“97 virgins on the wall, 97 virgins . . . ”

[Tygr]

*Originally posted by Eve *
**—[blushing prettily] **

Like you could blush any other way…

*Originally posted by Jodi *
**Here’s my question:

I can see why virginity was formerly valued – the whole “knowing the children are yours and not some other guy’s” thing. But I don’t see the value of it in Heaven. It seems like these guys look forward to being Cherry Poppin’ Daddies just for the experience of well, poppin’ cherries.

But really, where’s the fun in that? Is there some fabulous extra pleasure to be derived from being the first train into the tunnel, so to speak? Because I can’t see that there would be, but as a woman, what do I know about that? As a woman, what I do know is that for many the “first time” is not an experience of transcendent pleasure. If you were a guy contemplating heaven, wouldn’t you want 72 experienced women who really knew what they were doing? **

I’m going to try to offer up a possible answer. Just bear in mind that I have very little experience with virgins, seeing as the only time I was with one I was a virgin myself and really had no idea what I was doing.

I think virginity is prized because it is an ideal - a woman who has never known the touch of a man and is “unspoiled” and innocent. The opportuntiy to be the first to touch her inside, where she’s never been touched, is quite appealing to men. So yes, being “the first train in the tunnel” (I love that expression…) is preferred, just for the experience of being the first. The whole “boldly go” thing.

Also, I expect, there is a perception (right or wrong) that virgins are “tighter”, and therefore more pleasant-feeling. A man knows that she hasn’t been, er… stretched out by other men before him.

[arara123]

*Originally posted by Ethilrist *
**So whaddaya have to do to get just one virgin? Just curious. **

Prank-call President Bush.

(Didn’t you get Osama’s latest message - the one where he lists out the what you have to do to get X number of virgins?

To get the full 72 you still have to be a martyr, but owing to the dearth of people smart enough to fly an airplane but stupid enough to fly it into a building you can now be assured of a reduced number of virgins by commiting lesser blows against the “Great Satan.”)

[Padeye]

*Originally posted by Jodi *
It seems like these guys look forward to being Cherry Poppin’ Daddies just for the experience of well, poppin’ cherries.

I seriously doubt that these guys are into swing

[Redboss]

Going by my experiences with women, this is how I would fare as a Bizarro Muslim martyr.

Scene: left over set from “Abbott and Costello in Morocco” with peeling paint on faux-marble pillars, and cracks in the giant urns. 97 (or in the non-colourised version, 72) virgins are lounging, giggling, shouting, having pillow fights.

Enter Redboss. Room immediately goes silent.

REDBOSS: Hi everybody!

Silence.

A PLUMP VIRGIN WITH GLASSES TOWARDS THE BACK: 'Lo.

Silence.

REDBOSS: So, anybody want to come and hang out with me?

Virgins all look at each other sideways and then at the cushions on which they’re sitting.

REDBOSS: I’ve got some good videos and a tub of mint chocolate chip icecream…? You know, the kind of icecream virgins like…?

A BOLD BRUNETTE VIRGIN NEAR THE FRONT: We’re not on today.

REDBOSS: Oh. Oh, of course. Does that mean… Oh. Okay.(pause) Should I come back tomorrow?

BRUNETTE VIRGIN: Suit yourself.

REDBOSS: Oh, Good then…

Hum of conversation rises again.

REDBOSS: (raising voice to be heard) Well, see you later. (pause) I am a martyr, you know.

There is no reply, except for a quickly-stifled peal of laughter from three virgins at one side, near the exit.
Redboss leaves. Pillow-fighting and girlish laughter resumes. Slow fade to black.

Redboss

[kniz]

*Originally posted by Rysdad *
**Did it say that they’d be muslim virgins?

It would be fitting punishment for a terrorist to end up with 97 Jewish virgins.**

This and the terrorist isn’t circumsised.

Also what if the terrorist is gay. Does he get a pick on gender?

[matt_mcl]

*Originally posted by kniz *
This and the terrorist isn’t circumsised.
**

I’m reasonably certain that Muslims tend to be circumcised, kniz, even weirdo creepy terrorist fanatical ones.

(Insert your own JDT joke, I have to go to school.)

[Esprix]

I’m thinking he’ll get his 97 virgins, 'cept they’ll all be guys.

If there is a God, that is.

Esprix

[HomeSlice]

Whats wrong with male vigins?

[Esprix]

Nothing, but if you only like girl virgins…

Esprix

[Fretful_Porpentine]

To get the full 72 you still have to be a martyr, but owing to the dearth of people smart enough to fly an airplane but stupid enough to fly it into a building you can now be assured of a reduced number of virgins by commiting lesser blows against the “Great Satan.”

Does that mean flying a plane into a building is considered “extra virgin Allah toil”?

(I’m sorry. Satan made me post that.)