The following post is kind of a shout-it-from the rooftops, make it public so it’s real kind of thing. Feel free to ignore it, or make declarations of your own if you’d like
It’s not my fault.
And I refuse to believe that it is anymore. I refuse to close myself off from the world, afraid to get close to anyone because closeness means sharing and I’m too ashamed to say what’s really going on in my life. Why should I be ashamed? Why did I believe that because bad things were being done to me that I must be a bad person and deserve it? I would never judge a friend the way I judged myself.
It’s over, I’m tired.
I’m tired of lying to protect you, of covering up how bad it is so nobody knows who you really are. You were never grateful and now it’s come back to bite me in the as because nobody can understand how I can leave the husband I’d loved and supported. You took advantage of my loyalty and still made me feel like I didn’t love you enough.
And now that I have friends who support me, you tell me it’s not real? That no sane person could see things from my point of view? Listen up: There is nothing wrong with the way I am and there are people out there smart enough to see that and appreciate me.
This is it.
I’m done covering for you. If you touch me again, I will call the police. I won’t lie for you ever again.
You always said I was dependant on you, but I think perhaps you’re the one who needed me more. What are you going to do now that you don’t have me to hide behind?
I’m going to go and live my life now. I’m going to love, and dammit let people love me back.
Goodbye, and believe it or not, I wish you well as I always have. It’s just now I dare wish good things for myself as well.
Tater, you are one hell of a brave lady. Go out in the world, grab life by the throat and find the happiness that I’m sure awaits you. You deserve it so richly.
Thanks Snormy, Bethie and Euty. I DO feel a hell of a lot better now.
And a bit like smacking myself for being so stupid for so long, but what the hey, we all screw up.
Euty, everyone does have that kind of courage. I didn’t think I did, but one day and I don’t know why I finally started listening to what people were telling me. And as I started to let people in, and let people love me, my strength grew.
I couldn’t have done it without my friends, esp. mo chroi who means everything to me.
Even I can sense this is more than a Gloria Gaynor moment…
Walking out from the shadows means many things but perhaps most important is what you have to necessarily carry with you: Personal courage and conviction. Be proud, Taters.
Awwwww…you guys are the greatest. Really, it’s not that big a deal. Well for me it is, but it’s kind of like congratulating yourself on taking care of your kids…You’re supposed to do that shit. Now if you hadn’t and all of a sudden start, you deserve a bit of positive reinforcment, but you by no means all of a sudden rock. I’m just doing what I should have been all along.
(Yeah, and I know I stole that from Chris Rock; he can go ahead and sue me for half my pitiful divorce settlement.)
More than a Gloria Gaynor moment?? Can such a thing exist? Could I dare hope that my little triumph dares compare, much less surpass, Miss Gaynor’s?
LC you sure know how to make a Bonkers Bird feel special.
Oh! How you do wound me in my hour of need, CheesyPoof! Did I not send you a companion to take the edge off your carnal needs? Do I not sit here in Heidelberg each day doing my part to ensure your continued liberation? And this is how you repay me?
My only comfort is, that no matter how old I am, you’re even older and unlike me, you don’t have Asian-anti-aging genes. So Pah! Pah on you!
Hey Bonkers – Don’t worry too much about Coldie. If you didn’t catch this in a previous thread, just ask ‘someone’ in or near Dublin to tape a show called ‘Trigger Happy’ for you (Channel 4 9.30pm Fridays). Honestly, it’s the funniest thing…the spitting image Dutchman provides enough ammunition to fire at Coldie for many a boozy evening!
BTW Coldie, your English is genuinely exceptional – spoken like a native - but this is just too good to ignore.
tater, I’m so proud to have you as a friend. You have a heart the size of the universe and it deserves to be filled only with love and happiness. And I’m elated that you’ve discovered how truly deserving you are and are letting yourself feel that happiness, finally.
It matters not what others think, only that you know in your heart that you’re doing what’s best for yourself and your child. And you are, trust that.
The world is your oyster - go out and savor it. And know you have people in your life who love you and on whom you can always rely. We love you to pieces and want only the best for you. Keep us close in your heart and you’ll never feel alone.
So who is he to judge what is sane? Sounds like an attempt to get you back under his control. I’m glad you didn’t fall for it, and are beginning to value yourself as others do.
