There is nothing wrong with going to a Dr. & getting antidepressants—However this doesn’t solve everything.
As has been said before teens deal with bars (set by society) as being impossible to reach — they deal with a sense of inadequacy.
This isn’t easly to deal with.
Sometimes we have to really dig deep to find things she can succeed at, and then by repeating the process confidence emerges.
EG: I caught my two teen boys with Jack Daniels and a pack of smokes last summer. They were in a nose-dive. I grounded them severely, but knowing you can’t take everything away I said “You are only allowed out of the house to work out and swim” Another parent was involved and she called me “You’re being too easly on them…” within a week her son was joining my boys at the gym. Discussions ensued, as they became more successful with their workouts, they wanted to work out more, it’s nearly a year now & them and 2 neighbour boys go out all the time and my kids are starting to look like little body builders (they’re 15). The main principle here is that they had to find something they could be good at and create a good habit–payback is the self-esteem boost. Over time they have discarded the interest in smoking or drugs, but they’re still sneaking the odd beer. Life isn’t perfect.
Does she like drawing, music, art, dance? What can she try with little risk at the beginner level and learn to enjoy? Every kid has a dream…
Are you talking about adolescents in particular or diagnosing depression in general? I know you are posting as a parent of a depressed child and this thread is about an adolescent but this statement doesn’t seem to necessarily be qualified that way.
I went to my doctor in January and told her I had been dealing for two months with the stress caused by my dad’s brain trauma; that I had gotten to a point where I didn’t enjoy any of the things I used to, had difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, and felt completely without hope that my life would ever get back to normal even though intellectually I knew I’d get through eventually.
She gave me a script for antidepressants after about 5 minutes and my mood was largely back to normal after a month, even though the stressful life event still hasn’t fully ended. My life was still at a low point, but I was able to look at it from my normal optimistic pragmatic mood/viewpoint again.
It was literally the shortest least difficult medical diagnosis I’ve ever had from a doctor.
Now if you meant specifically adolescents I can imagine those people could be harder to diagnose.
Well, maybe my experience is abnormal. I guess I just find it odd that other people seem to think this is out of the ordinary, when it seems to be, while certainly not common, common enough that I think everyone should have had some personal experience with someone whose gone through something similar.
No doubt. From my experience, I’d be skeptical that it would help, but as you say, it can’t hurt (well, other then her parents pocketbooks), and if it does help, it would certainly be worth it.
What I don’t understand is why you’re drawing a conclusion that it can’t be helped simply because it’s common. I understand you were specifically challenged by someone on whether or not it’s very prevalent to present as so severely depressed, but even if it is very common… so what? There are effective ways to treat depression so why would we not simply because it’s common?
My understanding is that in older adults in the U.S. it is literally more common to have high blood pressure than to not. But it’s easily treated, so who cares how common it is?
I don’t see anything wrong with saying go to a doctor. But the assumption that of course she has depression and HAS to have meds/therapy seems silly since none of us have met this girl.
One post out of 66, including multiple posts that explicitly detail several steps recommended, that do not include “she’s depressed, get her on meds”.
And multiple posters disclaiming the idea of “just put her on meds”.
That’s certainly an overwhelming mountain of evidence you have that there’s some sort of ’ “She MUST be depressed, ONLY meds will help her” mentality ’ going on.
True, only the OP has met the girl, but I think the posts you refer to (and certainly my posts) are coming from a place of deep concern and personal experience based on the very server sounding symptoms described. Depression is something that needs to be taken seriously, and often isn’t until it’s too late and there is tragedy. Far better to err on the side of caution.
“she should perhaps see a doctor to rule out physical issues and then look into whether she may suffer from depression. Then the doctor could help her with whatever she needs, which may include medication or therapy”
This somehow gets transposed by some people’s optic nerve into:
Also, maybe have her commit to a six week volunteering gig? Maybe find something that she MIGHT care a LITTLE about (animals, kids, old people) and have her give a few hours a few times a week. Feeling needed and feeling like you’re helping can get positive energy flowing IMHO
She may think that there is no point caring about anything, because it will just get taken away from her when she fails to meet her parents’ expectations. The parents are using her interests as a weapon against her, so she might think she is safer not having any.
Most shelters have dog walking programs. Just make sure it’s a no kill shelter first. Coming back to walk Sparky and finding out he’s ‘gone to the farm’ might not help with depression.
Why does every deviation from the norm need to be a medical problem?
Maybe she’s not depressed. Maybe she doesn’t care simply because she doesn’t care.
I’ve met a number of people who don’t seem to care about anything. They didn’t seem depressed. They were just lazy. Let’s face it… some people are just lazy, and there’s not a whole lot you can (or should) do about it.
I think their point is that even lazy people care about SOMETHING, even if it’s just surfing the 'Net or watching TV all day. But the OP’s granddaughter doesn’t even seem to care about THAT; she just wants to stare at walls or whatever. THAT seems at least mildly abnormal.
Add me to the list of people who say to get her checked by a doctor. It’s hard to distinguish between normal teenage angst and clinical depression. What all the people posting that they felt that way and then got better in time don’t seem to realize is that depression can be a cyclical, time limited disease. Most classic major depression lasts 6-12 months then resolves and may not recur for years if ever.
What pings my radar is the fact that she is not interested in anything and doesn’t seem to have a vision of being interested in anything in the future. Kids who are lazy or apathetic still have things that they enjoy. They will still want to go out with friends. They will not want their toys taken away. She doesn’t care.
Now, there are a lot of medical as well as psychological issues that can cause these symptoms. Hypothyroidism has been mentioned above, but there are many others. A doctor can make sure that she is not anemic, or sleep-deprived, or any of a number of other issues.
Given that depression usually spontaneously resolves, then why even bother to have her assessed? First, as noted above, it may be something else physiological causing her symptoms. Second, remember that depression is the third leading cause of death in teenagers. If she had a lump in her breast that did not resolve soon, you would take her to a doctor to have it evaluated, even though most breast lumps in teenagers are harmless cysts that resolve on their own. Why not have her evaluated for a potentially fatal disease that can be treated, often without medication.
My teenager with no therapy and no medication:
*Flat affect
*Ulcer
*Failing School
*Doesn’t care about losing privliges
*Doesn’t care about trying anything new
*Doesn’t call friends
My Kid with therapy and meds
*Plays on sports teams
*Works for privliges
*Organizes and plans his own goals
*Recognizes need to ask for help
*Still can’t clean his room
*Still calls his sister a dweeb (Dr. says we can’t medicate teenager out of him. Damn!)
Don’t diss the meds unless you’ve lived with the pain, yes pain, and misery of depression, anxiety or any other mood disorder. You wouldn’t withhold pain meds from somebody in pain would you? Do you think somebody with and infection should not take prescribed antibiotics because they should try to fight the infection on their own? Do you tell the person with a heart condition that if he only eats right and exercises he wouldn’t need meds, and its perfectly normal to suffer from heart disease at his age anyway?
We don’t get extra points for misery. Just because teenagers are known to have mood swings does not mean we abandon them to suffer until its over. Did it ever occur to you that the reason so many teenagers drink, smoke, do drugs, cut, starve, vomit, and get pregnant is to self- medicate? Teenagers can develop out of depression and stop the meds, but you can’t develop out of alcoholism, drug addiction, and parenthood quite as easily.
Is the OP’s grandaughter doing all these things? God, I hope not. But as a parent I would, and have, err on the side of caution. I did not wait and watch my son suffer, only to take action when things got scary. Its NOT worth my kids life and mental health.