Okay, look. The OP said that the girl could not think of one single thing that she enjoys and does not care about going out with friends or having privileges taken away.
Why do you NOT want her evaluated for possible drug therapy? Anti-depressants don’t turn people into zombies or junkies, and where depression is concerned, they can be life saving. This evaluation needs to be done NOW because this girl is not acting normally NOW. Is it normal for a person to have not one single thing that she enjoys?
I suppose the grandmother could be exaggerating what her granddaughter told her, but why would she?
Saying, “Oh, it’s just a phase, all kids go through this and they snap out of it eventually.” will be small comfort once the suicide attempts start. I am not saying that they will, but who wants to risk that possibility?
Have the girl see a doctor. Why are you so opposed to such a simple act?
I don’t know – I get the impression from what the OP has said that the girl in question really does not like to do anything at all, that she pretty much does do nothing but stare at the wall. And that’s not normal.
I suggest a change in environment. Has she got a cousin/sibling/family friend at university, or living in another city, she could maybe go and visit for a weekend.
Nothing like being plunked down in a new spot with people who have no expectations of you, to get you moving sometimes. A weekend shadowing a young person out in the world living life, might be all it takes.
(I would take her to be evaluated by a Dr if she’s willing, but I’d try a whole lot of other things before I went pharmaceutical.)
Some kids just aren’t motivated by the mainstream things that motivate their peers. So, of course, they don’t care about anything. It can be hard for kids who aren’t destined to be like everybody else, to find their passion. Take her horseback riding for a day, have someone take her rock climbing for a weekend.
Oh, I support this so much. As a former depressed teenager, with many depressed friends when I was that age. I’m okay now, but far too many of the kids I knew are still depressed, or have committed suicide, 7 years now since we were young together. Most never received any support from their families or any mental health treatment when they were still living with parents. An awful lot of people around here “don’t believe in therapy”, or think medication is never a good thing, even after their kid tries to kill herself.
I only wish more parents were so proactive about the mental and emotional health of their kids. “He’ll grow out of it” “she’s just lazy” “oh, all teenagers are miserable” and the wait-and-see I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-her-rebellious-ass attitudes are IMO damaging beliefs which can keep kids in a really dark place they don’t know how to get out for far too long. And some of them don’t make it out. Let’s not forget how horribly common successful suicide of young people is in this country - it’s the third leading cause of death for people 15-24 for goodness sake. And many more attempt it, often multiple times.
I’ve known too many happy, healthy teenagers to think it’s normal or ever okay for any 16-year-old to completely lack motivation and joy in living.
And what the hell does it hurt to go to a medical professional if something seems off or wrong with your child, even if it’s not a concrete physical symptom?
This girl sounds a like me at that age. Except I was a boy, but whatever.
I HATED being a teenager. Being told what to do all the time, having to wake up way earlier than I wanted to, studying crap I wasn’t interested in, being forced to compete in the high school social rat race. It just plain sucked. There was really nothing to look forward to.
Look at things from her point of view. People are all around her telling her what they expect of her all the time. She isn’t allowed to decide anything for herself. She is smart enough to realize that she is basically powerless against society/school/parents. So being depressed and careless is a passive rebellion for her. She can act how she feels and manage to annoy everyone else. Two birds with one stone.
At least that’s how it was for me. Things got better after I graduated and could do what I wanted but until then it was just a drag.
I’m also surprised at the number of people saying take her to a doctor. My impression of what doctors tend to do with things like depression is prescribe first, ask questions later - has anyone ever gone to a doctor saying they were depressed and NOT gotten prescribed something? I could be wrong, but won’t taking her to be checked out pretty much guarantee some sort of drugs?
I would be fine with this, except everyone seems to be taking the girl’s responses in the OP literally. Bear in mind this is a teenage girl being asked by her Granny about personal stuff - many teenagers simply do not open up to grandparents/uncles/aunts - it’s extremely possible that when asked what she liked, she just shrugged, not actually answering the question. When pressed, this may have just pissed her off and made her more determined not to answer.
Anyway, without the OP returning to clarify this is all pure speculation. But it’s possible that she just finds her family “uncool” or boring, and turns into a different person altogether when she’s with her peers. I know I went through a phase like that. If she is actually completely unresponsive and never smiles or feels cheerful about anything, then maybe its time for drugs alright.
Absolutely not. Most doctors don’t prescribe those types of medications just at first mention of depression. As some SSRIs can affect teenagers adversely, a good doctor would refer any teenager to some type of talk therapy first before just prescribing such a medication.
Anyone who has a doctor that would do otherwise should seriously consider finding another doctor.
I’d just like to say, yes, teenagers can have clinical depression and even worse conditions that start off with depressive symptoms (especially if there’s a certain pattern of psychiatric disorders in the family). It will not hurt the child to have her go to a therapist and have her checked out. I don’t know why people are acting like going to a therapist is like sending her away to an institution or something.
Secondly, if she is depressed, it is not necessarily an indictment on the home environment. She could just be chemically imbalanced. So drugs MAY be called for. Not necessarily, but if we all agree that clinical depression is a real condition (and I hope we do), then I hope we also agree that it can also be medically treated.
Thirdly, there’s nothing to stop her from seeing a therapist AND switching things up in her life. Is there a way that she could live with the OP for awhile, for instance? Sometimes just a change of scenary can affect things. Or maybe her parents can help her come up with ideas for something that she might like. Something low-key and asocial, so that it doesn’t seem overwhelming. Like taking pottery or gardening lessons. I was a lucky teenager in that I had one thing that I really really liked, which I stuck to like glue. Drawing. I had my violin and viola, but they didn’t really mean as much to me. Sometimes kids need help finding something, and if they haven’t found something by 16, then it can seem to them that there just isn’t anything interesting in the world. That’s why a good therapist might help.
What isn’t helpful is badgering her to “find something”. She obviously needs help in this department. If she isn’t depressed already, nagging at her (not saying the OP is doing this) will drive her in that direction.
A distant relative of mine started having a lack of affect, lack of reactions, she went from “bubbly little girl” to “might as well be a pillow tween” - her mother, realizing that this had been a symptom she’d herself had as a teenager, took her to the doctor as fast as she could get an appointment.
A couple of blood tests determined that the daughter suffered from the same thyroid problem as the mother. Treatment for that problem brought her energy levels back to normal; a couple of years later she was a surly teenager, a few years more and she was a well-adjusted college student.
While “depression” is the possible diagnosis that’s been mentioned most often in the thread, several posters have said “there are other medical problems which might be causing this apathy”, I have just given an example - in the end, the solution begins by the same step: talking to a doctor.
I don’t think drugs are the answer, that’s just an artificial mood booster that disguises the real problem. And I think the real problem is lack of motivation. Kids that age are constantly being told what they can and cannot do, and are constantly being asked what they want to be when they grow up. Many don’t know what they want to do with their life, it’s a HUGE question and they get sick of answering it.
IMO what she really needs is an activity whether that be dancing, sports, working in a soup kitchen, volunteering at a animal shelter, getting a job, something. The cycle of just sleeping and going to school (that she probably doesn’t like) and coming home only to do it all over again would depress anyone.
Travel can also be a good outlet, anything to get away from the normal routine.
Take her to a psychologist. They are the ones who do testing. Do not take her to a psychiatrist, and especially not the GP. Those are the ones that will give medication that has been proven to only be effective on the worst cases, without making sure it is called for.
Do not follow anyone’s advice that has indicated they do not know about depression. That includes anyone who thinks doctors just give out pills and people that freak out when someone who has been depressed is a little hyperbolic to encourage action.
Your granddaughter has the symptoms of a debilitating and possibly fatal disease. You’d take her to the doctor if she might have cancer, wouldn’t you?
If it turns out to not be depression, I’ll be the first person to be relieved. But the idea of avoiding going to the doctor because doctors can’t help is just typical woo.
Or, depending on how you look at it, drugs are an artificial mood booster (or mood buffer, as in my case - they weren’t ‘happy pills’, but they took the edge off the crippling anxiety and unhappiness) that are a valuable, sometimes necessary component in the toolbox needed to recover from depression.
It would have been nice if any of the out-of-school activities my parents paid for and made me attend made me feel less like I wanted to die all the time, but it didn’t work out like that. I hated everything and didn’t want to do anything - because I was depressed.
I took medication for 4 years - some of the worst 4 years of my life. At the end of that time I had done a ton of work on myself, including 4 years of therapy and counseling, some time spent in the loony bin, creating boundaries with my parents, learning to care for my body, learning not to hate myself, cutting some damaging relationships from my life (including my grandmother), leaving school, getting a job, and moving out of my parents house for good. After I had accomplished all of that I weaned off my medications and went forward with my better life. I haven’t needed medication since, but if I ever again need that help in order to move towards living a healthy, happy life, I will take it without hesitation.
I do agree that psychiatric medications are not a band-aid or solution for most cases depression. They are meant to be used in combination with various therapies, and ideally their use will be discontinued when the patient works through the underlying issues causing the depression.