for me its gotta be that stupid ass swab on a metal stick that they use to check for STDs. damn they have your spread open your pee hole and then they ram the metal swab up inside as deep as they can get it . oh man my eyes are tearing up just thinking about it … :smack:
I’ve never had that done so I would guess getting kicked in the balls and zipping up on my member. 
I’ve heard about those STD tests and it seems like it would be a major incentive not to get tested.
Yikes… I’m glad I managed to get married and settled down without ever having to get one of those done.
Sometimes, if I try to urinate too soon after sex, I get a crazy blueballs-type pain in my hardware, as if millions of swimmers suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I wonder if anyone else gets that. Maybe it has a clever name.
“Balderaan”, I call it.
While unpleasant, it’s better than having your cock turn green and drop off.
Yeah, but you wanna talk about some pain? I bought one o’ them cheese graters, you know? And I go home, you know, and I spread my toes apart and I just start sawing, back and forth and back and forth, you know? And I take a little thing o’ Tobasco sauce, you know and just dump it on there. Talk about a hotfoot, mister! Man, that was rough.
Suddenly, I’m moved to give thanks for stirrups and specula!!
And now some manic alien in my brain has decided to set the words ‘speculum, specula’ to the chorus of The Happy Wanderer. :eek:
Methinks this really belongs in IMHO (if anywhere).
<SNL era Christopher Guest>
I hate it when that happens.
Don’t ya hate it when you pick at your knee and end up with a tab of skin and then take the little key from a can of spam and roll that skin flap all the way down to your foot.
Oh yeah, I hate it when that happens.
</SNL era Christopher Guest>
Similar to the swab test, but WORSE, was the cytoscopy I had to get done after I was in the hospital at the beginning of this year. They’d found some microscopic traces of blood in my urine and I had to go get this freakin’ CAMERA slid up my urethra all the way into my bladder! Urination was not fun for about two days, let me tell you…
I recommend keeping rubbing alcohol away from your wee-wee. As interesting and cool as it may feel on other parts of your body, it really doesn’t belong there.
Just trust me.
SnipaWolf, welcome to the Straight Dope Message Boards. I’m going to suggest that you might want to acquaint yourself with our forums by reading the various descriptions here. The forum where you posted this is devoted to arts and entertainment, and while I suppose there is some argument for “entertainment” in hearing about the pains of others, it’s not really what we’re about.
Hence, I’m moving this to IMHO.
No harm, no foul, you’ll just get more responses in the appropriate forum.
Circumcision as a newborn. I didn’t walk for a year…
<SNL era Billy Crystal ([sub] I think [/sub])>
Sometimes I take one of those…
Meat thermometers?
Yeah! And I just Jam it in my ear…
</SeBC>
I had a really bad experience with vasectomy. Ineffective anaesthetic, difficult recovery and a life-threatening infection. Not nice.
TMI, as a very stupid teen, jerking off with shampoo (!) and having my entire weiner turn bright red with a constant mild burning sensation that required a cold washcloth wrapped around it, eventually resutling in massive peeling like a snake.
Frenum piercing.
Playing baseball when I was 15 or so - playing second base, I took a pickoff throw from our catcher that short hopped under my glove and nailed the boys.
Called time out, turned into the outfield grass there behind the base, puked and laid down.
Ow.
The only bad part about the vasectomy was after the doc was done, he appeared to be ‘massaging’ the package. I couldn’t feel it, still being under the local. The next day, it felt like the stones had been in a food processor.
Ow.
Wrecked my bicycle as a lad and fell down onto the crossbar.
Similarly, in second grade I was messing around on some monkey bars and fell down astraddle a metal bar.
Both incidents are tattoed into my memory with a rusty needle.
Oh yes, and as Morrissey once described it, the pain really was “enough to make a shy bald Buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder.”