A little help from some NICE people would be cool about now...

Okay, here’s the deal. Heather came up to me, complaining once again about the treatment she received from many people here.

I told her as honestly as I could, “Look. I know you’re smart. I couldn’t be with a dumb person no matter how wonderful in bed they were or beautiful they were! But your posts look like something out of a kiddy chat room. And then when someone busts your chops on it, or even just kids around with you good naturedly, you’re all thin-skinned, make some retort like, ‘Fuck you!’ or ‘Go to hell,’ and that makes it even worse!”

So of course she’s mad at me now…

Anyway, could some people here PLEASE explain to Heather that they do not hate her, and that being made fun of from time to time is not that horrible, and that SHE brings a lot of it on herself?

This way, I don’t look like I was “choosing” Dopers over her in an argument… I was merely being onjective about it…

God, I’m pathetic…

Yer pal,

It is better to be kind than right.

Look God… You are VERY AWARE I can say some things about how YOU fit into the equation…

I put it as nicely as I could, but I refuse to tell anyone - no matter how much I love them - that they are right when they are not.

But sometimes, being kind means being straightforward rather than saying what someone wants to hear.

Heatherlee - think before you write, then read and then read again before you submit. And consider Brian’s advice. He’s publicly proclaimed his love for you - he’s not likely to steer you wrong.

Never thought I’d find myself saying that I respect “Satan”, but having read a lot of his posts, I’d say his opinions are worth considering. Even if you don’t agree, at least he’s worth listening to.

Some people know a lot more when you tell them something than when you ask them something.

You misunderstand me.
It is simply a matter of where the emphasis is put. Sure, some people write better than others. We all do some things better than other things. I agree that one should try to use correct grammar and spelling. I do not agree that a poorly written post gives us the right to assume that the poster is stupid. The greater wrong is in being the harsh judge, not in being the poor speller.

Well, Satan, I don’t recall having busted on her. Of course, I don’t recall having replied to her at all, so I suppose that I don’t get any credit for not having busted on her.
As that may be: listen, Heather, we don’t hate you. Don’t rouse the animals here, some of them are barely responsible for what they do, and, if they manage unwittingly to flick you on the raw, will not respond with anything deeper than a, “Hey, lighten up!”. In this day and age, though that’s not an expression of distaste, just of callousness and lack of empathy.
Possibly I’m not fulfilling Satan’s wishes here (I am of two minds about being publicly seen as being a minion of Satan, in any case), but I, for one, don’t want to see you vanish from his life or ours in a snit. Reconsider, please?

“Kings die, and leave their crowns to their sons. Shmuel HaKatan took all the treasures in the world, and went away.”

I don’t know if I qualify as “nice,” but I’ll go ahead and address Heatherlee:

I don’t hate you, not a bit. I think you add to this board, in fact. However, it can be frustrating to have to read a post more than once to figure out what it means. I realize that you may be typing fast to finish a thought, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I think all anyone would ask is that you edit for punctuation, capitalization, etc.

But by all means, keep posting. Also, don’t take it so hard if someone throws in a dig about spelling or whatever. It seems to happen to everyone to a certain degree. If you make an effort to post relatively clearly, they’ll stop.

Heather… i dont claim to be the most intelligent person on earth, nor the funniest. But…when i post in here, i do it because i enjoy it, or i have something on my mind. I figure if i say something that makes someone want to flame me… go for it, its part of the fun really. I enjoy your posts, keep on writing and just relax and enjoy yourself…

We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by
embracing one another

Well, I had a huge long post written, then erased it in favor of this:
First, don’t be fighting over a stupid message board. Who the hell cares what people here think? Really!

Heather, you post whatever you want, however you want. Bear in mind that some people have positively nothing better to do then point out spelling errors, grammer errors and accidental ommissions. Lately almost every post I’ve put up is followed by some asshole correcting my spelling. Screw 'em.

On the other hand, it’s considered common courtesy to at least use proper punctuation and capitalization when posting, simply to make it easier on the reader.

We had a “mystery” poster a while ago (loverock) who loved to post like “eecummings”. No punctuation, no caps, (no sense, either). It seems to me that since that whole ugly incident, anyone who posts with misspellings or lack of punctuation is labled as dumb or lazy.

I say, if you don’t want to be considered dumb by anyone, try to post a little more clearly- that’s all. If people are still mean then ignore them or invite them to the pit. Life is short- don’t argue over message boards.
(PS- I like Heather- and I’m kind of nice :slight_smile: )

A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

I just want to publicly thank jazzmine for the very nice letter she e-mailed heatherlee and myself. Very classy, very nice!

Thanks Brian. Hopefully it helped.

I think HeatherLee has been spoiled - she’s sharing a life with a very reasonable clear thinker, someone who is so rational I wonder how come he chose the username Satan :slight_smile:

Most of us here can be childish and reactionary, or joke around in an acidic fashion.

So I think it’s a bit of both. If she writes something potentially able to be picked on, then it will be picked on. Once you get used to something like that, you either change to get more the reaction you want, or you stay the same and weather the reactions you now expect.

Maybe Heatherlee isn’t doing either. Instead she’s not changing, but expecting more reasonable reactions to her posts.

Nuh-uh, ain’t gonna happen.

“Vyvyan! Where did you get that Howitzer?” “…I found it.”

The Legend Of PigeonMan - updates every Wed & Sat

I think she’s a sweet kid. She’s become one of the “characters” on the board that prevent it from melding into a homogeneous mass. I don’t have any problems with her posts; I mean, ferchristssakes, she’s posting in MPSIMS or the Pit, I’m not expecting a grammatically correct essay.

Some people are going to flame her style of posts, but if she chooses to post with no caps and funky grammar, it makes her an easy target. I don’t think she needs to take it seriously; people sometimes flame on this board just because they can, because they don’t have to worry about seeing someone’s face when they’ve hurt feelings. They don’t even have to dislike you to flame you.

“Happiness is nonetheless true happiness because it must come to an end, nor do thought and love lose their value because they are not everlasting.”

  • Bertrand Russell

She’s a sweet gal. You think none of us have any problems? That’s crazy! The majority of Dopers have major problems with intamacy, effection, themselves, and neurosis. I know I do. I think Heather is one of the most well rounded, shagadelic chicks out there. I enjoy her posts.


Never pay attention to personal opinions of people on message boards. Check any reference to supposed facts, verify any reports of events, and if people say mean things about you, hit the scroll down key, and forget about them. They are ordinary people with ordinary amounts of sense, and sensibility. Which runs a range from lots to none in both cases.

Being misunderstood is the only reason I can think of for rehashing an argument on a thread. If you did not make yourself clear, or overestimated the level of understanding of your audience, it might help to try to make it clearer. Most times, though, you did your best, said your say, and the great unwashed remain unwilling to benefit from your wisdom. It’s their loss, and not your responsibility.

Being despised for your opinions certainly is no reason for going over a point again. They don’t agree, fine. The hate you because of it? Well, when someone offers me bullshit, even baked bullshit on a bed of lettuce, I just move on, and try some other point. Don’t forget it’s not just bullshit, it’s their bullshit. Don’t have any.

I think you posts add to the site, but I think the decision to continue should have one criterion only: Are you having a good time? I hope so.

<p align=“center”>Tris</p>


I find nothing really “wrong” with your thoughts (I don’t necessarily agree with you always). The advice posted above about posting style is good, and you would do well to devote a little bit of effort in that direction. I post less often than the “daily names” but I do post a bit. I can’t really think of anyone who’s got it in for me, but I’ve received a few SLAP!s (now there’s a punctuation question!) and the first couple did sting a bit. There are a few people that drop by who seem a little too argumentative or Felix Ungerish, but even people I know I couldn’t hang with IRL have sides I can appreciate. I doubt I would ever be best buds with Monty, but he makes a contribution and has a sense of humor - and alienates people. I had no problem with C #3; I had some brief discussions with him and never rose to his bait - that’s not what I’m here for (quick, somebody tell me what I’m here for).

Anyway, if I can massage a point out of this, other posters have addressed, I think in a considerate fashion, why you might want to address your editing of posts (like I’m one to be talking), I think you might enjoy the experience a bit more (i.e., not get upset about it) if you keep in mind that it really doesn’t matter what the fuck I think of you.

Regards, dear

Oh, and, without the term of endearment Dark One,


I feel obligated to post here, because recently I’ve made a couple of really snarky comments about heatherlee’s posts. I don’t know if this will help at all, but I’ll drop my couple of pennies in anyway.

Despite what I may say, I don’t automatically assume that someone is stupid based on their posts. For all I know, Heather could be the world’s second-smartest human. But it just doesn’t look that way from what she writes.

Around here, if we’re going to form any opinion about people, we have to do it from their writing; that’s the only criterion we have. In all honesty, heatherlee’s posts are not well-written. When all you know about someone online is that she doesn’t use proper spelling or grammar, your first impression of them will not be very good.

Heather, we don’t hate you; we just have trouble understanding you. You’ll get a lot more respect if you just take the time to format your posts better, and pay attention to your spelling. (Geez… could I sound any more like my 6th-grade English teacher?)

Laugh hard; it’s a long way to the bank.


If you think I’m teasing you, I probably am. But this is because I’m friends with your boy, and I think it’s okay. If it’s not, please tell me, and I’ll stop. The way I look at it, though, we’re very much the same in quite a few ways.

That being said, please stop fighting with him. I always have to listen to him whine. :wink:

You’re cool. I think most of the crap you get is because you talk about sex “too much” (in quotes because I don’t think there is such a thing) and you don’t use caps or punctuation much. The second, to me, is much more annoying than the first–but that’s because I’m a horny English major who wants to be a copyeditor. :wink:

Anyway, keep on keepin’ on. And if you ever mess with Satan, I’ll take the bus up to Michigan and whoop your ever-lovin’ ass. :wink:


I tweaked you back in the ‘‘race relations’’ thread, after you called someone a ‘‘piece of shit.’’ For the record, I thought your response was great! You took my criticism in the spirit in which it was intended, and you laughed it off. You wrote:

The thing to remember is that this board is not a popularity contest. Don’t worry about what people think of you! Who cares?

Nobody here (except maybe your lover) knows you well enough to make an intelligent judgment about you. Remember that. When people respond to your posts, they are only responding to your words, not to your value as a person. You can’t take this stuff personally. It’s not worth getting upset about.

On the other hand, I can understand why you feel mistreated. Some posters are pretty quick to get personal. Instead of saying, ‘‘Your post didn’t make a lot of sense,’’ they say, ‘‘You are stupid.’’ Instead of saying, ‘‘You misread my post,’’ they say, ‘‘You don’t know how to read.’’

Some posters don’t seem to understand the distinction between criticizing a person’s comments and criticizing the person herself.

The next time someone makes that mistake, call them on it if it bothers you. Tell them: ‘‘If you don’t like what I write, fine. If you don’t like me, save it for the pit.’’ And once you’ve got them in the pit, they’re all yours.

Remember: Nobody likes to be labeled or called names. The world is not divided into ‘‘nice’’ people and ‘‘asshole’’ people. Most people act nice sometimes and act like assholes at other times. But most people will treat you with respect if you treat them with respect. If they don’t, let that be their problem, not yours.

The people who use this board as a place to receive personal validation are setting themselves up to get hurt. And when they get hurt, they fight back with personal insults.

But most of the time, when someone makes fun of you, it’s not meant to be hurtful. Most of the time, it’s just someone’s idea of being funny. So don’t take it personally. Just laugh it off.

A friend of mine told me that he thinks the meaning of life is to have fun. The more I think about it, the more I think he might be right. :wink:

A friend of mine told me that he thinks the meaning of life is to have fun. The more I think about it, the more I think he might be right[/qoute]

Couldn’t have said it better myself. I came into this thread late; most of the other posts have covered my points, so I’ll just say this.

Fuck the grammar mavens. I’ve been called on my spellings and punctuation numerous times, and it really doesn’t impress me. I know I can’t spell, and I deal with it.

This ain’t nuthin’ but a message board, heather. It ain’t school, it ain’t work, and it sure as shit ain’t life. This is somewhere you go to unwind, and maybe get a question answered.

If you ever decided to leave, you’d be greatly missed. But if you’re not having fun anymore, then don’t feel obligated to stay.

And getting mad at Brian over this? Naaah…he’s not taking sides against you. He’s just trying to make peace. Let him, and get on with the hot monkey lovin’. :smiley:

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.