Hello everyone this is my first post here. That doesn’t mean that I am not familiar with this place. I’ve been reading this board almost since the beginning of its existence. I’ve never felt the need to post anything until Pduol came along.
And so here we go…
Pduol, who the fuck do you think you are!!! I am serious about this question. This thread has touched me in a way I can’t even begin to describe. Then I read this:
*Throughout this thread, the word “noble” has been used more than once to describe my actions. For some reason, this bothers me. Let me try to explain why.
Picture this -
Your wife leaves you with her 3 kids, aged 13, 11, and 9. You’ve been a fatherly figure in these kids lives since they were all in diapers. You care about their health and mental well-being. What do you do?
I supposed I could have forced their mother to take them. but I can almost guarantee you that I would not be looking at pictures of 3 reasonably well-adjusted, delightful young adults right now had I done that.
My wife was an only child and both her parents where deceased. Their biological father’s whereabouts was (and still is) unknown. There were no “blood relatives” to the kids.
I could have given them up to whatever agency it is that handles this sort of thing. But did I really want the kids who call me “daddy” to grow up in foster care? Not a chance in hell of that.
So I did the only thing I could do. I soldiered on. I never considered doing anything different.
See, at some point I crossed over a line. On one side of that line, I was stepfather to 3 stepchildren. When I crossed that line, I was daddy to 3 children. Exactly when that happened I could not tell you. I can tell you that, once over that line it’s impossible to go back, even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t.
So is it noble to do your absolute best to raise, nurture, and care for 3 children who you love? I would venture to say that most of the human race does that. Does it make me noble to do the very thing that most of the human race would do?
I would like to believe that most men, finding themselves in my situation, would have done exactly the same thing. If that’s not the case, then my faith in the human race has just been dealt a huge hit.
posted by Pduol. sorry, I don’t know how to do the quote thing*
How Dare you, sir! How dare you. let’s look at the record here. Using your own definition of “noble”:
*I think we may have different definitions of the word noble. To me, calling someone noble means that they are beyond exceptional. Someone who goes far, far, far above and beyond what’s reasonably expected.
*
Let’s start with the post that made your name stand out from the crowd for me. Your “I am not a monster” thread. You have an obsession that is socially unacceptable. I understand that. But what is shocking is that you are committed to not ever action on it. You know it’s wrong. You know how much damage it could do. You want to do the right thing regardless of what your obsession is telling you to do. For a person in your position what would be reasonably expected? I for one would reasonably expect most people to act on their obsessions. Period! Most people are animals who act mostly on instinct. You, sir have chosen a higher path. that is above and beyond what is reasonably expected. Using your own definition, you are noble.
Now let’s look at the fucked-up shit that happened when you were growing up that you described in your second Monster thread. You have been through a hell-on-earth that I can’t possibly imagin. What would be reasonably expected for a person who faced the horrors that you did as a child would be for that person to become a horror themselves. You, sir, did not. You are a good person. I would say that’s far, far, far above and beyond what’s reasonably expected. Using your own definition, you are noble.
I am a single mom with a 10 year old girl. I know from my own experience that most mendon’t want much to do with the children of women they date. Most men I date, if I tried to extract a promise from them that they would treat my child as if she was their own child, they would say adios chick! It’s been nice. That’s what’s reasonably expected. You however not only took her children into your life, you loved them. You took care of them. You took the parental role when she became to fucked-up sick in the head to do it. That’s certainly not reasonably expected. That’s far far far far far far far far far far far above and beyond what’s reasonably expected. Using your own definition, you are noble.
Folks, the Straight Dope Message Board has in its midst an angel. An angel who doesn’t think he’s an angel. A noble in every sense of the word, even his own.
Pduol, if I ever read you saying that you aren’t noble again, I’m going to find out where the hell it is that you live and come kick you ass! You’ve been warned!
I’m going to send you a PM. Read it. And Pduol, if there is anyone on this board that I would trust with my daughter it would be you.
That is all.