“Harelip! Harelip!”
“Would *you *come to someone who named you ‘Umughuhwuggump’?”
“‘Ward, you were hard on The Beaver last night.’”
“OK, you’re ugly, too.”
“On a blind date.”
“Corduroy.”
“She burned her fingers trying to read a waffle iron.”
“They rearrange the furniture.”
“They leave a plunger sticking out of the toilet.”
“Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
“Italian women have fake jewelry and real orgasms.”
“Don’t worry about it. The smartest man in the world just took my knapsack.”
“He worked it out with a pencil.”
“Yeah, I know. Bubba din’t wanna go fishin’ neither.”
“Well… are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?”
“Ah, you are talkeeng about ze size; I was talkeeng about ze flavour!”
“Ah, mon ami, ze bridges! Ze bridges!”
“My dear, I believe een Eenglish it ees called '‘appiness’”
“By the ears.”
“Well, Jethro, Ah reckon it’s 'cause you’re 17.”
“No, all I saw was a dented Volkswagen with two flat tires.”
[ Long pause ]
“Go fuck yourself!”
“Ja, sure, I go upstairs an’ do what has to be done; you stay here an’ stir de soup!”
“Sometimes the bull doesn’t lose.”
“Welcome to Jamaica, mon. Have a nice day!”
I was just standing in the middle of Utah, like this.
“They all had a piece of The Rock.”
And the cat said to the kitten, “That’s how you do it.”