What do I say, and how do I keep from feeling like an idiot when I’m saying it?
I’m shy and self-conscious. Sometimes I think I’m moaning too loud; he assures me that’s not the case. He wants to know that he’s hitting the right spot and what he’s doing to me feels good.
I want to make him happy, but I don’t know how to make myself comfortable with talking. I don’t even know what to say. “Don’t stop?” “Yes, right there?”
I know this thread is begging for comedic responses, which is fine, but I’m hoping for a few serious ones, too.
Well, if its uncomfortable with talking, study a few bad porn videos. Then when you do have sex, make it soo fake and unconvincing that he’ll ask you to stop. Problem solved.
Practice. You may feel like an idiot at first, but eventually that will go away.
Women can be tough to please, and some indication from the woman that we’re pleasing you is generally necessary. The fact that your boyfriend wants feedback to know he’s doing a decent job is good indication he cares about your pleasure in addition to his own.
It’s not so much what you say, but the enthusiasm with which the line is delivered. What initially feels stupid to say is going to sound mighty hot to him.
It sounds like he really cares about you, and wants to make sure you’re enjoying yourself as much as he is. So what he needs from you is honest feedback, both positive and negative. If you’re worried about “moaning too loud,” you’re being too self-conscious.
The danger is that too much porn-star talk will lead him to do it every damned time and you won’t know how to tell him that, you know, sometimes we can be quiet?
Alan: Let battle commence! Do you like me doing that? Shall I do it more quickly or shall I maintain the same speed? Jill: That’s fine. Alan: Right. Shall I move on to the other one? Oh, that’s lovely. That’s first class. That is superb. Ooh, there you go, it’s all happening! Jill I’m afraid I have no sheaths. Jill: No what? Alan: Sheaths, er, prophylactics, you know, rubber johnnies. Actually, being your age and everything there’s probably no need for them. I’m talking about the menopau – whoooo! Jill, you know your onions! Do you mind if I talk? It helps me keep the… wolf from the door, so to speak. Jill, what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich town centre? I’ll be honest I’m dead against it. People forget that traders need access to Dixons! They do say it’ll help people in wheeeeelchairs…
I prefer keeping the talk at a minimum. A few moans & groans from my lady lets me know I’m working on the right areas.
Words sound too fake and porn starish. IMO
I learned long ago that listening closely to breathing is a good clue when something is working. That little sharp intake of air means you’re doing it right.
Start simple - “that feels good” when something feels good, or “I love it when you <insert activity you love>”.
Does he talk during sex? If so, try responding to what he is saying, as if he’s asking you a question. If not, ask him to start, too, it’ll make you feel less self concious.
Start things off with something nice from List A, grab 1-3 adjectives from List B, next up List C, grab a couple more adjectives from List D, then finish it off with something from List D.
Generate a few of these before things get too hot and heavy so you’re not loading up the SDMB while you’re in the middle of getting tapped, and then write them on your hand for easy reference. Results 100% guaranteed! (Not recommended for use while fellating.)
A.
Fuck my
Do my
Bang my
Pound my
Ram my
Rub my
Split my
Slap my
B.
Tight
Dirty
Little
Wet
Hot
Juicy
Fucking
Naughty
Hairy
Bald
Neatly trimmed
C.
Pussy with your
Hole with your
Twat with your
Lips with your
Poonanny with your
Baby maker with your
D.
Big
Throbbing
Fucking
Hard
Sexy
Hot
Filthy
Veiny
Bad
Fat
Phat
E.
Cock
Dick
Love hammer
Member
Weenie
That’s a good start, actually.
Of course I can’t be sure exactly what your boyfriend wants, but I’m sure it needn’t be award-winning erotic literature or even complete sentences.
Something like “Ooh, that feels good” (if it does), or “yeah, that’s it” can go a long way in helping keep a guy stimulated, as well as training him in regard to what you like.
You don’t need to write talking points on your hand or anything; just maybe try not to filter your thoughts so much. I totally get being shy in general, but I would have to hope that a guy you’re having sex with is somebody you could also work on being less shy around.
Having said all that, don’t force yourself to act in a way you’re not comfortable with, and don’t let your boyfriend bully you into anything you don’t want to do. I don’t know how long you’ve been together or how serious your relationship is, but sexual compatibility is important in the long term, and you should definitely talk about it if you’re not both on the same page in bed.
Do you like what he’s doing? If so, then say things like, “That feels good,” or “I like that.” You can flatter him by saying something like “You’re so good at this!” and something like “You feel so big” or “You fill me up” is usually well received. Of course if he’s doing something you don’t like, you can offer instruction, like “slow down” or “move up”. “Harder!” is a classic.
“I’m going to think of this next time I play with myself,” is pretty sexy. Tell him you want to see him come, or that you want to taste it (if you do) or that you want him to put it on you in a certain place. Announce that you’re about to orgasm, or say “I’m going to come if you keep doing that! I won’t be able to help it!” That’s pretty hot.
Start off with some of those, and work up to bigger things. You can hold him down and whisper what you plan on doing to him before you do it, but that might make you feel shy right now. Also, I’m not sure how much I’m allowed to describe before I get in trouble with the mods.
At first you’ll feel silly, but when you see how much he likes it, I bet you start to feel more comfortable.
Well, feedback is a good place to start. ‘I like that’, ‘Do that again’, ‘Harder’, ‘Softly’, ‘Faster’, ‘Slower’, or even just ‘More’ are good. If you like it, tell him. If you wish he’d do that one thing longer, or not squeeze quite as hard, or whatever, then make sure he knows. If you don’t let him know somehow, he’s just going to keep on doing that way. You’ll enjoy it more, and he’ll feel better knowing that you’re enjoying it. Try to keep it positive. Encourage him to do something rather than make him stop doing something. Sex is just like any other thing you do life, feedback helps, and the right feedback can help even more.
Once you can take it up a notch, be explicit. Tell him exactly what you feel, what you want. Don’t just say ‘Faster’, say ‘Lick my clit faster’. If you want to go down on him, tell him. Don’t just say ‘Lie down’. Say ‘Lie down cuz I’m going to suck your dick’. It’s a way of showing that you’re into it, that you’re enjoying it.
You might feel a bit silly at first, but practice is the key. Keep doing it and it will become normal. It just a matter of taking it a bit further each time. You want to be comfortable saying these things. Let’s face it, when you’re actually naked and having sex is a good time to talk about sex.
I had a gf in college who couldn’t talk dirty. She couldn’t say penis or dick or anything, even when said penis was looking her in the eye. I made her say it if she wanted something. She wants me to kiss her? Kiss what? She wants me to lick something? Lick what? Lick where? She clearly felt it, but it took effort to express it. After while she was able to express easier. One of the last time we had sex she came up behind me, wrapped her arms around me and said ‘Wanna make a deposit in my sperm bank?’. She could never have said something like that when we first met.
Oh, another thing is that blindfolds can help. If you want to be assertive, blindfold him. Or ask him to blindfold you before you start, if you want to be the “recipient”. Not having to look someone in the eye can really help you feel less shy. Plus, blindfolds are just sexy.