“The mailman died!” 
“We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow”!
“You would too if you had hair like that on your head!”*
*Bowdlerized version.
So my husband said, “Fuck him. Give him a dollar.”
“Lounging around under the palm trees, eating their dates.”
“In … out! In … out!”
“It is… it isn’t… it is… it isn’t…”
“‘Inflate to 22 lbs.’”
“Well, you see, old boy, it’s like this: When one sights the fox, one shouts ‘Tally-Ho! The fox!’ Not ‘There goes the sonuvabitch!’”
“Ha, ha! Gotcha again!”
“Mon, when it like dat, who de hell wanna go whitefishin’?!?”
“Target.”
“You’re not really here for the hunting, are you?”
“It keeps their knuckles from dragging in the ground.”
“He only comes once a year.”
“It protects them from bird droppings.”*
*Bowdlerized version.
One is thin, plastic, and dangerous for children to play with - and the other, you use to carry your groceries home.
“They suffer adverse effects over 20,000 ft.”*
*Bowdlerized version.
One is about an aging criminal facing his inevitable loss of power, and the other is a movie.
“‘If I had married him, he’d be President.’”