400% My as---AAAAARRRRG

The BBQ Pit
1

Microflex Evolution One latex gloves.
Gaurenteed to stretch 400% before snapping.

Bah, I’ll believe it when I see it.

So I was sitting in the lab doing work when I started talking to my coworker about this, how I didn’t believe the marketing on the glove, pointing out how tight the gloves were on my hands (I wear an extra large glove).

So we decided to have an experiment.

I grabbed the beaded cuff of the glove and pulled as far as I could before I started to worry about the glove breaking.

“See that isn’t 400%”

My coworker got another glove from the box and held it up and we more or less guesstimated how manytimes we stretched the glove.

4.5 times.

“Hrrm, 400% my ass lets go for f —snap---- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG”

Yep, that beaded cuff slipped right out of my gloved fingers. Second most painful latex injury EVER.

Did I mention I did this AFTER I’d had my hands in the -80? So my skin was all nice and cold.

So I’m standing there clutching my wrist doing my Pulp Fiction powered Locomotive impression. Ya know how normal locomotives do that pfft pfft sound? Well I was going “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck”.

When I backed into the biohazzard trash and knocked it over
Then fell on it.

On the plus side, the biohazzard bag only had about 30 pairs of gloves in it.

On the down side, I have to order a new metal frame due to … impact damage.

Oh yeah, the groin injury.

Don’t forget that.

The old number 1: Most painful latex injury is now officially upsurped!

We’ve got a new number 1.

2

Sure, you got hurt, but at least you accomplished…

Wait, what did you accomplish again? :slight_smile:

3

He fell into a bucket of biohazardous waste, remember?

4

I gotta know – what was the previous “most painful latex injury”???

5

And got super powers, right? CRorex, you did get super powers, didn’t you?

6

Well, think about it – what else can be made of latex?

7

:dubious: Paint?

8

Yes, as we have all learned from comic books and TV: falling into and/or somehow coming into contact with either radioactive or biohazard imbued substances will give you super powers and not in fact give you Deadly Incurable Cancer

9

What about Deadly Incurable Cancer that gives you super powers?!

10

"Hey Moe, watch me test this glove- nyuk nyuk nyuk. . . "

11

When scientist get bored… BAD things happen.
[sub]As in Egon from Gohostbusters Bad[/sub]:smiley:

12

I was reading it as the most painful injury involving latex was the aforementioned mashing of the groin on the container of biohazardous waste.

However, I’m certainly not gonna jump to a snap conclusion.

13

Painful Latex Injury would make a fine name for a band.

I’m just saying…

14

OMG, CRorex is going to turn into John Travolta! :eek:

[sub]C’mon, didn’t anyone else see Phenomenon?[/sub]

15

I hate latex gloves because i always rip them as i put them on.

16

Now there’s a fate worse than death.

17

Latex gloves make my hands stink to high heaven. Nitrile’s where it’s at, man! They even have bright purple ones now too!

18

Let me get this straight. CRorex is alone in the lab with a “coworker”, smashes up a garbage can, gets a groin injury, is caught with ripped latex on one hand, and claims he is testing glove stretch. Yeah. Wink. Whatever you say.

Boss: “Hey, how did this bottle of AstroLube get in the biohazard trash?”

19

We proved conclusively that they can stretch way past 400%. Take a glove and tie it really tight to an air nozzle. Ideally, this should be done inside an enclosed hood, so as to contain the inevitable shrapnel. Turn on the air nozzle - slowly at first, then gradually move up to full blast. Our strongest glove got big enough to easily hold a basketball before exploding.

20

I once hooked a garden hose up to a latex surgical glove. The thing grew to absolutely massive proportions before exploding. I took a picture of it in its fully inflated state and fired it off to Dave Barry, who later sent me a post card saying that I “deserve, at minimum, the Nobel Prize.” He hasn’t mentioned it in a column yet, though.

-Andrew L