A Dopers' Cantata

The BBQ Pit
1

His4Ever: No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true

Mr Visible: No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We’ll find our own way back

His4Ever: I can’t deny what I believe
Gobear: I can’t be what I’m not
Joe and Jersey: I know I’ll love forever
I know, no matter what

Gobear: If only flames were friendship
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

“No matter what they tell you
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach you
What you believe is true”

Chorus of Dopers of Good Will:
And we will keep you safe and strong
And sheltered from the storm
No matter where it’s barren
A dream is being born

His4Ever: I can’t deny what I believe
Gobear: I can’t be what I’m not
Beeblebrox: We’ll argue this forever
I know, no matter what

Esprix: You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear
You’ve got to be taught from year to year
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught

You’ve got to be taught to be so blind
To hate those whose loves are a different kind
Or people whose bodies don’t mirror their mindskin is a different shade
You’ve got to be carefully taught

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late
Before you are six or seven or eight
To hate all the people your preachers hate
You’ve got to be carefully taught
You’ve got to be carefully taught
Shodan: Posterado, why don’t you come to your senses?
You been out postin’ OP’s for so long now
Oh, you’re a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These threads that are pleasin’ you
Can hurt you somehow

Don’ you flame in MPSIMS, boy
Or Unc’ll tie you to the table
You know that Great Debates was always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine threads
Have been placed within your index
But you only read the ones that you don’t “get”

Posterado, oh, you ain’t gettin’ no youger
Your logic and feelings, they’re drivin’ you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just December talkin’
Your prison is when your ISP is goin’ down
[Note: No Matter What is copyright by Andrew Lloyd Webber; Carefully Taught is copyright by the estate of Richard Rogers; Desperado is copyright by Glenn Frye. Poster claims the court-upheld right to use copyright material in a parody, and holds the Chicago Reader harmless from any damages that might be claimed.]

2

Christmas Carol

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Jesus!
Happy birthday to you!

[sub][Note: Happy Birthday To You is copyright by Mildred J. Hill and Patty Smith Hill.][/sub]

3

::Applause::

Can you do a stanza wirh Slip Mahoney in it?

I’m famous for I can’t remember what.

4

If you’re going to put candles on the cake, you’d best call the fire department.

5

See, Slip if you want your shot at instant fame you have to be proactive

clears throat

Aspidistra:
When a doper is arrayed at her computer (her computer)
Sipping coffee as she browses in the Pit (in the Pit)
She must carfully avoid threads which amuse her (which amuse her)
Lest the liquid leave her mouth and spray on it (spray on it)

Note: Prob’ly still copywrit by Gilbert and Sullivan though it damn well oughtn’t to be after all this time

6

celestina’s song.

[sub] Y’all can make up the tune. My brain hurts too badly to do more than write this lil’ ditty.[/sub]

ahem

I’m up to my goddamned neck in crap
That students just love to write [VERY BIG SIGH]
Have they actually read the assignment or the texts?
It appears they have not, and I want to know. Why!!!

I do declare I’m about to cry,
Or laugh myself into a fit.
If I see one more fucking logical fallacy
Well, you know, folks call it bullshit.

I mean really. Who they think they foolin’?
Yes, I’m a space alien, but I ain’t blind.
If you don’t follow the instructions I gave,
Then I’m not inclined to be kind.

:mad:
[celestina popping two Alleve and returning to the stack of crap]

7

Some primal termite knocked on wood,
tasted it and found it good,
and that is why jarbabyj
fell through the parlor floor today.

[sub]with thanks to Ogden Nash.[/sub]