I would’ve said, “Oh, look who thinks he’s Harry Dresden.” 
Like I said, posers take things backwards to a painful extreme.
-Telling everybody to call them by some painfully hokey nickname as though everybody already calls them by the name. Nobody plays along, they don’t get the hint.
-Replacing a personality with some gimmick hobby. It’s perfectly normal to try to develop hobbies if you’re bored and lonely but doing it solely for attention vs doing it for fun is kind of sad.
-Njtt mentioned the “agony aunt” and I agree that a lot of well meaning advice can backfire. Even stuff like “get a dog” can get taken badly if you end up being “that guy with the dog that stands around awkwardly at parks”. Nothing wrong with getting a dog, but I sincerely hope it’s due to wanting a canine companion vs thinking its going to be a 4-legged panty-dropper.
-Posers will struggle to resist the urge to insert their replacement for a personality in conversations. People that just have a hobby may be enthusiastic to talk with like minded people, but are self aware enough not to blather on about it. But posers want everyone to know.
That’s not the point though; if you read the original line, it’s:
The meat of the statement is in the part reading “make themselves SEEM”.
It’s one thing if a lonely and/or boring person does things and is perceived as interesting, but it’s a whole other kettle of fish if someone’s engaging in an activity merely to seem to be something they’re not. It’s like the diametric opposite of being true to oneself.
People should do things because THEY want to do them, not because they want others to think they do them, or because they want to be seen doing them.
I suspect that the desire to be perceived as doing something is a big part of why so many people don’t want to be seen as beginners- being a beginner doesn’t engender the image they want to portray.
When I was younger, I used to be concerned about posers. As someone who has some geek interests, who is into the metal scene, who likes sports and lifting, I was seeing posers everywhere. Then I grew up a bit, and I realized that calling people posers is just the “True Scotsman” approach to being a fan. And, really, all of us started out as posers at one point, because we were all new to a particular interest or scene or whatever.
For instance, in the metal scene in the late 90s and early 00s, posers were kind of a big deal. Part of this is because I was in my late teens in high school and college, so it was something relevant to me and my peers, but also because metal was sort of at a main stream high. From my perspective, a big fan of Power and Progressive Metal at the time, if all you listened to was Nu Metal or Rap Metal, you were a poser, but then I’d run into some guy into the Norwegian Black Metal or Death Metal scenes and they’d call me a poser for listening to-- quoting one memorable example–“that pussy melodic shit”. Sure, since then, my tastes have expanded and I can enjoy some Black Metal and Death Metal that I couldn’t a decade ago.
Now sure, at a show, there’s often comments about people breaking cardinal rules, like wearing the shirt of the band they’re there to see, getting rowdy at a show it’s inappropriate for or complaining about how rough the crowd is at a show where that’s par for the course. In the end, it’s just inexperience and they’re not sure whether they’re there to stay or not. Since then, I’ve taken it as an opportunity to find others of a like mind and have good discussions about it, and also to find people who seem to be passionate about it and try to expose them to some new stuff they may be interested in.
Still, some people will remain “posers”. For instance, I used to be a bit more geeky than I am now, and there’s some stuff I am not diehard passionate about anymore, so I can’t necessarily talk about those things with the depth that a hardcore fan can. Am I a poser because I don’t know some obscure trivia about something I’m not REALLY into? For example, when I was in my geeky phase, I went through the whole “Anime is AWESOME!” phase, and I watched a bunch and knew a bunch about it. Since then, I see it as a legitimate form of art, but I won’t watch stuff just because it’s Anime as I would before, even if it was very meh, but I will if I hear good things about it. Am I now a poser because I haven’t seen some new popular one? Either way, I don’t care.
The whole idea of a poser really just doesn’t make sense. Why would someone want to be part of a scene they don’t ultimately have any interest in? I guess I could see it for some degree of popularity, to be in the in crowd, but I also never saw anyone trying to fit into a mainstream trend as being accused of being a poser, it’s always someone in a non-mainstream scene that accuses someone else of it.
Sure, I guess there are guys who will, for instance, try yoga to meet women. But how can you really tell if a guy is just doing it to meet women or if he’s legitimately trying it out and maybe decides he has an interest in someone there, or not. And if a guy is just there to meet women, but sticks at it for months because he finds he actually likes it, wen does he stop being a poser?
Same difference - point is, I want to do stuff but I can’t, for fear of being misunderstood - I want to ride a penny farthing. I want to wear a top hat - not because I want to be stared at, but because those things are sort of cool to do (as opposed to just cool to be seen doing). If nobody was watching, I’d behave a lot more strangely than I do currently.
I’d like to ask what is wrong with joining a group (like a group of Hikers) - not because you like Hiking - but because you want to meet people - most specifically people of the opposite gender with the objective of romance?
I have joined several kinds groups for that reason. In particular, I’ve joined bridge clubs, dance clubs, outdoor “activity” clubs (I forget exactly what these clubs were called. They were not called “activity” clubs. I think they were called “social” clubs.). I have also taken lessons (such as dancing lessons or bridge lessons) and I believe that many of the people who signed up for those lessons did it with the object in mind of meeting other people and finding some romance.
Lately, I have joined some associations that are 12 step groups that help people get away from alcohol or drug addiction. In addition, (get ready for this!), I’ve also joined message boards with the same idea.
So … OK. Let me ask about “social” clubs. I believe there are currently many social clubs in existence and their primary description is exactly so that people can meet others - often with the object of romance in mind.
I get the idea that you think “posing” is wrong. But, let me ask you what you think about joing social clubs and/or signing up for lessons such as bridge or dancing or other activities. Would you call that posing? And would you consider there to be something wrong with that?
I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong. We could just as easily criticise people for joining the group because of the selfish objective of not wanting to go hiking alone.
However, there are people who join groups with a pretty singleminded and obsessive goal of finding a sexual partner - and that can be disruptive (as they chase each prospective mate in descending order of preference, in rapid succession)
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this as long as the person is upfront about it. But then again, that would be the antithesis of posing.
This. All of it.
The problem with the “poser” label is that it can be applied to everyone by everyone since a special interest is always going to be comprised of different passion levels and expertise. Which is why an individual shouldn’t care what the peanut gallery thinks and just try to go out there and have a good time. Besides, it’s better to be a “poser” than a hater.
It can be a big problem, as many women join these groups specifically with the desire not to get hit on. If the Meetup is for singles, that’s one thing, but many aren’t and they try to exclude men who are looking to use the Meetup as a meat market. If you’re stuck 4 hours away from the trailhead with someone who creeps you out it’s a problem.
Most hiking Meetups aren’t specifically for dating. As long as you pick an appropriate Meetup it’s OK.
But if someone told you they were going to a hiking Meetup to hang out with cool people and maybe meet someone he can hang out with intimately, would you judge him as poser? Would you be creeped out? Personally, I wouldn’t. As long as a person blends in and doesn’t engage in “creepy” behavior, why should I care why they’re there? Who put me in charge?
I’ve gone to a number of Meetups. Because all of the meeting activities coalesced around an activity that can be done alone, I just assumed the people there were looking for potential friends–including special friends. It didn’t bother me none. It would only bother me if people were behaving in a creepy, inappropriate way.
To me, “poserdom” is all in how a person behaves. Not in their motivation–since this would require serious mind-reading abilities that I do not have.
I should add…I love to hike. But I love hiking alone. I merely tolerate hiking with other people. Sometimes I actually dislike it. But I’ve done the hiking Meetup thing a few times just to get a change in perspective. And maybe even meet someone or a couple of someones that I like as well. I wouldn’t put either of these things on my introduction profile for the “haters” to see. But they would be my quiet motivations.
The haters are free to call me a poser if they want. I just don’t know what they have to gain by doing this.
I hated posers before it was cool. Posers.
Wasn’t the whole hiking meetup thing “creepy” because the guy in question was asking about specific women in the group he’d only ever seen in group pictures, before he’d even done anything with them? Or am I thinking of something else?
Anyway, for me, a major factor in poserdom is the tendency to simply jump to some new completely unrelated thing and totally drop the old thing (and people) and never go back to it.
I had a roommate like that a few years ago. Every six months to a year, he’d have some totally new thing that he was totally into, and he’d go buy all the best stuff (because all of these things required tons of stuff) and he’d sell or simply throw away all the stuff from the previous thing.
He’d even figured out how to turn running into a crap-heavy activity, buying enough shoes for for an octopus marathon and filling a cabinet in our kitchen with those disgusting energy-gel packs. He was an expert at running, you see, because he was a member of some running group and nobody in the group ever got injured because they all knew the perfect way to run and everyone else was doing it all wrong.
Then he blew out his knee, two weeks later the shelves were clear of goo and the shoes were all gone. Then he had always been into hang-gliding.
They’re only pretending to be into Halo and comic books in order to meet women? I think they’d do better pretending to be a monk.
I think some people come off posers because when they pick up a new hobby, they tend to go off the deep end. Too impatient to start at the amatuer level and work their way up to the big leagues, they purchase the most advanced, most expensive accoutrements. Rather than experiment until they figure out a style or pace that works for them, they get a book or video that promises to teach them all they need to know to master X overnight. And they brand themselves as musician or a biker or a whatever, because embracing that identity is what they think will motivate them to stick with the activity.
I’m not this kind of person, mind you. But I had a boyfriend who showed these tendencies. One day he was totally into bonsai trees and was, like, gonna totally be the baddest bonsai tree expert on the planet. Purchased books, pots, samplings, the whole 9. Then a week later, after he realized he was in over his head, he abandoned the thing.
I was there to witness the whole process and know that he wasn’t a poser as the OP defines it. But an outsider could have easily walked away with that impression. He talked like an enthusiast, but couldn’t keep with it for very long because his interest was merely a flash in the pan. But it was very much a sincere interest when he had it. He was not putting on an act for ulterior purposes. I had fun with him as he went through this wacky phase.
I don’t think most “hobbyists” operate this way. Their interest in a particular activity is not only deep, but it’s sticky. That doesn’t make them superior to those whose interest is more volatile and shallow; it just means they are luckier because they have the patience, skill, and time to cultivate their craft so that it becomes more than a short-lived distraction.
A sense of superiority is one. If you can create criteria for who belongs and who doesn’t, and then judge people based on how well they meet the criteria, it makes your membership within the flock feel more secure and special.
See also religion, fraternities/sororities, and the “in crowd” at every high school in America.
I remember that place! Lotta good times. Although I think I exaggerate when I use the word “remember.”
I know what you mean. Good times, good times.
Alternative music when it was truly alternative.
Going hiking because you enjoy it, or going with people isn’t itself a poser thing. It’s when hiking is used as a smokescreen for other ends. You don’t consider other people just walking a trail and making small talk. But if you are out somewhere remote, and a guy is pestering you, asking inappropriate questions and making you feel unsafe with his body language (blocking an escape path, dismissing your discomfort, staring inappropriately) you’re going to start to wonder if the guy is really in it for the hiking.
Obsessing over a new hobby isn’t poserdom necessarily. This is what I call “Mr. Toad syndrome”. A person gets obsessed, spends a lot of money on the hobby, often tries to get other people into it, then drops it the moment some other shiny hobby comes along.
Another similar phenomenon is mirroring other people’s behavior. The person doesn’t understand the appeal or the emotional nuances involved in the activity. But they can emulate them by copying the behaviors of others. But it’s a cargo cult mindset; they don’t understand the context of what they are doing, only the end result. My wife had a somewhat autistic friend who did this. She overheard someone complimenting my wife’s makeup. Friend thief became OBSESSED with makeup, making dozens of videos, blogging about it, volunteering to do makeup for small stage performances, etc. As much as we’d all like to think she just liked it as a hobby, in the end it turned out she just wanted the praise and validation my wife got. When she didn’t get it ( apparently talking about it endlessly and fishing for compliments didn’t help) she thought she wasn’t trying hard enough.
I just finished and intro course for archery (I’m a senior? yeeeech!) and at one point the instructor shook his head sadly and said “no, no, you’re doing it wrong! If I ask what happened and you tell me you didn’t release properly, you’re never going to be a good archer! You’re supposed to blame the wind, the arrow, the birds, the bees, or the lack of sunlight on the dark side of the moon. I mean, seriously!”
The Three Cranky Guys with the fancy equipment (all three old enough to be in their second adolescence) have been heard explaining in all earnestness that it was the arrow’s fault. For other people it’s an ongoing joke, “that arrow was heavier!” Those same three guys are also the ones most likely to give unsolicited advice and to hog an inordinate amount of chairs.
The Legolases are funny in their earnestness. The ancient ones are just boring.