Tell a well-known joke in such a way that it’s totally unfunny and misses the point. I’ll start you off:
The other day I shot an elephant while I was wearing my pajamas. I don’t know why I was wearing my pajamas.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was something on the other side of the road that it needed to do. It was probably pretty important.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a baseball.
“Knock Knock”
“Who’s there”
“It’s me”
Q: How many people belonging to a certain ethnic group does it take to perform a particular menial activity?
A: A finite positive integer. One to perform the activity, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical of their ethnic group.
Have you heard about the bald man and his comb? He was unwilling to throw it in the trash.
q: What do you call a black guy wearing a suit in court?
a: Counselor.
I would have said “Robert.”
Equally not as funny!
“Doctor, doctor, will I ever play the violin again?”
“That depends. Did you play it before?”
“Well, no, not really.”
A duck buys a tube of chapstick at the drug store.
The clerk asks “Will that be cash or charge?”
The duck replies “Just bill me later”.
This traveling salesman had a blowout late at night and found he had no spare. Spotting a farmhouse in the darkness he went to the door and knocked. An old farmer came to the door and heard the salesman’s story and when the salesman asked if he could stay the night, the farmer said, “Yes, but you’ll have to sleep with my son.”
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pig. Te bartender says “hey! You can’t bring that animal in here!” The guys says “okay”, and leaves.
A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar. They had a few drinks, played a game of pool, shook hands, and each went home.
Why did the blonde stare at the container of orange juice?
She was considering whether it was still good to drink past its posted expiration date.
A bartender regularly entertained his patrons by bringing out a little man about one foot tall, who played a tiny piano on top of the bar. He took requests, sang, and played beautifully, much to the patrons’ delight. When asked, the bartender would tell the story of how a genie came to him and told him he would grant any one wish. The bartender asked the genie for a twelve-inch piano player.
A little dog limped into a saloon. He announced, “I’m looking for the man who shot me in the paw!”
How can you tell when a blonde has been using your computer?
The backspace key is showing signs of wear, because blondes are dumb and make typing mistakes.
Guy walks into a bar, he sees a sign that says,
“Ham Sandwich $2
Hand Jobs $5”
He sees the cute little bartender behind the bar and asks her, “are you the one who makes the ham sandwiches?”
“Yes I am”
“Are you the one who gives the handjobs?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Oh, well then, I’d like a handjob.”
Q: What’s the difference between an elephant and your mother?
A: They’re of entirely different species.
(Man, I love this joke. The correct answer is “About three pounds,” in case you don’t know.)
Q: What do you call a person who looks through your windows when you’re in the capital of China?
A: A Beijing Tom.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
The bartender says, “that must be bothering you.”
The pirate says, “yarrrr, it’s driving me crazy.”