Rabid ferrets singing like Britney Spears or a second moon coming?
Seeing them in one.
Having to choose between rabid ferrets singing like Britney Spears or a second moon coming, or rabid grandferrets singing like britany spears with pancake sized bananashaped nipples on the moon in an adult video?
Good God, anything but Brittney Spears.
… lizards sticking their tongues up your nailbeds, or wyverns shreiking in your ears?
The wyverns.
Miss Cleo as your wife(even if you are a woman), or Carrot Top being your husband(even if you are a man!)?
Carrot Top, because everyone would assume he’s my brother.
Noticing the car behind you is being driven by a six year old or a drunk talking on a cellphone?
I’d have to go with the drunk on the cell phone. Hey, a drunk six year old talking on a cell phone and driving would be even worse, but I digress… 
A rock, a paper, or scissors? Wait…I think scissors would automatically win 'cause you could cut stuff off… that’s scary. How about just rock or paper?
Rock. Ouch.
Showing up naked to High School, or showing up naked to your High School reunion?
Paper, for the same reason the pen is mightier than the sword.
Moonies or Young Republicans?
young republicans.
Rosie o’Donnel or Oprah? (or as the mama baboon calls her “La Ofra” why the f? who knows?)
(I love this game. we play this game all the time. too bad this thread isn’t in the pit…cause then I could give you some really scary things to choose from…)
Rosie
*Nsync making another album, or Menudo on a reunion tour?
another NSYNC album gives me shivers up my spine.
Seeing the present-day Michael Jordan try to dunk from the free throw line or Antoine Walker throwing up more than 10 shots per minute?
A: High School reunion - for me and them.
Q: Sleeping with your roommate or with your cousin?
Cousin. Contrary to what most people in my isolated town believe, we are not located in Deliverance.
Missing the plane that will allow you to see your sick mother for the last time before she dies, or accidentally setting your winning lottery ticket aflame?
Hehe…
Lotto ticket. My mother lives nice and close to me. If I missed the plane, I would just walk. 
Blood sucking vampires or …BUNNIES!
Bunnies
Chained to Charro or Rosie Perez
Chained to Charro.
Finding out there’s some Grand Destiny to your life, or not?
Grand Destiny, cause so far, all indications are that mine is to web-serf and eat Jelly Bellies.
Esprix straight or JDT gay?
JDT Gay, 'cos Esprix straightified would lose his sting…
You wake up in the morning, you look in the bathroom and the face staring back at you is (a) Michael Jackson’s or (b)Phyllis Diller’s?
You look in the bathroom mirror, I mean!
Michael Jackson.
Finding a used condom on your kitchen floor or a used tampon. Neither one are yours.