I agree with those who say the age difference is likely too much. I know it would be for me anyway. Think about it, you’ll need to date her for over a year before you can legally buy her a drink. I’m sure there are some awesome 19 year olds out there who are mature and have the experiences of someone a decade older, but they’ve got to be few and far between, and I question why such a woman would need to resort to online dating. Not that there’s anything wrong with it per se, it’s just that it seems like super awesome mature 19 year olds shouldn’t need to utilize that tool to find someone.
That said, it’s not like you’re going to marry the girl next week. I don’t see any harm in seeing her for coffee (it’ll have to be coffee, 'cause like I said you’re not meeting her in a bar any time soon) and seeing if you click in person too. At least get the lay of the land, see if she’s really what she seems. Then you can make an informed decision as to whether you want to pursue it or not.
I think this is a big part of different attitudes to age gaps like this in America, versus the rest of the world. The dumb “21 to drink” rule in America leads to the attitude that 19-year-olds are somehow “not proper adults”, whereas in most other countries nobody considers there’s much difference between, say, a 19-year-old and a 23-year-old.
When Prince Charles got engaged to Diana Spencer he was 31 and she was 19. I know it was a while ago (and obviously we all know how that turned out) but nobody cried “foul” at the time. I certainly felt like an adult at 19. Had an adult job, paid rent. If it feels right, go for it.
To be fair, it’s not really the American’s fault. As I understand it these 21 to drink laws are basically cause of one annoying group called mothers against drink driving or something that bullied the country into introducing these laws and politicans were unable to say no.
That could easily happen here with the right tabloid hysteria about some similar silly issue . I hope not because we have a proper drinking culture nationwide but you never know.
No, age drinking laws existed, state by state, long before Mothers Against Drunk Driving. In fact, as far as I am aware, MADD has no particular agenda about underage drinking, only about driving while under the influence.
Also, there are a few states with younger drinking ages, as low as 18.
Are you saying that the legal drinking age in your country is lower than 21, or that there is no legal lower age limit for drinking?
Roddy
I think Linctus is British, and it’s normally 18 here, though there is an exception that 16 and 17 year olds can drink beer, cider or wine with a meal at a table in a bar or restaurant, as long as they’re accompanied by someone aged 18 or over.
Incidently, my parents first started dating when my mother was 17, and my dad was 25. They’re still together.
My first thought from the title was “Oh, Jeez, no.” But given how it came about, and that you weren’t seeking a woman that young, go ahead and follow your heart and see what happens.
Although the age gap is the same, there’s a big difference between a 27-year-old who wants to be with a 19-year-old and a 48-year-old who wants to be with a 40-year-old. That’s why the xkcd formula is so great. The older you are, the wider your acceptable dating range is. It’s not cool to recommend the OP date so far down because, IMHO and IME, desirable/mentally-healthy partners in their late 20s want *nothing *to do with teenagers. So I deduce that the OP is either mentally unhealthy or an undesirable partner.
I’m 28, so I’m right in the OP’s demographic. The thought of anyone my age *seriously *dating a 19-year-old is, frankly, ludicrous. I would expect anyone (of either gender) in a similar relationship to be one of two things:
vastly emotionally immature, or
predatory, because younger partners are more accepting of flaws and look better naked.
Hey, maybe the OP really *is *the first cradle-robber I’ve ever encountered IRL or online who isn’t skeezy or a basket-case. But I wouldn’t bet that girl’s happiness on it.
Oh come on. 27 and 19 is hardly “cradle-robber” territory. When I was at school more than one 16-year-old girl was going out with guys in their 30s. *That *is cradle-snatching.
I wouldn’t even class 27/19 as much out of the ordinary. Add three years and you’ve got 30/22 which wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow anywhere.
Well, there’s 19 and then there’s 19, two completely different things.
Seriously, is she out on her own, earning her own money and supporting herself? That would be a very mature 19 year old. (Some even have kids.)
On the other hand a 22 year old could be still in school staying at home with parents fully supporting - not as mature as the 19 year old I just described, yah?
So I wouldn’t automatically reject just because of age. Look deeper.
Rachel, I totally get why you say this, and I appreciate you sharing your opinion as well. And this is part of the reason I wanted to ask for advice on this forum, because of the diverse views it offers.
Likewise I appreciate all the feedback that’s been shared so far!
I kind of agree with this. I’m a college senior graduating this semester, even ignoring the logistical issues this would cause in a couple months, dating an 18 year old freshman would feel weird. I mean, if it clicks it clicks, but I think there’s going to be a big difference between a 19 year old starting school on scholarship/parental funding, a 19 year old working through school with loans, and a 19 year old working a job not in college.
That’s not to say any are immediate disqualifiers depending on what you’re okay with, but if they’re in college keep in mind what college is like. For one, her schedule (not just when she’s in class, but her “busy days” as far as homework etc) is probably going to be completely ludicrous and change drastically every 6 months. If she lives in a dorm, that’s going to be a bit of a logistical issue as well (if she lives with her parents that’s likely even worse), especially if she doesn’t have her own car (assuming you’re not in NYC or somewhere with good public transportation).
Again, I don’t think any are immediate dealbreakers, or insurmountable, just remember that a college student’s life is a heck of a lot different than a working person’s, I’ve learned this as more and more of my friends have graduated. Also keep in mind that if she’s a college student, and you get serious, you have to consider the possibility of what happens if she wants to go to grad school somewhere across the country (granted she’ll have to deal with that whoever she dates). Even if she’s working, she’s at the age where she might well change her mind and choose to go to school somewhere instead.
I’m not saying anything her is necessarily bad, I’m just bringing up things to keep in mind when making a choice.
(Also, even ignoring things like class schedules and that, it surprises me to no end just how differently freshmen act, in general, than even juniors or second semester sophomores. Not necessarily worse, in some ways it’s more fun to be around, but generally that whole 1.5 year period is still kind of a “post-High School transition phase” especially if they live in a dorm or the same town as their parents)
My understanding was this MADD lot made some politicans in congress (or somewhere else? senate?) make it so that states wouldn’t be able to get road repairs from the feds unless they changed the drinking age. So while it wasn’t forced as such, it totally was.
I must say I never knew there was a legal age limit for this case. Five might be pushing it a bit (although family lore states that my sister started walking, aged 1, after her first sip of champagne at a wedding)…
