“The Kennedy family.”*
*This one was hilarious if you were around in the '70s and '80s! 
“They found her head & shoulders on the beach.”
“With a dustbuster”
“No, silly! We call him ‘Porky’ 'cause he likes to fuck pigs.”
“The rooster opens one eye, points at the buzzards, and goes ‘Shhhhhhhh!’”
“Fill it with water.”
“The farmer stamps his foot and says ‘Goddammit, that’s the third qu**r rooster I bought this month!’” :mad:
“That sheep has always been a liar!”
“The mother sighs and says ‘They only come out when your father’s driving, dear.’”
“I have very good news: now, we will never have to return any land to the Palestinians!”
“She bought ‘My Fault’ auto insurance.”
“True change comes from within.”
Two visuals:
“Helen Keller yelling for help at the bottom of a well.”
“Helen Keller singing and playing the piano.”
They rearrange the furniture.
“Tonto know all this 'cause stampede went through half hour ago.”
“It is. It isn’t. It is. It isn’t…”
“Beats me. All he does is come in, lick his eyebrows, and the girls just flock over to him.”
She tried to read a waffle iron.
I thought I said that?!? :dubious: 
Another joke from the East:
“I wish my neighbor Vanya’s cow were dead.”
“Scare me half to death.”
“Next time, try putting the potato in the front of your trunks.”