Goddamned mother fucking ass-sniffing turd burglers! Cunt-stealing cat-humping scrotum-stretching cork-sucker! Multiple-hyphenating shit-guzzlers! Bathtub-ring-licking obligatory goat-felching cockroach-loving intestinal seepage! Ostrich-molesting cheese mold! Smegma gobbler! Last-Ho-Ho-eating AOL-using hypocritical cancer of the rectum! SPAM-carving jello-jiggling vile ingester of liquidified kittens! Church-burning soulless licker of thine own anus! Arrogant fucker of innocent alpacas! Frothy discharge of an infected donkey’s love snake! Brown crunchy french fry in the happy meal of life! Nipple-removing physical lover of your own waste! Circus-peanut-eating remote-control-stealing spreader of vile ignorance! Shatner-like-actor of melodramatic TV miniseries! Work-related-instructional-video-producer! You smell of pungent and ripe cheeses of many nations! Car-door-slamming radio-blaring no-tipping sons and daughters of wretched capitalist pig-dogs! Communist pinko leftist tree hugger! Vegetable-raping privacy-invading Pauly Shore fan! Thou art the whore of Babylon! Telemarketing used-car-dealing snake-oil-peddling clump of matted pubic hair! Popmous boy-band-singing earwax-eating grower of silly mustaches! Knavish rapscallion! Thou indecent strumpet of ill-repute! Bad-hair-peice-wearing poor-spelling unholy cross between an Umpalumpa and a Wookie!
[This has been a test of the Emergency Insult System. This was only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, the rant you just heard would have been directed against someone or something.]
Wow, that was a work of art, but I have to take a few marks off for the continuity of it.
I feel, that it would be more (aesthetically) shocking if it would to build in schockingness as it neared the end, rather than holding the same tone all the way through.
Still, for a general rant with no target, I’d have to give it a 8.5 just for the artsy effort!
I was shocked to learn that he was an ostrich molester. I was dismayed when I found out he used AOL and liked circus peanuts. But when I found out he was a Pauly Shore fan, I had to call it off.
Beautiful, BlackKnight, I think you’ve got just about everybody covered.
I agree. The OP is only half as long as I originally planned; it was going to continue and build to a crescendo and end with some mega-ultra-wowza-insult (possibly involving comparison to Rosie O’Donnell). What happened was that I suddenly realized I had an essay due at 8 the next morning, so I had to cut things short.
I think we can work out some sort of arrangement.
Same way you steal a base. Tie goes to the runner.
My goodness, that was beautiful, and quite funny, too. I was wondering if I could use them sometime on people in real life that bug me to no end. (like my sister, but she’ll probably run and tell Mommy I was being mean to her :rolleyes: )
