Well, it could be that he’s doing things he sees as thoughtful that just aren’t registering with you. Like Telperien’s example of the friend’s hubby who always makes sure she doesn’t run out of gas.
My husband does lots of thoughtful stuff, it’s just not the same stuff I would think of. For instance, once when he was away for a couple of weeks, he brought me back coupons out of the Sunday paper. Not just all the coupon sections, either. He seriously thought about which coupons I’d be likely to use, and then clipped them for me. This was thoughtful because I like coupons, and he had to think about it while he was doing it. Another example is he buys me steak. Now, that may not seem romantic. But in his “love language”, it is. I need a high-protein diet. There’s a brand of steak at our local market that I love, but it’s very pricey. Most times when he’s there, he’ll pop by the meat case and see if any of my favorite steak is marked down, and if it is, he buys it and surprises me with it. Again, it ain’t flowers. But it shows he was thinking of me. And that’s romance.
If I want candle light and all that stuff, I have to be the one to initiate it. But he willingly plays along, because he knows I like it. That’s okay. Again, it’s a win-win situation.
Ah! For that, you have to talk to each other about it. Ask him if he were to do something kind and loving for you, what would that be? Not your idea of it, but his–what he considers to be a loving gesture, and tell him yours.
Heh, I’m cracking up at norinew’s “Look at these beautiful flowers you bought me! Thank you!”
Spontaneous hugs, kisses, and such are good too. Give him those just for the hell of it throughout the day if you don’t already.
Well, you know, this is a subject where I’ve taken a hint from my hubby. As an engineer, he’s very results-oriented. In the world of IT, how you get to point B from point A isn’t as important as actually getting there, and on deadline! So, I figured I can sit home seething because I want flowers and he never brings me any (that’s not quite fair; he has brought me flowers three or four times), or I can buy them myself and have flowers! I like the second choice better, and it makes for a happier marriage!
