A Hypothetical Question

Ok, so, let’s say, hypothetically, there’s this girl. And let’s say she goes on a hypothetical holiday. To Sydney, hypothetically speaking, to stay with her hypothetical cousin (d’you get the whole hypothetical message, already?) One night while she’s there, she goes out to a bar with her cousin and his friends, and has a bit too much to drink. She meets a guy, whose name is (hypothetically) Jim. He’s really nice, and really good looking, and they chat for a while, and he buys her a couple of drinks. When the girl’s cousin leaves to go to a nightclub, she stays at the bar with Jim. Eventually, she goes home with him, and they sleep together. They both know she’ll be going back to the other side of the country in a few days, so there’s no possible future in this. When she leaves next morning, she leaves her phone number on a bit of paper in his shoe (hey, it seemed like a logical place to put it at the time), but he never calls.

The girl is a bit freaked out by this whole incident. She’s not exactly inexperienced sexually, but she’s never slept with a virtual stranger before, and she didn’t think she was the kind of girl to do that type of thing. She broke all her own safety rules about not going home with someone she didn’t know. She was pretty drunk at the time, but not so drunk that she didn’t know exactly what she was doing.

So, what I want to know is this: what do you think of this girl? Was the way she acted right/wrong/indifferent? How would you feel if your best friend/little sister/daughter/ex-girlfriend acted like this? Guys, if you were Jim, what would you think of the girl? One-night stands happen all the time in books and movies, and we don’t blink, but how do people feel about them in real life?

Please spare me the safe-sex message - I teach sex-ed to high school kids, and I know how important it is. For the record, the girl didn’t use a condom, and is kicking herself. She’s going to get a thorough checkup when she goes to the doctor next week.

I wouldn’t be shocked, or even preachy. Said hypothetical friend got drunk, made a couple of silly mistakes and has obviously been spooked as a result. Hopefully it won’t have any lasting repercussions other than to make her hypothetically think more carefully in future.

Beyond that any moralising is unnecessary and would say more about the poster’s personal moral beliefs than anything else. For what it’s worth, I think that careless one-night stands are not unusual and so long as they’re not a regular occurence they’re nothing that you could or should judge somebody’s character on.

Except for the condom-skipping, I’d say “Woo-hoo, good for you.” No need to excuse the behavior. Everyone needs a good tumble sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that in and of itself.

Sounds to me like this hypothetical girl went on vacation and had a good time. Perhaps she wasn’t quite as cautious as she should have been in her fun, but she’s probably learned her lesson on that one. I think when this girl is old and wrinkly, she’ll be madder at herself for things she hasn’t done, than for this small thing that she did do.

I’d say it sounds a lot like something that happened to a hypothetical person I know very well, about twenty years ago in Barbados, and that she still has very fond memories of that hypothetical, tall, red-haired guy with the half-island, half-Scottish accent and the house hidden from the roads by tropical forest . . . Hypothetically, of course.


PSHHH! All I got to say is;** you go girl!** and as far as any negative things people have to say about you… or uh… hypothetical girl; just tell’em to go pray for you in church. And as far as what Jim thinks of hypothetical girl? Who gives a rats ass? Its not like she gonna have to see him again.

Thanks, everyone… this hypothetical girl feels a lot better for all that emphatic support :slight_smile:

I guess people’s attitudes to things like sex do change as they get older; for me, it’s less of a big deal. I felt a little awkward, because suddenly I found myself in a situation I could never have imagined getting into a year or two back. I’m also a bit touchy about the issue since an ex-boyfriend (and good friend, and all-round nice guy) told me recently that he was worried about me because I had a “very relaxed attitude to sex” :eek: At the same time, though, if someone else told me this story, I would react exactly the way you all have.

So, no regrets - apart from the condom thing :smack: :smack: :smack: You would think I’d have known better - I certainly will in future!

I would say it was a pretty dumb thing to do and I hope she doesn’t turn up pregnant or with some icky STD.

However, I don’t think she should beat herself up over it. Mistakes happen. She can’t change it so she should move on.

And not do it again, because it really was dangerous. This guy could have been an axe murderer.

Was he shagging you while he said this?

OUCH! Stop it. :wink:

Hey, I’ll echo the sentiments. You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess you’re in your early to mid 20’s, or thereabouts, approximately, give or take a few years. Nothing wrong with a little one night stand every now and then. But yeah, be safe.

Why do you care so much about what people think about you? What about what do we think about him? He committed a one-night stand too, ya know.

Uh … yes he did, but the thread didn’t ask about him, and we don’t know anything about him as an individual. Otherwise, I’d say the same points apply to both parties – play safe, know what you’re doing, don’t live in eternal regret etc.

In this day and age, going home with someone you just met that night is a bit on the dangerous side, and not just from an STD standpoint. But it’s not like most of us haven’t done the exact same thing. God knows I have woken up in some strange places next to some strange women.

So, I would think this woman was like most of the people I know…
By the way…in his shoe??? You may as well of left it in the toilet bowl. 10 to 1 he never saw it, wore the shoe, the note got stuck to the sock, and washed, and he was trying to figure out why a blank piece of paper was doing in the dryer.

WV_Woman, pregnancy wasn’t an issue - I’m on the pill, and would never, ever have skipped the condom had it been a risk. STD’s, on the other hand… well, I’m crossing my fingers, and I am going to get checked up next week. Retrospectively, it’s all I can do. I’ve never done such a silly thing before, and hopefully won’t again. The axe-murderer thing is another issue…

Coldfire, yup, I’m 23. And you have a grotty mind :slight_smile:

LolaCocaCola, I don’t mind what people think of him. I think he’s a perfectly nice guy, and lots of other people would’ve acted exactly the same way he did (remember, there was considerable alcohol involved on both sides). I was just having a few personal conscience/self-image sort of issues, and wanted to find out what people thought.

And, spooje, I know the shoe thing seems pretty silly - keep in mind here that it was early Saturday morning, after a BIG Friday night, and I hadn’t had very much sleep at all. It made sense at the time. IIRC, there was a dirty sock in the shoe - he would’ve had to remove it before putting the shoe on (not that I entirely trust my memory at that point in time).

< Generalization >
The only time I’ve ever heard people say they are concerned about “very relaxed attitudes about sex,” they have been very uptight about human sexually and have been uncomfortable talking about (as if it’s a dirty, secretive thing always to be done with the lights off.)
< /Generalization >

Since you’ve taught sex ed, you’re probably more comfortable with the topic than he is which could make him feel that your attitude is “too liberal.”

Everyone makes mistakes, some mistakes worse than others, but they are still mistakes. I wouldn’t judge a person based on something like this. It seemed okay at the time to her. Today is different than the old fashioned times, things like this happen. As long as a situation like this doesn’t permanently affect the person involved in a negative way and as long as she learns from her mistake, is more cautious in the future, and is aware of situations that may lead to it again, then it’s not that bad in the end. As long as she enjoyed herself, lived a little, and learned a lot. In the future, she should be more cautious and aware and she should feel lucky if she got away from this without any negative ‘side effects.’

If I were Jim, I would assume that the girl enjoyed sex and acted on it as I have. I can honestly tell you that women who have had “one night stands” are not judged negatively by me. How could they be? I have had them myself (although less and less as I get older…) One of my close friends went through a period where she had a few one night stands. Although I teased her a little about being “Mrs. Robinson” when the one was rather young, in general I was glad that she was enjoying life.

Now for the unspoken question: Would I call? Well, I don’t know where you are, but I probably would not call Sydney from Pennsylvania US, so if I were Jim, I would probably not call the US from Sydney - even if I did find the phone number in the shoe. Even if I REALLY liked the girl, probably not. A romance that long-distance just isn’t practical. I would have been very flattered though - and if you had left and address I would have probably written.

Well, if I have ANY knowledge about Aussie blokes, I would NOT necessarily assume he’d have removed the dirty sock. :smiley:

I’m just going to repeat what nearly everyone else has said. Apart from the regrets that Ms Hypothetical is experiencing post -bonk, did she have a good time during the evening? That is a far better gauge of the ‘value’ of the liaison.

In other words, get the ‘OMG I must be an evil slut’ monkey off your back, and remember the wonderful night you had with this person. While many deny it, I’m sure that MOST women have at some time in their lives done the same thing. Hey, sometimes sex is just sex, and it can be gooooood! Especially when you are flying out of the city soon after!

**Fond memories, and a hope that she feels the same for me.