You are sitting at a table at a bar. To your left is a young woman, approximately 11 years your junior, who has been regaling the table with her observations about who she’s going to bang, who she has already banged, etc., etc. You have met this young woman before, but this is your first real conversation with her, and you are not impressed.
You are asked who you are interested in that night (it’s a very large party you are attending). You truthfully reply that you are not looking for anything, but if something happens, it would not be a bad thing. Immediately after you make this statement, you feel the young woman’s hand on your inner thigh under the table.
Pop quiz, hotshot: what do you do?
Apparently, the wrong thing to do is to pretend that the hand is not there. She was pissy to me the rest of the night. Ahh, well.
Well, if you’re not interested, who cares if she was pissy.
If you were interested, or at least interested in “banging” her, then yeah, you shoulda’ responded either in kind, or by nudging her hand to your crank or un-zip your fly or something.
YMMV
As an afterthought, you should have at least looked over and smiled or winked or something. I mean, how else are you going to finally hook up in your own city?
Obviously (ok, apparently) the tart turned you off with her roll call of lays. You knew you’d be the guy she was mentioning in the tone she uses to order french fries at the NEXT party. That is enough to turn down a sure lay (oh my GAWD, what did I just say?)
The etiquette breach was her topic before she/you had a crack at something. Damn, these 11 years younger chicks just don’t get it!
a) You don’t say c’mon remarks like that unless you are prepared to follow up on them. She heard you say, “I’ll let whatever happens happen” and the proceeded to start things…and you went on to snub her…Which would piss anyone off done verbally. Let me offer a verbal translation of the physical circumstances.
“I’ll just let whatever happens happen”
“Hey, want me to happen?”
“Umm…whatever except you…”
b) If you are silly enough to make these statements and get called on them without truly intending to let them go anywhere, actually have the guts to ‘tell’ her no. Move her hand off your thigh with a gentle, firm touch and a smile. This changes the translation to something different, and a little more polite.
“I’ll just let whatever happens happen”
“Hey, want me to happen?”
“Aw, shucks maybe later, cutie”
Interesting – I can see that as a valid interpretation. Is it still valid given the age difference? I mean, I don’t sleep with college kids. I think this is obvious - hell, I’m 32. Second, was what I said truly a “come on” line? Maybe I didn’t make it clear in the OP, but it wasn’t the girl who asked me that question. It was asked by a 20-year old guy sitting at the table. (A little background - this was a semi-annual party/fundraiser for a community service group I was in in college). I thought a vague (though completely truthful) statement like what I made was more polite than, “none of your business, you little punk!”
I still don’t know – I was in fact telling the truth, and, had things developed with someone I knew/liked/cared about, I “truly intended to let them go” somewhere.
Depends on your mood. You say you weren’t impressed. I take that to mean that you didn’t want her, before or after “the hand”. So the question really is “Do I lower my standards for a ride, or keep my pride and suffer the wrath of a snubbed girl”? Personally, I think you did the right thing. It’s what I would have done anyway in your place. She’s pissed. Who cares? Perhaps she might grow up a little and learn that the world doesn’t bend to her whim and that she isn’t “all that and a bag of chips” to everyone.
I always get the shit flamed out of me when I post to these kind of threads, but WTF:
Well-adjusted guys are NOT turned on women whose sexual agressiveness is disproportionate to their aquaintanceship, any more than they are by cold-fish “I find you repulsive” women. There really does have to be a mutuality to the moment.
Although I fully subscribe to Zorba the Greek’s belief that if you fail to sexually satisfy a woman who truly wants you, she will emit a sigh on Judgement Day that will cast you into Hell, I also realise that billions of women will probably be doing a lot of sighing about a lot of things on Judgement Day, and I doubt Hell will ever be able to bear the freight. I think a truly loving God will cut us guys some slack for the… (here would go any number of words that may offend - something a gentlemen never knowingly does. Well, what’s an agreeable word for a woman who makes your testicles retract when she’s trying to make your penis tumescent?)
Sua,I’ve always appreciated your erudite input to the threads to which we’ve both posted. Therefore I am not suprised that you reacted with discretion in the moment and with analytical thought now afterward. I would not presume to give you advice, but because, unlike most of you, in all probability I now have (I hope) fewer women in my future than in my past, allow me make this observation as to the nature of men’s sexual regret: the sins of commission outweigh the sins of omissision, so don’t be troubled by a missed emission.
Don’t feel bad – I didn’t even tell my own brother I was in town (and I was staying about two blocks from him).
On the plus side, I just retained a D.C. headhunter to find me a job down there.
Even with further explanation, I’m with Medea. It sounds like there was a general atmosphere of randiness, and you made a mild effort to join in, at least in spirit. So you shouldn’t be surprised that someone saw your bid and raised it. The age difference is irrelevant, although it would have made a good excuse for a graceful exit (“My dear, I’m sure you’d be more comfortable with someone closer to your own age…”).
Just be glad it wasn’t the guy who asked the question who gave you the squeeze.
sigh These girls have no style. They’re giving us college girls a bad name.
Anyway, Sua, I have a special flavor of hatred on reserve for these kind of girls. They run rampant at college parties. Feminist scheminist - they can have all the fun they want, but there’s a line of self-respect I refuse to cross, and they cross that line regularly. It makes me cringe. But, I’ve never been a fan of drunken screws and I won’t endanger myself to the countless risks involved in one, just because some guy has nice biceps.
I think you handled the situation kindly and politely. If I had been at the table, I would have been decidedly less polite.
