And of course y’all heard this one. The world’s best chess players were at a tournament. They hung out in the hallway, bragging to each other about their recent victories. Suddenly, the hotel manager told them to leave. When asked why, he replied: “I hate chess nuts boasting by an open foyer.”
Ghandi never wore shoes, and built up a tremendous amount of dead skin on the soles of his feet. He also followed a very rigid and limited vegetarian diet, which left him very thin and with a chronic case of bad breath. All of which made him…
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(ahem) a super calloused fagile mystic vexed by halitosis.
Then there’s the unsuccessful art thief in Paris who got caught during his getaway.
He didn’t have the Monet to buy DeGas to make his Van Gogh!
I heard this on NPR years ago, spoken by an English author of some sort. The show was My Word or Says You. It helps to keep in mind some of the British pronunciation characteristics, especially not pronouncing r at the ends of words. I paraphrase:
"It was during my youth, and I had a crush on this neighborhood girl. But her family lived on a large estate, and we were working class, so I thought I was too low-class for her. But at length I got up the nerve to ask her for a date. She replied, ‘You and your whole family are nothing more than common slobs’. Yet, seeming to have a change of heart, she invited me to tea at her house next Saturday.
"Saturday arrived and I went to her house. She met me at the front door and immediately took me to a side room and said, ‘We’re nudists here; we never wear clothes at home if we can avoid it, and insist that all our guests do likewise. You need to take off your clothes, and then meet us in the garden.’ So I complied, then walked out to the garden in the altogether. I found everyone else clothed, with expressions on their faces ranging from shock to ribald laughter. Her father strode over and said, ‘What kind of imbecile are you?’, and nearly chased me off the place without giving me a chance to put my clothes back on. And the moral is,
Never undress to meet the Pa of a woman!"
In other topical news, did ya hear about the circus fire?
It was in-tents.