27 Year old dating a 19 Year Old

In My Humble Opinion
41

19 isn’t all that young, automatically. The “nice house, nice car” thing, for example, is a bit less of a concern when she’s old enough to recognize that it’s possible to have a house and a car that are not nice. So 24 and 16, or 22 and 16, would bother me, but a 19-year-old is far more likely to have a good basis for knowing what relationships are like and what she wants from one.

If you only know she was 19 because it said so in her profile, you’re probably fairly close in maturity levels. I’m 34, and I’m not single, but if I were I’d put that as more important than strict numerical age.

42

You’re wrong, MADD was instrumental in the drinking age being raised to 21. Prior to the 1980’s the drinking age in most states was 18. It was raised to 21 in most states with the National Minimum Drinking Age Act in the mid 80’s. This law basically withheld federal highway dollars from states that refused to raise the drinking age to 21, ban open containers in vehicles, and other reforms. MADD lobbied HEAVILY for this act, and it’s the reason the de facto drinking age in all states is 21. Saying MADD has no particular agenda against underage drinking is like saying the ACLU has no particular agenda about free speech violations: it’s actually pretty much exactly what they do.

While some states have exemptions for home consumption (usually in the presence of a parent), no state allows a 21 year old to purchase alcohol or consume it in a bar. I call that the de facto drinking age.

43

It definitely contributes a bit, in that it tends to segregate people over and under 21. But for me the bigger difference is “freshman in college vs. someone who’s been out of college for a year and is trying to make it in the real world,” or alternately “someone who just finished high school vs. someone who’s been making their way in the real world for 5 years.” In my opinion the difference between a 19 and 23 year old is bigger than a 23 year old and a 33 year old.

Of course, lots of 19 year olds are full fledged adults, with jobs, their own place, etc. But most are really just starting to dip their toes in adulthood, despite their legal status. That’s why I think the OP should go out for coffee - he should be able to figure out if she’s got her shit together after a date.

44

My friend when out with a 19 year old girl when we were both close to 40. That was weird. I couldn’t believe the conversations they were having concerning J Pop groups I could care less than zero about. That was strange.

As others have said, some 19 year olds are relatively mature and others are still kids. If she’s the former, then I don’t see any problems. Just like any other relationship, you have to be able to look at it objectively at times.

45

…well respected in the community, etc).

Indeed? Is this your opinion or are you actually respected…at 27yoa…in the community no less…really?

46

To the OP: Just be sure you check her drivers license.

47

I haven’t read the thread, only the OP, but in any case: Go for it.

Eight years is NOTHING. There’s twenty-four years between my parents, and they’re doing A-OK.

48

The “half plus seven” is an excellent rule of thumb. However, to me that just means that there is one more thing to consider, not that it is an absolute rule. Citing cases that violate the rule and were successful doesn’t invalidate the rule.

49

Just be sure and verify that she’s really 19 and not some underage girl pretending to be older. Other than that, I’d proceed with caution, but proceed nonetheless.

50

Nope, you can’t; it’s 16 to be able to drink in a restarant or bar with food, and it is just beer, cider or wine, they can’t drink spirits under that exception.

You can drink between the ages of 5 and 16 if it’s given you by a parent or guardian, but only in a private house. It’s not legal however for anyone to sell alcohol (except in the over-16-with-a-meal exemption) knowing it’s intended for anyone under 18, even if the person buying it is their parent.

Under 5 you can only be given alcohol by a doctor for medical purposes.

51

Exactly. I’m 38 and am together with a 23 year old. By the rules we shouldn’t be together and, frankly, despite my attraction to her I did absolutely nothing because of those rules and consequently she thought I wasn’t interested because of that. In the end she just decided to risk our friendship and explain everything - and now we couldn’t be happier.

Things can occasionally be a bit weird, but nothing you can’t get over. I never say things like “she’s mature for her age” or stuff like that, she was 22 when we got together. That’s still an adult. I get occasional jokes from people (friends occasionally ask if I read her a bedtime story, for example) but all in all, things are great. Maybe it won’t last, but it is going well now and, well, if two people really like each other you’ve got to try, haven’t you?

So yeah, that half age plus seven crap is just bollocks.

52

Yup, she approached you, not the other way round. Meet her, see if there’s an attraction, and take it (slowly) from there!

53

And check her ID.

Good luck to you, OP.

54

Half my age is 27 1/2 +7 would be 34 1/2.
sah-guy just turned 40, obviously it’s time to trade him in on a younger model. :smiley:

Well, he does have more grey hair than I do, and he does have a 5 year old grandson.
My kid hasn’t even graduated high school.

55

I’ll echo what others have said about proceeding with caution.

Especially with you as an older, sophisticated man, if you have a job and nice things and she doesn’t have career/money/direction yet, dating you is going to represent the attainment of a certain type of lifestyle. It’s a pitfall of dating someone who hasn’t really put together her own life yet. Just be aware!

I dated a string of 40-somethings when I was in my 20s and probably the biggest clashes were the inevitable income/lifestyle disparities. They would be wearing prada loafers and hiring landscapers, I would be shopping in thrift stores, wearing glitter eyeliner, and sleeping late on weekends. Not that I wasn’t classy, but I was 20, not 40. They were always attracted to my intelligence/personality, but not prepared that dating a 20-something means being OK with the 20-something lifestyle. A 20-something girl is not a 40-something woman in a 20-yo’s body.

I remember one boyfriend getting frustrated after a friend’s b-day party I invited him to, which was held outside in a garage, with streamers and balloons and we all dressed up in carnival costumes and drank and danced and played badminton. It was a lot of fun! But at the end of the night he was like, “I’m too old to go to parties in garages! I am past this phase of my life!”

If you want to date a 19-yo, make sure you’re OK with sitting on the floor playing games, meeting her giggly friends, drinking bottom-shelf alcohol at home, her wearing jeans and hoodies, her job (if she’s not still a student) being low-level, or, if she is a student, the student lifestyle. In case you’ve forgotten, student life is full of drama. You drink too much, fight, cheat, gossip, betray your best friends, your best friends betray you, etc etc. Even if she’s smart and sweet and “with it”, most 19-yos are surrounded by an environment and peers that are not.

56

Oh, age… it really has so little to do with how good a match someone might be for you, IMO. If you feel that compatibility with her, explore it. Of course, be aware that she is only 19 (…and double check that) no matter how ‘mature’ or independent she is at this moment, and be sure to be a positive influence in her life.

My first serious relationship was with someone 16 years older. It ended amicably and now I am very happily dating someone 6 years younger. Were/are there age-related issues in both relationships? Yes, of course. But nothing all that different than the issues one must work through in relationships where you are within 2-3 years of the same age. And my ex is not a cradle-robbing skeeze-ball (though he is unquestionably ‘immature’ or outside norms for his age group… which is why we aren’t together any more. I surpassed him in a lot of things by the age of 25, and we didn’t have compatible goals).

57

OK, I’ll go ahead and be “that” guy:

At 27 I would’ve been all over that shit sexually. Not sure if dating would be an option as she couldn’t hang with me in bars.

But maybe you’re not a boozer like I am, so maybe it could work.

On a less piggish note: It’s hard enough to find love period. Why limit yourself to the confines of rules that YOU yourself don’t even agree with?

In other words, don’t turn this girl away simply because you’re affraid of how the outside world will veiw you.

Use your own judgement and live by your own rules. (With in reason, don’t get yourself arrested.)

58

The problem with this post is that you seem to be assuming that all 40+ guys are “wearing prada loafers and hiring landscapers.” I have plenty of 40+ friends, and am close to 40 myself, but I can’t imagine any of them saying “I’m too old to go to parties in garages! I am past this phase of my life!”

All IMHO of course, but it strikes me your problem wasn’t that you were dating 40-somethings, it was that you were dating dicks that happened to be 40-something.

59

Sounds like he ‘likes’ her for reasons other than he’s letting on and/or and wants to justify it by the fact that she ‘sounds’ a bit more mature than he was expecting…

I’ve met men whom sounded more mature (by contrast to their general peers), yet in practice and methods they were still immature, ignorant, uneducated, not well traveled etc.

-Talk is cheap.
-Talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?
If he’s just after someone to fling with then fine, though in most cases that doesn’t end well.
Between you and I, here’s some personal advice from other side of the fence: Young girls (whether with mal intent or not) use older guys for various reasons - some obvious, some not so obvious.

It often ends when they get their ‘fill’ of that person, and no longer find them as necessary/useful or attractive.
Then you just become another name in their long Iphone list of which exists other men (and boys) just like you.

Being young, pretty and ‘mature for their age’ with a long list of telephone numbers means there’s always someone else standing between you and her.

You on the other hand don’t want to hang around a bunch of new chicks - you just want to meet someone new and make a new friend.
Little girls don’t know how to be friends.

60

True. Age!= maturity.

So date away :slight_smile: