“Nobody in here but us chickens!”
“What motherfucker tell you that schmegge?”
“Every December 7th, he attacked Pearl Bailey.”
Hadn’t thought of this one in years, and it turned up in another thread today!
“Take it back and bring me the winner!”
“Four in the morning is an odd time. Too early to get up, too late to go back to sleep.”
“So I just switched the heads.”
“Hit me!” “No!” “Hit me!” “No!”
“Good Lord, no! Someone might see us and think we’re dancing!” 
“Please kill me first!”
“The Carpenter.”
Mrs. Katz and her lawyer.
“When God spray-paints them, he holds them like this.”
“He heard it through the car-bine.”
Is this a Robert Goulet joke? 
“Oh, why did that firetruck have to go by?” 
“Good morning, Father.”
“They don’t have balls to scratch.”
“Pretty much like a sheep.”
“Okay, let’s go camping then!”
“Go fetch thy mother.”