Not really- I was just browsing through The Pit and the title seemed appropriate.
So, new boyfriend, our time has come to an end.
In the beginning, you were a wonderful boyfriend. You were sooo nice, you were lovey-dovey. I fell so hard. Life was good. Squee, as it were.
Then, you began to demonstrate an insidious way of making me feel bad about myself. Then it got worse. Long episodes of “things I don’t like about you” began to appear, with me as the surprise guest. I tried to tell you that I am who I am, I’m happy with myself, and maybe I just wasn’t right for you. Of course, you didn’t listen to that- you shored us up with proclamations of true love, if only I changed this, this, and that other thing about myself, and then everything would be perfect. I let you get away with this for some time. Well, only 3 months, but still way too long. Because I loooooved you, (what?) and you smelled good, and you were hot in the sack.
And then, one day, you just weren’t worth it anymore. The final straw may have been when you advised me that I was obsessed with sex because I want it more than once a week, and sometimes I gasp! initiate it! Or perhaps it was cumulative. You have no idea how to treat a woman, and I feel sorry for any woman you manage to last more than 3 months with. Once you get past the initial stage of a relationship, you give nothing.
So, bye-bye now. I will stop bursting into tears at random by Tuesday, and next weekend I will be out there again enjoying life and meeting new people, and I will NEVER drunk dial you!
Sorry Alice, better you found out now than later. Your intuition is good, or you might have moved in w/ him. Time wounds all heels.
Hang in there and be picky, you’ll find a good guy, not perfect, but good.
I don’t think I would have moved in with him- I felt pretty strongly about that. And I think I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t going to work out, but, you know, he smelled good. Or something.
And if you could put that stuff about me finding a good guy in writing… thanks.
At 38 and single for 8 years in a row, I’ve dated a lot. Nothing serious until this one, though. The really sucky part is that he fit my picture of the ideal man, and I loved everything about him except for how he treated me. That’s hard to deal with- when everything about him is perfect except for that one thing that you know you can never fix and you know you can never compromise on.
I wish people would just be themselves right up front- their true selves, the ones you will see 3 months or 3 years later. And then the other person can decide right then and there if they’re willing to deal or walk away before anybody gets hurt. Would save a whole bunch of trouble, it would.
Good for you, Alice, for not compromising on how you expect to be treated. Not right is just not right, and no amount of wishing will make it right (only took me three years of dating a dead-end guy to figure that out :rolleyes: ). You will find a good guy some day, and he’ll make it worth the wait and all the frog kissing.
(Have you ever heard the song, “It’s not me, it’s YOU” by Prozzak? It would fit your situation perfectly. )
Alice The Goon, your instincts were dead center, right on! That’s classic abuser strategies there. I am very glad you got away from him. (From what you have said, you got out before the violence began This means he didn’t get your spine/self esteem completely, good!) Don’t look back, and if you get similar feelings about a future boyfriend, run sooner! Don’t let anyone treat you that way, but especially not a lover. It’s been said that abusers “start out gently and build over time” and it’s true. It doesn’t take away the sting or lonliness though. Hang in there, things will get better. comfort
That’s great, but my advice now is stop for a bit, and then a bit longer. The first bit is until you get him completely out of your mind. The “bit longer” is to have a little time to enjoy being you. I’m doing exactly this at the moment, and it’s really great. I’ve done the rebound stuff before, and it ain’t so great.
Yes, Otto, if you must rub my face in it, I did think he was the one for me. I can take comfort in the fact that I’m not the first to make such an egregious mistake. :smack: I did love him, and I wanted him to be for me so bad, yet I couldn’t force him to treat me in a decent manner. Shame on me, right? Does that make you feel better?
Thanks for the kind words of the rest of you- it actually does help, believe it or not.
FWIW, I think **Otto ** cannot believe that a relationship that is unhealthy like that can fall apart so quickly. (It can, just like that the person realizes it isn’t ever going to work and finally common sense takes over and they leave.) I recognized when he pointed it out that I was seeing the last gasp of your hopes for what “could be” but wasn’t. I hope you have some peace, and time for learning to enjoy being yourself, and re-affirming your self worth. Look for chances to smile, and savor small moments of joy when you find them.
)
