She’s an 18 year old living in mom & dad’s home and working at mom & dad’s business. I’m not saying to keep her under lock and key but I don’t think some concern is unwarranted nor that “Nunnya bizness!” is an acceptable blanket response.
I’ve been 25. The reasons a 25 year old guy hangs out with 18 year old girls is either some sort of social stunting that they aren’t relating to other 25 year old people and feel more comfortable with teenagers or to get into their pants. Or maybe both.
Me and my husband were born in Jamaica and moved to Canada and stayed there ever since.
Where and when I grew up back at home, I was never like this. I never suddenly separated myself from my parents. I do encourage her to be independent but I also don’t expect to be abandoned. She’s still in my house, so i do expect her to not disrespect me.
You do realize that at some point she will become sexually active, right?
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I do realize that but not at such a young age. She’s still a baby.
I agree 18 is old enough. I can’t speak from any parenting experince, but in general if you try to drive people one way you run this risk of driving them the opposite way.
As for the 25-18 age gap. It is signifcant, but I think it’s still within the bounds of what is socially acceptable.
When I was about 19 or 20, one of my closer friends (a girl the same age as me) started to see a 36 year-old man. I think in many ways her friends and parents were actually very accepting, she was a very sensible girl and he was very laid back and easy to get along with.
Of course we had some reservations about the age gap and also that he seemed a bit of a slacker as the only job he had was part-time delivering flowers and the shop were she worked. Though he did seem reasonably well-off and owned his own house.
Anyway it later transpired that he was a tour manager for a very famous band (and I mean very famous, arguably the ‘biggest’ band in the World), though he didn’t reveal that to her for a while. They’ve now been together for over 10 years and recently got married, whilst obviously you only see these things from the outside, it’s one of the solidest relationships I know of.
Since meeting him she’s gone from working in a flower shop to getting a fashion degree and masters degree from the RCA (most prestigious Art College in the UK) and now works professionally as a fashion designer for a London fashion house. She was always intelligent and had an interest in the arts, but I don’t think any of us had an inkling back when we were 19 or 20 that she was capable of what she’s acheived.
She’s done all these by her own hard work and using her own skills, but I’m sure she’d freely admit that meeting her husband was the catalyst for it.
The point of that overly long story is that I wouldn’t pre-judge your daughters relationship just because of the age gap.
While she will always be a “baby” in your mind, she actually is not a baby anymore. You said you live in Canada? By her next birthday she will legally be allowed to drink and frequent bars and clubs. If you think she is disrespecting you now by hanging out with her friends more often, you are in for a serious reality check when she starts going out till 2am and coming home drunk.
I know you said that right now she doesn’t do those types of things, but she is growing up and it is all part of life experience. You don’t need to let go completely, but you definitely need to be more understanding and loosen the reigns.
If you actually got her to 18 without any experimentation (that you know of, anyway), you’re already ahead of the game.
Jamaica and Canada are very different countries. Legally, your daughter has the legal right to go live on her own somewhere, without your permission. Legally, your daughter is a full adult. You can’t go on treating her like a child because at this point she can actually do something about that, and I don’t think you’d like the obvious alternative.
Liberalizing things a little now may help keep her from cutting you out of her life completely.
As others have said, Americans and Canadians seem to have a lot weaker family ties than a lot of other cultures. I left home at 17 and never returned and maybe called my parents once a month, and saw them maybe 3 times a year. I’m probably less tight with my family than most but am not unusual in any fashion.
Define “baby”.
I dont want to control, but i do want to be in her life, just like i think any other parent would want to be.
I think that the best way that you can do that is to let go. Hold on too tight and she’ll run. You might not see her much in the next few years, but that’s temporary.
Totally legitimate point of view! However when you say “my house my rules” just understand is that one potential reaction is that your “baby” moves out - without your permission - and doesn’t care what you have to say about it.
I suggest you watch “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and realize that you are experiencing a painful, but fairly expected, feature of the immigrant experience - you have chosen to raise your daughter as a Canadian and now she IS a Canadian – not only or even predominantly a Jamaican. She has Canadian values and is expected by society at large to make her way in the world in a more or less conventionally Canadian way - not in the way you were raised.
BY the way, it seems your “good relationship” with your daughter was dependent on her being docile and agreeing with you – that’s not actually a “good” relationship.
At this age, in this culture, it’s reasonable to expect to be in her life, but unreasonable to expect her to be so much of a “baby” that she submits to your interference in her perfectly legal and very normal-sounding social life.
This is exactly how you should begin your next conversation with her.
And then tell her you trust her to make good decisions, and that she has your support. You can also tell her that as long as she lives under your roof she has to abide by your rules, but you need to reach a compromise with her on those rules.
Give a little bit and hopefully she will too.
Oh, my. “She’s still a baby.” No, she’s not, and it appears that, in spite of your best efforts, she is starting to realize that. She will always be your baby, but she is a young lady and she is doing what young ladies do. She is growing up.
She made an effort to be open with you about a man she finds interesting. You were less than receptive about the idea. So she no longer feels like she can talk to you about it.
As others have said above, you seem to have raised a level-headed young lady. Unless you plan to keep her in your home under lock and key forever, she has to spread her wings and learn to fly. If you keep trying to control her like a child, her flight could take her far away from you and cause her to make decisions you’d prefer she not make.
It’s hard to let go. My mother and I had some of the rockiest periods of our relationship when I was between 17 and 20. Holding on to her tighter won’t keep her with you; it’s more likely to drive her away.
Telling a child “no, you can’t see that person” has never worked. Remember Romeo and Juliet? Forbidden fruit and all that. She asked if she could go to dinner with the guy. That would have given you a chance to meet him and check him out for yourself. Instead, you tried to shut things down. You are judging a guy you’ve never met.
Don’t push her away.
As stated several times above, she’s an adult now, and she can make her own decisions for herself. From your story, I see no problems with her relationships, nor do I see any disrespect to you or any indication that she does not want you involved in her life. She simply looks like a good daughter who is now all grown up.
As a parent, you have already succeeded with her. She made it to 18 and is still alive. She is no longer a baby, and you need to accept that. You need to let her be her own person.
Congratulations, OP, your kid is normal 
She may NOT be having sex. I wasn’t at that age (yes, on purpose). She does need to know that if she does decide to have sex, you won’t kill her and so she really really REALLY should come talk to you about birth control.
I do understand your “she’s just a baby” sentiment and unlike what some others have said, I don’t think you’re trying to be overly controlling. You’re just trying to see to it that she doesn’t run out and mess up her life the first chance she gets – totally understandable.
She’s always gonna be your baby. She’s in a weird shadowland of development right now – mentally, she’s not “done” yet, her brain is still developing. Physically, she’s all woman.
If you’ve raised her right, and I’m sure you have, she’s gonna turn out just fine. I know it’s hard and goes against all of your instincts but try to be as hands-off as possible. In a few years she’s gonna realize Mom is a GENIUS and want to be around more. Right now, she needs to get “out there” a little and start learning about who she is vs. who her parents expect her to be vs. who she thinks she “should” be vs. who she wants to be, etc. I think 18 year olds need their parents just as much as toddlers do – but in a totally different way.
Just to throw this out there … if something was wrong (either physically or mentally) with your daughter to the point that she COULDN’T be a normal young adult and go out and interact with people, etc., you’d be heartbroken. Count your blessings
Depending on where she is, she could drink now - my province’s age is 18.
OP - this is normal. It may be painful, but you want her to grown to be independant. Your role will change from the authority figure in her life, to more of an advisor. That’s what is supposed to happen. She needs to find her way, and can do so with your helpful guidance, or alone. Now is not the time for ultimatums.
Apparently she has no vehicle. You drive her. You are providing a roof and board. How about further education? It doesn’t take a lot of wealth to buy an SLR. Your daughter wants to bust out and I get that. The genie is out of the bottle and you can’t put it back in. What you can do is provide free condoms and other birth control advice. Be ready to catch her when this plays out. She is not used to intense social situations and this guy has paid attention to her. He may sense the vulnerability and be acting on it. Talking won’t do much for you until more information comes in. You could do your own private background check of this individual. Protect her, but don’t chase her away.
Well, the universal rule for minimum dating age is half your age plus seven. So the 25 year old should only be dating a 19 year old, and is outside the bounds of acceptability by just a smidge! 
Imagine your daughter as a bar of soap. The harder you cling to it, the faster it will slip away from you.
I’m sad that you think your daughter is “changing for the worse.” She’s not. Please, try to get that through your head.