First things first, I do not want people to get the wrong idea from my question. I’m not trying to start some great debate or add to one, if one like this exists.
There are many people that I love in my life and I can not live without because they have made themselves essential to my mental well being and to an extent my existence. I’ve had relations with one or two but those were rare occurances. I would assume this makes me “polyamorous” even though I am not maintaining multiple, intimate relationships at one time. When I do ask some people about polyamory they tell me that I’m not polyamorous. I love many people.
But something about the way folks seem to describe polyamory makes it come across as something different.
What differentiates polyamorists from, to put it gently, libertines? What is it that sets my polyamory, as described above, apart from their polyamory?
Just like “being” goth, or “being” punk, or “being” a surfer dude, or even “being” homosexual “being” poly is subject to the Subculture Police.
These are the members of any subculture who know all of the buzzwords. The ones who get all of the in jokes and usually who define themselves only in terms of the subculture. These are also the ones who amuse themselves by sitting around and trying to figure out what constitutes a “real” member of the subgroup.
As an example I was talking to a lady who is bisexual and was attending an event intended for women who like women. She was having a nice talk to a bunch of other women in attendance when she happened to mention that she was currently in a relationship with a man. The rest of the group got mad and stomped off after telling her she was just confused and would stop liking men when she got herself straightened out.
There is a post going on over in “Cafe Society” about what constitues a “real” goth. One poster was talking about how upset they get when they see somebody dressing like a “real” goth who isn’t a “real” goth.
And of course both of these people who are offended at the interloper have a set of criteria in their heads about what makes you a “real” member of their sub-group and what makes you a pretender.
That said it sounds like you meet the definition of someone who is comfortable loving more than one person at a time. As opposed to monogamy where you are only capable of loving one “significant other” at a time. Therefore I would say you are polyamorous.
You didn’t ask but from reading your post I would also suggest that you find a way to be more self sufficient. You made it sound like if one of these people you love left or died that you might just not want to keep living yourself. That is a major league bad icky thing. If I misread I appologize.
Oh, and the difference between being poly and being two-timing is just full disclosure to all involved. Man who sees two women and keeps each a secret from the other is a jerk. A man who sees two women who are aware of both relationships is poly. The other difference is that poly is usually defined as involving ongoing relationships. It does not cover sleeping with a whole lot of people that you never see again.
Hope this helps.