”. You lived without me for thirty years, you better be able to do it now, because I’m not planning on spending every waking moment watching you. But the reason that has become a standard line is that lots of women find it romantic - I don’t know this girl of yours enough to tell which is the case.

She may have thought this was a casual thing and found herself liking you much more than she thought. May. She may also be an idiot who reads too many romantic novels and/or thinks with her pants. May, or may not. You’ll need to find out, and I hope you find out which is the case soon and that things go well for you in any case.

What I would do? Keep writing/emailing, maybe meet in a chatroom or mud or similar (I don’t like the phone much, plus it’s the most expensive form of communication, internationally); keep it as “friendship” inasmuch as possible (you’re half the world away and as someone pointed out she isn’t “miss whitepants”; you don’t need to be either); look at the possibilities for either of you moving (graduate school, immigration, maybe your school has an exchange program); and when you have the information mention it to her softly and asking for her opinion. “You know, I found out my school has this exchange with such and such… do you think it would be cool if I could come?” If she wants you there, if this isn’t just a romantic picture that is very pretty so long as it’s an “idea”, she’ll grab the possibility. If she starts saying “ooooh I don’t knooooow…”, she does know and just doesn’t have the guts to say it. And if she doesn’t want you to “need” her and you come in too strong, she’ll run for the hills.

My own big red flag is having nothing to talk about. My friends want to hear what has happened to me, and I what has happened to them, and we talk about books and movies, and sports and whatnot. I don’t like sports, but I know which teams are my friends fans of; my sis-in-law’s taste in movies and mine are exact opposites, so we can recomend movies to each other (“hey Judy, I heard ‘this one’ is terribly romantic, a coworker says she ran thru a whole pack of Kleenex, have you seen it?” “ML, I saw an ad for a movie with lots of big robots and things going zoom, I thought you’d probably like it”). What has she done since you last talked? If all she says is “oh, nothing, the usual”… forget it.

9

The whole frustrating thing for me is that I know it would work if we were together, but now it requires a big step for us to be together in the future. What am I supposed to do, just hope that we cross paths again?

Now I haven’t dropped the L bomb yet, but I may have gone a little over the top once in a letter. But I think its going okay in that dept.

Yeah she cheated on her boyfriend, because she thought she could do it but in the end she couldn’t handle it. I guess she learned. She cheated on him the last week, yes, but she didn’t want to break up over the phone.

Yeah she probably is slow to tell guys what she wants, or maybe she was. She broke up with him because she realized that he was missing something that she needed. I had it. This is what’s so frustrating, because she basically broke up with him because of me.
What I am sure of is that I have to stop being in her life so much, because the memories of the post-move aren’t nearly as good as they were when I was there, and I don’t want to crowd them out. I’ll have to write her a letter soon. I am thinking about putting in a bunch of nice things in it. But in a good way. I’ll probably write about how nice it was and maybe how nice it would be.

When it comes to having nothing to talk about, I know it sounds bad, but she says she is always like that on the phone, and when we are in person its different. We DO have stuff to talk about its just not a whole lot. We have been talking for about 30 minutes every couple of days, so its not just like we have been doing nothing.

But before we have been talking about our future together, and how nice it would be to see each other, but now that I told her how its okay if she doesn’t come, I can’t really talk about that, so we have to talk about the unreal possibility of seeing each other again, which feels kind of stupid.
ARrrrgh!

This is so frustrating.

Can anyone predict what a little time of no communication will do?

10

Count me as a commitment phobe. If I told some guy that things were moving too fast and that I needed time to think and he moved countries to be near me, I would slap a restraining order on him and disappear. But that’s me. Whne I say I need time to think, I need time…you know…to think. I do not need to be pressured further. (And to take the next step, if I need the time to think, its not the right relationship for my life. However amazing the person is.)

11

Wise words.

Also, to echo Mariluz, hearing things like “I don’t know what I would do without you” can be scary. You’re making her responsible for your happiness and well-being. Believe me, she has enough trouble with her own.

12

[hijack]

Please do, I’d be flattered.

[/hijack]

13

From what you’ve written so far, it sounds to me like you’re trying to convince yourself of something that may not be true. If you already lived in Denmark right now, maybe you guys would be together. Or perhaps you would date for a few weeks and she’d freak out because all of a sudden you’re this boyfriend and she isn’t ready for a boyfriend right now. Or perhaps she is saying this because she likes you and doesn’t want to hurt you, so it’s easier to tell you it’s the distance that is keeping you apart, rather than her reluctance to be in a relationship with you.

If you were already planning to go to school in Denmark, then by all means try to be with this girl. But I strongly urge you not to choose your graduate school based on her, at least without first forming a relationship (i.e. visiting each other and seeing where things go).

Follow your heart, but don’t plug your ears and close your eyes while you do it.

14

Thanks! My grandma was always giving me these little sayings to live by, and I wish she had told me this one. It might have saved me from many difficulties. (or not) :wink:

15

I have to agree with this as well. An ex once told me this, and it really creeped me out.

Another thing that worries me on your behalf is, like several others have mentioned, she cheated on her boyfriend with you. It’s possible that she realized her mistake after she did it; however, it raises a big red flag with me, too, and would make me wonder if this, combined with her fear of committing, would make her likely to do the same to you.

Yet another thing previously mentioned - the fact that you don’t really have much to talk about - is a big concern, too. Especially since, in your current situation (having an ocean between you), you can’t fulfill the sexual part of your relationship. If you can’t have sex, and can’t talk to each other, either, plus she’s not as into the relationship as you are, it doesn’t sound like the best foundation for something long-term.

One thing I haven’t seen mentioned (or maybe it has been mentioned and I didn’t see it) - this woman just came out of a 5-year relationship with someone that I will presume (with the exception of her cheating on him with you) was exclusive. She likely had quite a bit of emotion invested in that relationship, so she may really not be ready to commit.

Regardless, cutting back your phone conversations to once a week is probably a good idea. It’ll give you both time to assess what you have here. As for the graduate program - if you had already planned to go to Denmark for a graduate program, by all means go. However, if and when you do that, keep your own best interests at the forefront (and I don’t mean your friend, I’m talking about your educational interests). If there’s a really fabulous program in her city, that’s great. Go for that if you really, really want to. But, if there’s an even better program in another city, do that instead. That way, at least you’ll be in the same country so you can visit, but if things don’t work out, you won’t feel like you’ve done yourself a disservice. As for her moving to America, it doesn’t sound to me as though she’s ready for that.

Whatever you do, best of luck to you. Let us know what happens.

16

As soon as I read that she cheated on you with her boyfriend of 5 years, my opinion was formed.

Let her go, it sounds like your getting off easier then you would 5 years from now.

btw great line Cheapbastid

17

Female, checking in here. I agree with John Carter of Mars. I say this because you mentioned the grad school would be ideal for you in any event. And also because I think romance is too dead in this world. I encourage you to use your creativity to demonstrate to her (once you get there) how much you love making her happy. In the meantime, I would give her the space she requests and just keep in touch weekly. I hope this works out for you. If it doesn’t, it seems you’ll still be in a good place to continue your life. Best of luck.

18

The part that worried me most, as others have briefly touched on, is that she agrees you two would definitely be together if you already lived in Denmark. Now, I realize this anecdotal and not even remotely the same thing, but when people say stuff like this, it’s usually because it’s “safe,” in the manner of there’s no way in hell it’ll happen anytime soon. My situation lasted for a year, with a married man (yes, I know, but I said it was different) who’d already proposed, bought me an engagement ring and rented an apartment for us. However, when the deadline date approached, he reneged. Ah, if I’d only listened to my head instead of my heart (and other parts).

So, I’m thinking she only says that knowing you won’t magically appear there. And if you did, I believe she’d fall back on her “needing space and not knowing what she wants to do”, etc., etc.

Next, an occasional call or email is fine. But trust me, I think if she really desires you the way you think she does, then she’ll make certain that if she feels you’re losing interest, to come roaring back into the picture. Therefore, keep things light and airy, don’t always chat about the past and “what was” or you’ll come across as too desperate (after such a short period of time involved) and obsessive. Prove you have a real life outside of this. And remember, sometimes when folks have a fling, they have a tendency to say and feel things that are true during that moment, later, it’s seen in a more realist light and is recognized for what it might actually have been… infatuation, a rebound, raging hormones and rushing into sex a wee bit fast or something that may honestly turn special. Right now though, don’t count on your own sense to tell you if this is right or wrong. Give it some perspective.

Finally, about moving there to go to school… if you were planning on it anyway or it really does have the absolute best program for you, then by all means, go. If not, don’t. If you do decide too though, I wouldn’t tell her until it’s finalized (if then) if your relationship has passed beyond friends. Then, if you “accidently” run into her sometime in the future (6 months maybe?), you can tell her how busy you’d been, didn’t mean to lose track of her or you’d have already looked her up and let her know. That could be when the real romance of the situation kicks in. The type where she begins to ponder what she missed out on, how mature you are in the pursuit of your life and able to make a start without stalking and being needy. Perhaps she’ll chase after you then. :wink: I know I would. Men like that are interesting and their confidence is sexy as hell.

Just see things as they are and not how you want them to be. Oh, if I’d only followed that advice myself. But you can do that and still hope for love. However, it has it’s own pace, you can’t force and even if you could, then you wouldn’t want it nor would it be worth having.

Good luck. (Remember, there are LOTS of people in the world and it’s not so much finding your soulmate as finding your best friend/lover/confidant on an equal playing field. You’ll know it when you both are in the same place at the same time.)

19

Hey faithfool,

I guess that’s pretty good advice, I guess.

What really bothers me is how we really fit well together. I guess its hard to explain to people who don’t know me or her, but I suppose you’ll just have to. Everyone else noted that we were so good together. I told her that when we were together we were always really close, but it there was no kind of needy relationship going on there. Of course I am extremely needy now and that is what really sucks. But how can I not be? I suppose there has to be some way for her to know that I am not needy.

That’s one of the things that she found attractive in me and its extremely hard to get that back now. I really screw things up when they are like this, though.

But I am finding it really hard to stop thinking of her all the time. That’s what really sucks. I guess I’ll have to get over her, but this is really so hard.

I believe her when she says that it would work if I were there. I don’t really think that she has any kind of commitment fear like that. The problem is that we need a big step to have a normal relationship at her pace. Sure maybe she would decide within a few months that she wanted more time, but she really thought I was a special person and I was what she was looking for instead of her boyfriend. That is what is so hard about all of this :frowning:

The problem isn’t that she doens’t like me, but that she does… That really hurts, and the fact that she is so special to me too. I really don’t understand it well, that’s why I will never know the right thing to do. :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

20

When I was talking about her commitment fear above, I meant that I don’t think that she would have it if I was in the same city.

She has told me that when she meets guys she always goes really slow. I think if we could go much slower things would work better.
Ughhhh
Why the waiting???!?!?!