Eeek. The worst I’ve ever have happen at a gas station is, buying cigarettes for a coworker, (I do NOT smoke), the Indian guy at the counter (I’m Indian), says:
“Good Indian girls don’t smoke.”
I just looked at him, baffled, before I said, “They’re not for me.” To this day I wish I’d lit one up, asked for a Hustler, and put a case of beer on the counter as well.
I would love that. My response would be, “Yes, yes I have. I mean did. I had accepted Christ and then gave Christianity the same heave-ho that I give all religions now, except maybe Universism, but that is beside the point. I now worship at the altar of ‘Whatever makes me happy.’ Have you been saved by, ‘Personal responsibility and persuit of happiness?’”
Currently I am under fire from my Mennonite parents for my responsibility in bringing to doom and destruction the souls of my wife and my kids. Even when I question my daughter’s atheistic statements with pro-christian challenges, but only in a devil’s advocate sense. I have a hard time keeping the face straight spewing the Evangelical crap from my youth and early adulthood.
My GF and I changed planes at Phoenix’ Skyharbor airport a few years back. The skycap who schlepped our luggage from one terminal to the other kept up a non-stop monologue on his recent conversion to hard-core Christianity. I’m pretty neutral on religion and the GF is a card-carrying agnostic. After we flew out we decided what we should have said to him was “You are such a fine young man! We will be sure to tell Mr Satan about you at our next black mass.”
Have you accepted **Askance **as your Personal Pedant?
OhFace, you shoulda asked the guy why he was working on the Sabbath.
I think “Does it mean Jesus?” is going to be my new personal catchphrase.
Years ago when I tutored in the history department for a bit of spending cash, I spent some time working with a girl who needed help in a Western Civ survey class. She was ok the first session or so, but right in the middle of one of my explanations, she suddenly leaned across the table and took my hand, and asked ‘What is your relationship with Our Lord Jesus Christ?’
I was stymied, but managed to stammer that we could talk about it after the lesson in our free time – and then fled.
When I told my supervising professor about it, and asked what to say in future, he said I ought to have answered, ‘Carnal, of course!’
V8 makes an excellent soup base. I like to add diced celery, carrots, potatoes, onions, and maybe some other vegetables (if they’re just lying around doing nothing else), a pat of butter, and vegetable ‘Better than Bouillon’. Just keep it simmering for a couple hours, adding water if necessary to keep it a little watery. Add some alphabet noodles just before you want it done, and when the noodles are done, you have wonderful soup.
Terrorized by Christian fundies? Pfft. Amateurs. My family is Jewish. :rolleyes:
Hell? No, I’m not afraid of Hell. But let me tell you the perils of lack of Slack of False Slack, of the merchants of lies who will suck the very joy out of your life while… hey, come back here, I accept donations!
Yup. I was at the mall tonight with my daughter, and she dragged me into Hollister. I HATE that place because of the dark, cave-like atmosphere, but more so because of the extremely loud music. She picked out her clothes, I paid, and then hustled out of there as quickly as possible. There were several moms waiting outside for the same reason - too freakin’ loud in there.
Normal so far, right? As we left I smiled sympathetically at one of the moms and she commented that she hated the music in there. I was just about to agree when she said “That music teaches our children to worship Satan, doesn’t it” 
Weird. Also strange was the fact that she was waiting for her daughter (a Satan worshipper, I presume?) to finish shopping.
To which you say, "No, I teach my daughter to worship Satan, the music just makes it harder.
The only good answer to any proselytizer is to act interested and ask them which flavor they believe in.
Then in a conversational tone say something like “Aaaah, the first ones to roast in hell. Actually, you know, my beliefs require that we seek out and rituually sacrifice everyone who beleives as you do. Are you free to come to our meeting on Saturday?”
That’ll usually shut 'em right up.
I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s a “notify the management” offense. Not that there’s anything illegal about what he did (that I know of), but it would certainly make me thing twice about ever shopping there again, and I’m sure that management would be concerned about anything that drives customers away.
JOhn.
I have now. :smack:
Note to self: don’t change word choice midway through typing.
“Well, they gotta learn somewhere.”
And I have accepted catchphrases as my own personal Jesus.
“Know what I mean, Vern?”
While I can’t find the thread (Summer of 2003, I think), there is a perfect pick-up line from this board, that I’ve used in this same situation more than once.
“I can tell by the look in your eyes that you’re wondering what my cum tastes like.”
Their reaction when you can say this with a straight face makes it more than worth the practice required to do so. And (in my opinion) getting assaulted for saying it at parties is its own reward.
So I’d think that Flanders would approve, but Apu would be pretty mad at his employee!
I’m shocked & appalled no one got here before me.
Heh heh. That would be a good one to use on the wacky campus preacher. I bet it would make his head all 'splodey.