Why?
If he forgave her, wouldn’t he just say so?
Hard to tell. Its a mountain resort which is an hour from my place and around 3 from their city. It was a Monday morning when I saw her in one of the cafes after I arrived. I was taking a walk in the grounds say half an hour later, when I went into a secluded spot and saw them, I was about a foot away when I realised what and who was up, there was no chance for any ambiguity. Before I went into the hall for the conference is when she came to see me. Must have left before lunch. So its possible she was there for a weekend trip? Or maybe I ruined a day trip for her. Maybe she just came for a day and met up…who knows. There were not many people there, its the off season.
[QUOTE=yellowjacketcoder]
My thought is that if they’re close enough that the OP knows what his coworker’s wife looks like, and close enough that the wife has OP’s cell number, they’re close enough to be considered friends. Even if OP is downplaying the relationship
[/QUOTE]
C and me? Maybe, we know each other quite well professionally, but any socialising we have done has all flowed from that. Her? I have met her about a dozen times over the years. Having her number is no biggie, at the old Chambers we had the cell numbers of everyone’s family and or SO’s. I don’t think she has called me for years, the number is saved under “W, C’s GF”, which is what she then was.
[QUOTE=Alessan]
Bear in mind that if she goes to him and confesses, and he forgives her, and then you tell him, then you’ll be the bad guy as far as they’re concerned.
[/QUOTE]
Problem is, whatever I do or don’t do has a very high probability of making me into the bad guy. Right now? Do nothing.
[QUOTE=chargerrich]
OK I will ask if no one else will…
Is she hot?
[/QUOTE]
Very.
Because you’ll be the guy trying to sabotage their marriage.
It’s not logical, I know, but that’s how people’s minds work. You’ll be the asshole who betrayed his wife and is trying to break them apart.
The op reminds me of my next door neighbor. She has a nice toned body and seems to be horny all times. She is a housewife with 2 yr old daughter, old in-laws and the husband who leaves for office at 9am and doesn’t come back home till 10pm. She is extra friendly with even the household workers in my neighborhood. The days I am alone(sometimes when not alone also) at home she rings the door bell for some arbitrary reason like asking for copying songs that I’ve been listening(music I play is sometimes audible in her house also) to her pen drive, asking for painting brush, help lifting/shifting some stuff in her house etc. I am sort of ignoring her and have a feeling that if I give her any lift I will end up having sex with her.
“A colleague regrets to inform you, they saw your wife passionately kissing another man. Man code says tell, so you’re being told. Discretion says share with no one else, i give you my word. Wisdom says stay out of the rest of it. I promise. You’ve been informed because the observer would want to be told, were the situation reversed. Sorry to bear such Sad news, hoping you can understand the motivation to tell was not ill intended” sign it, ‘a friend’.
Anonymous note, in envelop, left on his car just before days end. Less likely to raise a stink in office, plus overnight to become more circumspect.
Say something directly, or say nothing at all. Don’t send an anonymous email/whatever.
I’m not sure what I’d do in your position. I know that if my colleague knew my spouse was cheating on me, I would want my colleague to tell me, but to leave it at that, not pester me for more information, updates, etc.
I’ve had a somewhat related scenario at an old workplace - a coworker was talking about some problems with her marriage and mentioned that her husband was always ‘upstairs on the computer’. I asked her if she knew what he was actually doing on the computer. She investigated and discovered he was having an affair and planning on leave the country to be with the new woman. They tried to work it out but eventually divorced.
There was no animosity between her and me, if anything, it bought us closer together. However, when I raised it on this board, the response I got was that I had done completely the wrong thing.
Have the wife give you a dollar for legal advice then you can’t say anything due to client-attorney privilege. Easy-peasy you are in the clear.
The only reason I would say anything is because the wife might bring home a STD from her fun and games.
Not just in Soviet Russia, but even here in the States, married women do you.
Just sayin’. Poor guy she’s slobbering on might be helpless in the face her feminine wiles.
Tell on her. I wonder if most of the “MYOB” crowd is cheating (or would like to).
It was a Monday morning when you saw her, and you don’t know if it she’s sleeping with the guy or was just snogging? Nor if it was a one-off thing or ongoing?
Snogging a guy on a Monday morning is evidence they sleep together regularly, beyond a reasonable doubt.
I like this. I would want to be told if my husband were cheating on me, but I think I’d be more comfortable finding out via a note like the above than face to face, where I’d have to react in some way, and then my devastation would be complicated by having to deal with the social interaction aspect.
This is what I was thinking. Normally I’d say butt out, but this fellow’s health could be on the line. Maybe speak to Whirlinda when she calls again? I dunno, but I’d think Cobra Commander should have the choice regarding his life and stuff.
Wut?
Seriously? You see no other reasons for people giving those suggestions.
Nope
If it were a close friend I’d tell, if I was asked I would tell, but I’m not getting involved otherwise.
If I were being cheated on I’d want to know but if it was from someone I didn’t know well and I had to choose between believing them or my spouse… who knows.
Several times I have had people tell me that different bf’s were cheating on me
much to my amusement because
one guy- we were friends and he couldn’t be cheating on me - turned out to be some woman who liked him but he didn’t like her. He gave her a ride one night she found my number in his car.
I should have told her I was his wife and pregnant with our 5th child but I was nice and told her the truth.
another time it wasn’t exclusive so when the woman told me ‘my man’ was cheating on me I had to ask her which one? She never did answer, so I didn’t know who to yell at for being careless with my phone number.
another time it was his ex trying to break us up
So unless I know the person really well I’d be inclined not to believe them over my SO unless I had a good reason to suspect something was going on. Or I’d take it as a head’s up and do some checking.
If it’s a good friend telling me I figure they are looking out for me, anybody else and I would question their motive.
Also, in life I have found that whenever you tell people something they don’t want to hear, even when it is something they should know, they never forgive you for it. They are embarrassed that you know something they didn’t know and in the future you are a reminder of that painful time.
My worry for the OP is that since Wilma knows that he knows, she is already forearmed with that knowledge and may try to turn it around on him if he tells Chuck what he saw. For instance, she may accuse the OP of hitting on her and making up the story as revenge for her rejection of him.
Leaving an anonymous note is an ultra-pussy move. Either it’s your business or it isn’t. So either be a man and rat out his wife like a man and take the consequences like a man, or shut the fuck up.
My first instinct would be to tell the guy.
But why does the information you give have to be completely intimate?
My advice: find a business-related excuse to call him, and mention “Hey yeah!, Chuck, I happened to run into Wilma at the conference at the secluded mountain resort on Monday morning! What was SHE doing up there???”
If Chuck prods you further, then be forthcoming and truthful about what exactly you witnessed.
Do you really owe this cheating woman anything?
And let’s be serious, letting Chuck know what his whore wife is up to is highly unlikely to affect your life in any meaningful way. Except to know that you didn’t just look the other way when someone was obviously doing something morally wrong.
I mean, who cares about morals, right? Mind your own business is a little weak, for my tastes.
Are you kidding? Talk about burying the lead.
C: “What was SHE doing up there?”
U: “Oh, cheating on you. Didn’t I mention that?”
I agree totally with this^ If my gf was caught cheating, I’d want to know.
Think about the possible outcomes of doing nothing and how likely they are:
-
She is filled with regret and immediately terminates her affair, never does it again, and her and her husband live happily ever after until they die.
-
She continues this affair and has others throughout the marriage. Years later the husband finds out. He is filled with regret for the years he wasted being married. He feels like a fool when he finds out how many people knew about him being a cuckold.
There’s about a 0% of scenario #1 happening. Scenario #2 is much, much more likely. Read the infidelity boards on the marriage sites. Many times the affair is like a drug addiction, and it’s just as hard to get them to give it up. Many times there are several false recoveries where the cheater resumes the affair.
Cheating is an extremely strong moral failing. It doesn’t matter what is going on in the marriage, cheating is never okay. Divorce is okay, cheating is not. Maybe a single drunken one-night stand can be explained. But meeting at a far-away resort takes planning and indicates someone who will continue to do this. He deserves to know the truth about his wife so he can move forward–either through recovery or divorce.