A little help please...........

I need your opinion and since this is on a mundane and personal matter I thought it belonged in MPSIMS rather than IMHO but let the mods do what they will.

A couple of weeks ago my husband was meeting an old high school friend for a drink. He had planned the meeting for Tuesday which is my regular rehearsal night. He was never particularly fond of Frank and it’s been over a year since he’s seen him but they apparently call each other from time to time. Well, hubby comes home from work on that tuesday and does a complete change of clothes, shower and shave before going out. This seems strange because he doesn’t usually get that concerned over meeting Frank. Even when he goes out to see my band play he usually just puts on a different shirt but never a complete shower shave thing. He even made an excuse about showering and shaving which I thought was weird. I just got a weird vibe about the whole thing.

The next morning I was making the bed and as I pulled the sheets up on hubby’s side of the bed I notice a box of condoms. (I bought a box when I went off the pill but we never used them) The end of the box was torn open and upon inspection there was one condom missing. Yes, I counted, wouldn’t you?

Lately our physical relationship has gone from 2-3 time a week to 1 time since that tuesday, almost 3 weeks now. This combined with the weird vibe and the whole complete change of clothes, shower and shave before going out leads me to think that hubby was meeting someone other than his high school chum and that he either had sex with her or intended to.

I’ve told this story to only one person and he says that my evidence is pretty circumstantial and I’d better be alot more sure of things before I ask him about it.

So I’m putting this question out to my friends in Dopeville…

Did he or didn’t he? And better yet: What happened to the condom?

You need to talk to each other. Ask him what’s going on.

Yeah, I know, the problem with that is that he’s a liar. I mean he’ll never, ever, in a million years admit to having done something unless confronted with irrefutable evidence. I’ve seen it time and again.

And given that my best male friend told me that I might be imagining things I decided to ask a wider variety of people.

But you’re right, we need to talk. If nothing else I need to know why I’m not getting any sex. A girl has needs you know.

Maybe next time I’m in Florida we can work something out… jk.

Anyway, I’m male (FWIW) and I’m thinking that if he’s off tramping around, which would be my supposition from what you’ve described, that you need to talk about whether you can fix your marriage or need to discuss other alternatives. I don’t think that you’re imagining things.

Well, where were the condoms normally? Were they always in that location or had they been moved? Are you absolutely positive that you never used one? What was the weird excuse for the shower/shave/change?

From what you’ve written it sounds awfully fishy and yes, I’d be worried.

However, there could be a perfectly good excuse for the missing condom…like you were going to use one some night but decided to throw caution to the wind, so a condom got used but not used. Have you checked around for the missing condom? Like in the nightstand or under the bed? His wallet? (That would be bad but not as bad as if it were missing entirely.)

Good luck.

Sounds like he consciously or subconsciously wants to get caught, because if not it was a damn dumb thing to do.

ShibbOleth How nice of you to offer. Always the gentleman, eh? It is nice to know that I’m not imagining things. If/when I kick hubby to the curb I’ll call you. :wink:

Sue D The condoms were on the bottom shelf of his bedside table. So it was like someone opened them up took one and then threw them under the bed. I know that we never used one because there were only a couple of weeks between when I stopped taking the pill and started using a diaphragm and during that time I use contraceptive jelly (intended to be used with the condom but hubby was reluctant) I’m absolutely sure I never used one or even opened the carton.

He said he’d just woken up from a nap on the couch and needed a shower to wake up but I didn’t see him sleeping and he didn’t look like he’d just gotten up. And he said he shaved because he forgot to that morning but he has a fairly light beard and only shaves every other day anyway. (I only noticed he shaved because he cut himself).

But more than anything it was just this funky vibe and a very strong gut feeling on my part.

I’ve looked for the missing condom in places I have access to like dresser drawers but haven’t looked in his wallet or glove box or anything like that.

Nice to know that you don’t think I’m crazy at least. Thanks for that.

velvet, if it feels fishy to you, there’s a very good chance that it is fishy…

Talk to your husband, and even if he doesn’t admit anything, you’ll probably get some additional insight into whether you believe him or not.

In the meantime, and until you are completely sure he’s not messing around, DO by all means insist on using a condom with him if/when you do have sex. If there’s any chance he’s been with someone else, you need to protect yourself from anything he might bring home. (And don’t forget incubation periods, testing, etc.)


Freakin A 12hazel I hadn’t even thought of that. Sheesh. Great. Well, that kicks me squarely in the butt to quit mulling this thing over and get it out in the open.

Everytime I read something like this, the reply is usually, “go with your gut feeling.” Call me suspicious, but I think he’s up to no good. You have to talk to him.

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, etc., etc., etc.

velvetjones, I wish you the best - please let us know how everything works out - and please, make sure you take 12hazel’s advice - for REAL.

:o :o :o :o :o

I’m more than a little embarrassed to say that I talked to him about the missing condom last night and it was there, under the bed, right next to where I found the opened box. It had fallen out. Apparently he opened it one night when we were together while I was in the bathroom then decided against using it because I was using the contraceptive jelly.

That still doesn’t explain the strange vibe I had that night he went out with his friend.

At the very least we’re communicating and that’s something.

Thank you all for your assistance, thoughts and kind words. I’m now going to crawl back under my lurker rock and attempt to not embarrass myself any further.